Interview with Martian

Interview with Martian

Unbelievable? You're right! I can hardly believe it myself. An interview with a genuine Martian! Here is how it all came about. You already know about my uncanny gift of interviewing long dead celebrities like Genghis Khan and Bruce Lee.

And weird animals like the proboscis monkey and Hippolyte the Hippopotamus. And psychic vegetables. And farm animals. And the world’s oldest caveman, etc., etc.

I was sitting on a bench in the mall waiting for a friend to join me for lunch, and jotting notes on my iPad. I looked up as a stranger joined me on the bench.

It was a fellow you would probably not look at twice. So I didn’t. But then he spoke to me. Here is the gist of our conversation as I remember it:

'My Favorite Martian' 60s TV show with Ray Walston

Stranger – Hot outside, isn’t it?

me(nodding) Mmmmmm. (trying not to encourage further conversation)

Stranger – Just landed. I came down to warm up.

me(thinking – it’s 90 degrees outside and he wants to warm up? Now I’m intrigued and have to talk with him.)

You just landed? Where are you from?

Stranger – Sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Bob and I’m from Mars.

Bo - the presidential dog
Bo - the presidential dog

me(trying not to laugh because now I just have to hear his story). Nice to meet you. You just arrived from Mars, you say?

Bob – Yes, and it’s cool there this summer so I chose Miami for a vacation to warm up.

me – (trying very hard to keep a straight face) I always thought it was too cold and there was too little oxygen where you come from for anyone to survive.

Bob – Oh, it’s cold all right but we have managed to survive. I’m not the first visitor, you know. Have you heard of BO?

me – Bo? Do you mean President Obama’s dog?

Bob – No, BO, Mr. Barack Obama himself.

'The Blob' movie 1958 with Steve McQueen

me(thinking to myself – I knew Obama was from another planet)

I don’t want to offend you, Bob, but you don’t look anything like a person from Mars to me.

Bob – I suppose you were expecting a little green man, with a large misshapen, pointed bald head, no outer clothing and very large almost translucent eyes.

me – As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I had pictured. How did you know?

Bob – I’m a fan of movies about outer space. My all-time favorite film is “The Blob.”

me – Me, too. That’s the movie with a young Steve McQueen. How do you know of it?

Bob – I used to subscribe to NetFlix but the shipping charges became too astronomical (chuckles).

Obama planning presidential strategy
Obama planning presidential strategy

me – Can we talk a little about Obama? Was he a community organizer where you come from?

Bob – He was a hum-donger. He would organize just about anything that moved.

me – I think you meant to say, hum-dinger.

Bob – Right. BO has what we in Mars call the gift of gab. What some might call a silver tongue.

me – That’s true. He knows how to promise hope and change – especially change. We have had change for sure. Do you know that our national debt has increased by five trillion dollars while he has been in office?

Bob – We heard that even in Mars. We also heard about all that fuss over his birth certificate. I guess he didn’t want folks to know where he was really from.

Ray Bradbury's book

me – I think your guess is on the money, Bob.

Bob – What money?

me – Never mind, it’s just a saying. What other work did Obama do in Mars?

Bob – He tried to keep the books for our company but always had trouble staying within a budget.

me – Some things never change.

Bob – Which things.

me – It’s just a saying. Why did he decide to run for president?

Bob – He had to leave Mars. Folks got wise to his lack of business experience. He thought that spending more and more money would fix everything.

me – Why have you left Mars, Bob? Are you just here on a vacation?

Bob – I only have two weeks to visit and then I have to go back.

me – How do you travel, if you don’t mind my asking?

Bob – By my credit card (laughs).

me – Speaking of credit, Bob, how do you earn a living?

Bob – I work at the third largest privately held company in the United States

me – Which is … ?

Mars M&Ms
Mars M&Ms

Bob – I thought I told you. Mars! I'm from Mars - the Mars Chocolate factory in Pennsylvania.

me(with egg on my face) OMG! OMG! That Mars!

Fortunately for me, my friend showed up at that moment and I bid Bob from Mars farewell before I made a further fallacious fool of myself.

Moral: Engage brain before starting mouth.


M&M Morsels: • M&Ms were invented in 1940 • Originally produced as high-energy field snack for U.S. soldiers because they melt in your mouth, not in your hand • 240 million M&Ms are produced daily • They are named after inventors, Forrest Mars and Bruce Murries.

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Includes valuable information for older workers, and how to negotiate salary successfully.


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Comments for Interview with Martian 56 comments

Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 4 years ago

This is so delightful! I loved it! Shared, voted up and passed along.

I look forward to reading more of your work. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

How nice to meet you, Jo. Thanks for finding this delightful and loving it - are you sure we're not related? :) Look forward to having you read more of my hubs and subsequent comments. Thanks for the shared, up and passing along.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

I loved the twist in that story. I was completely taken in. Mars indeed!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh yes what a wonderful read and here's to so many more for us all to share on here.

Enjoy your weekend my friend.

Eddy.

You may have noticed that I m now back on my old account ;it's a long story but I do now feel at HOME.x


Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 4 years ago from Canada

Drbj, your very fine piece of Hubber literature here has left me in a state somewhere between aghast and a ghost. At last count, there were at least two reasons for my having plunged into this dire condition.

First, you have taken the art of comedic storytelling to a level I could never dream of reaching. I think my writing career, if not my entire self identity, has taken a finishing blow. Second, I am so very disappointed that you didn't correct your alien guest on the dark commentary he insinuated against President Obama. Such cheekiness on the part of an undocumented alien.

Sigh... I guess I'll just have to amble off down to the corner store to see if I can find a Mars confection to ease my distress.


amillar profile image

amillar 4 years ago from Scotland, UK

Arf, arf. You fooled me that time drbj. I didn’t know there was a guy called Bob working at Mars. Up and funny.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

I love the surprise ending, drbj, as well as the interesting M&M fact! Thanks for providing me with some great entertainment on the weekend.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

My local grocery store has been running a special on Mars ice cream. Now I know it must have something to do with the heat and the fact that G.W. ran up the national debt over 86% while Obama has only increased the debt by 71% or somethings like that. At least that is what I heard on the news this morning. Didn't memorize the exact figures. Obama is trying to plug the hole that G.W. made. I am of the opinion that G.W. blew the hole too big to fix.

Anyway.... funny hub.


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 4 years ago

Fun hub drbj - Mars workers pull this stunt all the time - why? Because they CAN so don't be embarrassed by it! LOL


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Awesome, discreet critique! I am smiling Martian smiles from ear to ear. Incidentally, according to astrology, Mars is my ruling planet and my name is Marti......

We, too, have many men from Mars stuck in chairs reserved for rulers.

Voted up and hilarious :)))


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

You had me going till the end. Mars! I can see how this could happen in a real conversation. Funny and voted so.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 4 years ago from India

Haha, didn't see that one coming...after all, if anyone could find a real live Martian to interview, it would be you! :)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHa, you always make me LOL..You have that special gift of humor that make us all laugh, whether a republican or democrat we all love humor and you are the best my friend..Cheers


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I'm laughing at myself, dear drbj. I get so involved with your interviews, I was completely suckered in and couldn't wait to find out how Bob was going to explain his mode of transportation back and forth to Mars! Very clever satire on the political climate today. Many a truth is spoken in jest. You are so brilliant, drbj, you continually surprise me with new ways of looking at things. Your comedy genius even makes the sad state of America today humorous...and that's no easy feat, even for a moment.


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Oh, dear

Coming from you, I did expect a twist but did not anticipate this one.

Now that we finally know where Obama is coming from (and that explains a lot about him - birth certificate included), please let us know (as soon as possible) where is the opposition coming from.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Arf arf, arf......You rock, you really do. Up and awesome and everything else.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you for loving the twist in this tale, christopher. It was entirely my pleasure to 'take you in.' Not an easy task indeed.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

This is hilarious, I hadn't given the company of 'Mars' a thought so loved the twist in this haha.

I am intrigued about your psychic vegetables, so that will be my next port of call, don't know how I missed that one.

Voting and sharing this


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Did you ever see the movie musical, 'Dolly,' with Barbra Streisand? Her friends sing the song, "It's So Nice to Have You Here Where You Belong ... " That's just how I feel about having you back on HP, Eddy. Welcome home. Someday you'll have to tell me that 'long story.'

And thanks for your gracious comments, m'dear.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

That was very clever, niteriter ... 'left you in a state somewhere between aghast and a ghost.' I may use that one day, duly crediting it to you, of course.

Your sublime comments are most appreciated. In fact, I do believe you have taken the fine art of commenting to a literary level that even I would have difficulty attaining. Do not abandon your writing career I beseech you.

Yes, my Martian guest may be cheeky on the subject of BO but then again he was well informed and who knows, perhaps there is genuine hope and change in our future.

Speaking of Mars' confections, which is your favorite? I'm partial to the Mars bar - the one with almonds in it. I have always related well to 'nuts.'

Thanks for your ingenious remarks.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

So I fooled you, amillar. Well if you don't tell, I won't. I wouldn't be surprised if in addition to Bob, there were a Tom, Dick and Harry working at Mars, too. But no Amillar. Thanks for the Up and funny, m'dear.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I love surprise endings, too, Alicia, so I'm delighted you were surprised - and also entertained. The pleasure has all been mine, m'luv. Hope your weekend went well, too.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

What a coincidence, Lela, that your local grocery is running a special on Mars ice cream. We are all going to need more of that to cool off during the next two months as accusations and statistics (real or imagined) fly back and worth 'tween the Pubs and the Dems.

Dunno if the 'hole is too big to fix,' but it may be time to give the other guy a try. Just sayin'.

Thanks for stopping by and enjoying my 'funny' hub.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Moi? Embarrassed? Hardly ever, psychicdog. At least not overtly. I can see where it would be lots of fun to work for Mars and use this approach with strangers. Betcha they do, too. I would. Thanks for laughing, m'dear.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Ah drbj, at first i thought now we know exactly how the ruins on Mars came about and who was behind it! The problems with the birth certificate, too! Not in the interview but strong possibilities, no? Well, what a turn of events at the end- most clever melt in the mouth good. My Favorite Martian is great too- nice trip back to much younger years!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Martie. So your ruling planet is Mars, your name is Mar-tie, your personality - Mar-velous, your hubs never fail to hit the Mar-k. And I bet you can also whip up a handy-dandy Mar-inara source when necessary. You ARE a force to be reckoned with.

Thank you for your Martian smiles and your reMARkable comments, and the Up and hilarious. Not surprised to learn that the rulers stuck in Martian roles on this planet are not just indigenous to the U.S. :(


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted I could keep you in suspense until the end, teaches. Yes, this can happen in a real conversation. It happened to me once when I met a woman, asked what she did and she said she 'ran a cat-house.' I tried not to look shocked, and politely responded, 'Really?' And she said, 'Yes, I breed cats and travel to Cat Shows.'

Thanks for the visit and the 'funny,' m'dear.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted that I fooled you, Feline. And thank you for your confidence in my finding and/or unearthing (sorry, that pun just slipped out) a Martian, or any other creature, to interview. My pleasure, m'luv.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Ruby, for the fulsome praise. I love to make you laugh and I do appreciate your sublime comments. You are spot on - everyone, no matter their politics, enjoys humor. Milton Berle once said, "Laughter is like an instant vacation." Amen.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You have no idea, dear Amy, how much I enjoyed your first statement. Involving you to that extent was exactly what I had hoped for. Thank you for the commendation. But don't think of it as 'suckered in,' m'dear. I would much prefer completely immersed.

I had no idea myself how I was going to explain Bob's mode of transportation. It just kind of evolved. Much like political speeches these days. A lot of fire and brimstone but very little substance. American voters must decide if they want to ride the same horse for another four years, or change the horse and change the rider.

Thank you for your generous remarks. Want you to know I am framing 'very clever satire ... brilliant ... and comedy genius.' Here's to better days ahead for everyone.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Ah, so I immersed you, too, Petra? What a thrill to give you a surprise. If you really want to know where Obama is coming from, with or without birth certificate, see the new movie, '2016 Obama.' It's as objective as films of that sort can be and for me, very revealing.

Now you asked about the opposition's birthplace. As near as I can determine, the Repubs for the most part, indicate they want to limit the size of big government and because so many intelligent, brilliant women are involved in their leadership, I would venture to say Venus is their birthplace. Just sayin', of course.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Wow, that's a first - that I really rock. What a lovely comment. Thank you, bp. And thanks, too, for the Up and awesome and everything else. And the arfs.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Rosemary, for the 'hilarious' and loving the twist in this Mars interview.

Good to know you are intrigued with the psychic vegetables. Yes, please visit them and enjoy their bizarre verse. Thanks for the votes and the sharing, m'luv. Hope all is well in NZ.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Since you are a very clever historical writer, I knew, Alastar, that you would especially be interested in Martian lore. One day, who knows, perhaps a genuine interplanetary traveler will arrive. In fact, some of the folks I sometimes see on the streets wearing their tinfoil headdresses believe that day has already arrived and THEY walk among us.

Delighted you enjoyed the turn of events and also admired 'My Favorite Martian' - a very original TV show. So, which color M&Ms do you favor? Just wonderin'.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Green, of course! hah- you da devil drbj!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Ah, green, Alastar, the color of money and also serenity. Serenity if you have the former, that is. Correction: I do not profess to be da debbil, but I will confess: da debbil made me do it!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Haha! Mars! I haven't thought about them for a very long time, there was a branch in my next town, really funny read! thanks! voted up!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I predict, Nell, that now you are going to have a hankering for a Mars bar since it's been so long since you thought about them. Thanks for the visit, the kind comments and the Up.


habee profile image

habee 4 years ago from Georgia

Good stuff! I needed a chuckle, and I knew I'd find one here. Voted up, etc.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted you knew where to stop in for a chuckle, Holle, and happy to provide one. Thanks for the trip and the vote, m'dear. You have been cooking up a storm lately with your delectable recipes!


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

Very nicely done...and kudos for including a mention to the great sci-fi film....The Blob....loved the ending.....although is really that much difference between working at Mars and living on Mars....lol. Great photos to go with your interview....voted up and awesome.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Coge. Thanks for the Up and the awesome and enjoying both the interview and the photos. You posed an interesting philosophical question re the difference between living on Mars and working on Mars. Only time will tell.

The Blob was one of my favorite films, too. Can picture that gelatinous green stuff as I write. :)


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

Nice twist to the end of the interview. Most people would rather be from the Mars that makes chocolate or maybe they would like to go there. sharing with followers.


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 4 years ago from Somewhere in the West

Nice hub i myself thought was out of space Mars lol. Good one


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 4 years ago from East Coast, United States

Hi drbj - once again you've put a smile on my face. I loved the end. You are too much!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, Don, for enjoying the twist at the end. I have to agree with you. I would rather have a free pass to the chocolate Mars (and those delicious M&Ms) than to the red planet itself.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, LadyFiddler - delighted that you thought this was out of space, and a 'good one.' Me, too.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

How I love putting a smile on your face, Dolores. It's one of my favorite things to do. And thanks for loving the end. I love 'being too much.'


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

You are such an intertaining person! I don't know how you come up with these crazy ideas. This one was awesome; love the ending.

I voted this UP, and will share.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Ah, sweet Mary, you are one of my most favorite followers. Thanks for finding this one awesome and loving the ending, voting it Up, and sharing.

As for coming up with crazy ideas, this was one of my more normal ruminations.


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Boy, talking to em here is so much cheaper than sending stuff up there... think of how much money NASA could save! Fun Post!!!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You do have a valid point there, Chris. Postal charges would be - you know I'm going to say it - astronomical! Thanks for enjoying this 'fun post.'


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 3 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

A sweet story, drbj. Did you hear about the guy who was told by his doctor that he was only a Mars bar away from diabetes? If a Mars bar is only about 5 inches long, the candy-ass didn't have far to go. Voted up & etc. Nice interview.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, John, for the 'sweet story' and other fulsome appellations. I thought so, too. No, I had not heard about that unfortunate individual only a Mars bar away from disease. You know what they say: 'Candy is dandy. But liquor is quicker.' (Ogden Nash). I wrote 'Tribute to Ogden Nash' which you will probably enjoy. He had a quirky sense of humor like you, m'dear.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

You are so creative. Where do you come up with these ideas. You can always put a smile on my face. Loved it. Pushing buttons all over the place.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

KKGals - You are such a sweetie-face - I do appreciate your comments. As for finding ideas, they are usually 'aha' moments. I will see or hear or read something - a word, an action - that triggers a possibility as a subject. So happy I can put a smile on your face, as your visit does mine. Thanks for all the button-pushing.

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