World’s Oldest Speech Writer


Interview with World’s Oldest Speech Writer

Do you remember Grogg? From my hub, “Interview with World’s Oldest Interviewer”? Well, I just learned that Grogg is also the world’s oldest speech writer from the Paleolithic Era.

So I dug him up again for another interview. Metaphorically speaking, that is.

me – Hello, Grogg. So nice to see you again. What a surprise to learn you are also the world’s oldest speech writer. Do you have some time to chat?

Grogg – Copasetic. Isn’t that a current phrase that means okay or acceptable?

me – Not exactly. The meaning is correct but that word was first widely publicized in communications between the astronauts and Mission Control of the Apollo Program back in the 60s.

Grogg – I don’t understand a word of what you just said. Guess I’ll have to update my search engine, YooHoo.

me – You mean, Yahoo?

Grogg – Whatever. What would you like to chat about today?

me – I want to learn more about your early speech writing. But first would you be kind enough to share some details of your personal life with our readers. Did you have kids?

Grogg – Of course. Mountain goats provided our milk.

me – No, I meant did you have children?

Grogg – My wife, Ooga, and I had three goats, I mean kids. All boys: Frogg, Trogg and our oldest, Blogg, who became a writer.

me(to self – So that’s where blogging came from … ) Those are very interesting names. How did you choose them?

Grogg – My wife and I chose names that were easy to remember. And pronounce. But my friend, Uggh, was not so clever when it came to naming his oldest son. Take a look at this video and you will see what I mean.

me – What a sad story. Did Uggh and his wife have more children?

Grogg – Yes, he had another son he named Aahhhh. Another sad story.

me – What other thoughts would you like to share on naming children?

Grogg – Do not give your children androgynous names.

me – Androgynous? Androgynous? How do you know that word?

Grogg – YooHoo, of course. I’m referring to names that could be either male or female: like Leslie, Francis, Marion, or turned into nicknames like Alex, Sam or Jo.

Such names could contribute to gender identity problems later in life.

Instead, give a boy a strong masculine name like Rock or Hulk. And name a girl something feminine like Ooh-Lala or Gaga.

me – Gaga? We have one of those. You mentioned three sons, Grogg. Did you discipline them?

Grogg – Absolutely, but that didn’t always work out the way I planned. Watch this:

me – Besides hunting and gathering … and interviewing … how did you find time for speech writing?

Grogg – Everyone needs additional interests to exercise their minds. I enjoyed writing acceptance speeches for members of my tribe. Here’s an example:

me – Do you have some secrets about writing speeches you would like to share?

Grogg – Much of my success in writing speeches is based on the hub, "How to Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking."

I realized that a speech is only as good or bad as the person delivering it. So before writing I visualize first what I want to write. I learn as much as I can about the audience, and include a few of their names whenever possible. I use examples they can relate to. I write to engage them by being creative, telling personal anecdotes, and using my sense of humor.

me – You know, Grogg, all this information seems very familiar.

Grogg – It should be. You wrote that hub.

me – Your 'secrets' are very close to plagiarism.

Grogg – Not really. Since I mentioned you are the author, it’s called research! (laughs)

me – I have been asking all the questions. Is there anything you would like to ask me?

Grogg – I know there is something called presidential elections every four years where you live. Exactly how does that work?

me – Well, we have two major parties, the Republicans and the Democrats and every citizen has the right to vote for their choice.

Grogg – That seems very fair. Does everyone vote?

me – Some folks are lazy and do not vote at all, but others will vote more than once if someone offers to pay them. So it all evens out.

Grogg – That does not seem very fair. Does the winner of the most votes get to be president?

Total Electoral Votes - 538
Total Electoral Votes - 538

"Year One" movie - 2009

me – Not exactly. The votes of the people individually are called the popular vote but sometimes the winner does not have the most popular votes, only the Electoral College votes.

Grogg – What’s the Electrical College vote?

me – Every state has a certain number of votes so the election is determined on the majority of those votes - called the Electoral College vote.

Grogg – So, theoretically (another word I learned from YouHoo), the president could win the most votes from the people and still lose if the states did not supply the most electrical votes. Is that correct?

me – Pretty much. In fact, that’s exactly what happened in 2000 when the Republican candidate, George W. Bush won with 271 Electoral votes but only 50,456,002 (47.9%) of the popular votes.

The Democratic candidate, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. had 50,999,897 (48.4%) of the popular vote, but lost with only 266 Electoral votes.

I won! I won!
I won! I won!

Grogg – That’s a confusing system. When we want to elect a leader of our tribe, it is a much simpler process. Each candidate is given a heavy wooden club and the winner is the last man standing. This guarantees a strong leader.

me – You may have hit on something there. Get it? Hit on something?

Thanks for your time, Grogg, give my regards to Ooga and the goats, I mean kids.

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012, 2013 Rev. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Includes valuable information for older workers, and how to negotiate salary successfully.

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Comments for Interview with World's Oldest Speech Writer 48 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

YooHoo this was an excellent interview! Thank you once again drbj for the laughs!:)

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You are so cute, Linda. Yoo Hoo backatcha. Thank you for enjoying this interview, laughing, and telling me so!

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Hilarious, and I'd never of Armstrong and Miller!

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

Drbj, your use of the caveman is really good. So funny. The speech reference was a good read and I may have to use his suggestions! Very entertaining. Voted up and funny.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I had never heard of them either, Will. Discovered those two hilarious British comedy writers when I was researching cavemen history. Delighted you enjoy them as much as I do.

christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Great hub. Loved the videos, especially about the teenager. I was one once.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

The caveman interview was great fun to read. The videos were very funny also. Voted up and very funny.

always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Another funny interview. The videos cracked me up. I see there are more, so i will be here fow awhile. I am thrilled that you explained that 2000 election, clears it all up!! Hee..Thank's my friend..Enjoyed..

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 4 years ago from India

I'm still a bit groggy from my hibernation - guess I'll have to read it again to understand how the presidential elections work! :D

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

Great stuff. I never expect less actually.

The Frog

xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Up all the way and shared too! This is very funny, with some kernels of good info as well.

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Dang it ... I'll have to come back to listen to the video's another day as my speakers are not working. But even without the videos it was still funny ... as always thanks for the laughs.

AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Thank you for another amusing hub that contains useful information as well, drbj! The videos that you chose are very funny - I love them. Thanks for the information about the US elections, too - they've always been a bit of a mystery to me.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted you loved the videos, chistopher, and I knew you were once an awesome teenager. Trust me.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Happy you found the caveman interview great fun to read, Pamela. Believe me, it was also great fun to write. Thanks for enjoying the videos and your up and funny votes, m'dear.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for enjoying my funny interview, Ruby. Those videos crack me up, too, and I have to admit that I watch them over and over. Guess I'm hooked. Do stay as long as you like to watch them.

I have never been thrilled with the way presidential elections take place re the Electoral College, but that's the way it is .... for now. Thanks for the visit and 'Hee' backatcha.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

To tell the truth, Feline, dear, it's not your previous hibernation causing the grogginess on your part re the Electoral College. The entire process is so convuluted and irrational even the so-called experts have difficulty explaining it.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Awwwww, Jim, you say the nicest things. What a gracious comment. Thank you.

JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Great fun, as usual! Your interviews (through time and space) are marvelous. I always know where to look when I want to read something that tickles my funny-bone.

If you can explain something as inherently crazy as the U.S. electoral vote to a caveman, you can explain anything, Dr. BJ!

Voted Up, Funny and Awesome!


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

I think we might have to compare his method of elections to the Chicago way which consists of reviving a sufficient number of deceases fplks to fill the gap needed to win.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, loved this! yoohoo! the scary thing is that I understand a caveman very well, but American Presidential Elections? Na! lol! about as clear as mud to me! maybe caveman mud! great stuff, and so funny!

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks, xstatic, for finding this funny and noticing the kernels of good information sprinkled within. Thanks also for the up, and sharing is always appreciated.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hope your speakers are working now so you can get the full import of the videos, Susan. Delighted you found this funny even without the videos. What a compliment, m'dear. You are wlecome for the laughs, you know, it's always my pleasure.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

So happy you found this amusing, Alicia, and for loving the videos - some of my favorites. As xstatic pointed out, there are some kernels of information scattered throughout.

With regard to the U.S. elections process, I think the whole shebang has been calculated to be as mysterious as possible. :)

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

That I tickled your funny-bone, Jaye, thrills me to pieces. Happy to oblige any time with my supernatural interviews.

I do agree with you that our elections process is somewhat crazy. I'm not certain if Grogg completely understood the purpose of the 'electrical' College vote since he may have just been too polite to disagree. But by virtue of my lifelong experience as a consultant slash psychologist I have learned to explain that which is often inexplicable. Thank you, m'luv, for the Up, funny and awesome.

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Mmmm! would have been better off named Sue! Loved this interview with Grogg. He speak many words of wisdom. His rhetoric is cool. I also like Grogg's idea for deciding elections with a club. Seems a much fairer and exciting way to go about it. YooHoo up n awe funny Drbj! profile image 4 years ago

Awesome! Is it just my imagination drbj or is Grogg's appearance getting better? He seems to be taking more care of his facial hair - he's a great looking guy! The way his eyes look up in the pic you wouldn't want to mess with someone that Paleolithic LOL!

nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

A perfect definition of 'research.' Nice to know that we've been copying each others stuff since we lived in caves. Copyright violation enforcement was probably much different back then.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I think you are spot on, Don. At least the caveman method only injures the top contenders for the leadership position. While the Chicago method injures us all by sending deceased voters to the polls. Thank you for stopping by.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thanks for the visit and loving YooHoo, Nell. Not surprised that the elections are clear as mud to you. The presidential elections have just about the same effect on all of us, too. Thanks for the great stuff and funny comment. My crystal ball tells me we may become Hubbuddies.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You may be right, Alastar. Mmmm might have fared better as Sue like Johnny Cash's song praising that name.

Thanks for loving this interview with cool, wise Grogg. Deciding elections with a club may or may not be a more fair option but there is no doubt it would carry more excitement - sorta like Fight Club. . YooHoo backatcha and thanks for the up, awe and funny, m'luv.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

It is not your imagination, psychicdog, Grogg IS paying more attention to his morning ablutions and hirsute adornment. And I learned he has been studying Bruce Lee moves with an eye to opening a chain of King Kong Fu studios.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Some things never change, nicomp. If copyrights were enforced in Grogg's era, it was probably achieved with a heavy wooden club applied to the back of the violator's head.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Just noticed, teaches, that my response to your visit appears to have disappeared. So here is another: thank you for the visit, finding this so funny and entertaining and by all means, use Grogg's suggestions in future speeches. Thanks also for the up and funny.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

YooHoo just find this hub of yours, drbj, when I asked for the most informative, but funny, article about speech development of Homo sapiens. The videos are a bonus and hilarious. Voted up across the board, as always :))

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Martie. So happy you found this hub when searching for informative but funny speech development info. And delighted you found the videos a bonus. I like them, too. Thanks for the up across the board, too. YooHoo backatcha, m'dear.

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Brilliant Hub - I love the way you interview and give info. I learned a lot in is hub! And I love that look on the cave woman's face when she tries to look all apologetic waving her drum stick around! Hahaha priceless!

Mmm! Haha

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Kelly, thank you for loving my interviewing, informative ways. Aha, you picked up on that "I didn't mean it that way," expression on the drum-stick chewing cavewoman. Hate to be in her shoes and feel that guilt. Thanks for the priceless, too.

Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Mmmm... awesome . Me watch Armstrong & Miller on TV. Me Enjoy much. Mo says nice to see clips with drbj funny interview. So good. Me develop good speech by reading and watching here. Mmmmm. Me thank drbj for good hub. Or as Grog say: Hubba, hubba.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

You are on the mark, Mohan. Hubba, hubba might be exactly what Grogg would say. You are so ingenious, m'dear. So happy you enjoyed the clips and delighted you are developing good speech habits by reading these hubs. You are most welcome. Grogg wanted to include his speling and grammer tipps two but I persuaded him to postpone that lesson.

Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Oh my this was hilarious...I so enjoy your hubs! Reminded me of this song..sorry I couldn't resist...but had to share with you...

whoops tells you I am old..haha

nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

Does anyone know where I can get car insurance? I suddenly have the urge.

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

I so enjoy your comments, Sunnie, don't stop. Delighted you found this hilarious. Grogg says Hi. Thanks for the video song - loved it. Whatever your age, you are obviously young at heart and not nearly as old as me since I am older than soil. Trust me!

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Now that was funny, nicomp. That is, I thought so. Grogg, however, did not look amused. But I'll bet Geico is happy!

jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

I just had my daily dose of laughter. You filled the daily quota!

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted, jpcmc, that I filled your daily quota of laughter. With a comment like that, m'dear, you do not need a prescription to return. Any time!

Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 3 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi drbj... now that I have collected myself off the floor I suppose you except me to leave a sensible comment well here goes... Mmmmmmm...! Very well done.

Hugs from Canada

drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida Author

So sorry to have precipitated that fall to the floor, Rolly. Do hope you have not injured anything significant! Thanks for the approbation and the hugs. Is it warmer there yet?

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