Interview with Zeus
Interview with Zeus
Greek mythology has always fascinated me. How about you? I enjoy reading those fantastic stories about the gods on Mount Olympus and their internecine warfare as well as intergalactic love affairs. I saw the film, “The Immortals,” and was thinking about Zeus and his brother and sister gods when I fell asleep last night.
The ringing of my phone awakened me. Wait a minute. That was not the phone. It was the Skype on my computer. Now I am really awake. When your phone or Skype rings late, very late at night, do you expect to hear good news? Of course not. You brace yourself for the worst news possible. Once braced, I opened my Skype. Who was calling me?
Zeus - God of the Sky
This could not be real. The Skype read: "Zeus." The renowned and powerful immortal Greek god, Zeus? Wow, what an opportunity that would be for me to conduct one of my supernatural, and to quote Epigramman, ‘world-class’ interviews.
me – Who is this? It’s 2 am in the morning here.
Booming Voice – It’s me, Zeus.
me – Zeus Galliafanakopopoulous, the owner of my favorite Greek restaurant?
Voice – No, Zeus the Greek God.
me – (shouting) Oh my God! Oh my God!
Voice –You got that right!
me – I can’t believe it. Do you have Skype on Mount Olympus?
Zeus – I AM Lord of the Sky and the Heavens, you know. Also president and CEO of A T T & T – Amalgamated Telephones, Thunderbolts and Tablets.
Me – I thought Steve Jobs invented the iPad tablet.
Zeus – Who do you think implanted the idea?
me – (incredulous) What can I do for you, Omnipotent Zeus?
Zeus – I am also omniscient so I know you have the ability to conduct interviews with dead celebrities and weird animals. Therefore, talking with an immortal like me would be easy as spanakopita (Greek spinach pie) for you. I want to set the record straight on something that you wrote in a comment on Hubpages.
me – What did I write? Which comment?
Zeus – You made a semi–erroneous statement about the birth of my daughter, Aphrodite, in a comment on the beautiful hub, “Don’t Let Me Love You,” by Martie Coetser. You wrote and I quote – I am reading it directly from the hub:
“Your powerful poetry, Martie, ignited this explanation, Of Aphrodite's mythic birth as a result of castration . . . " etc., etc., etc.
". . . Cronus was the capo di capo of Gods before Zeus, With all the other Gods he played fast and loose.
Uranus, another God, irked him with some transgression, In retribution, sweet Cronus performed a castration.
He flung Uranus' severed genitals into the sea, Where amid froth and foam our heroine came to be.
No ifs ands or buts, She was born from the nuts. Wait - there is still more, A seashell bore her to shore . . . " etc. etc. etc.
me – Were those not the facts?
Zeus – Yes and no. Regarding the castration episode, it is true, Cronus did mutilate Uranus but I need to tell you the backstory which you must keep, you’ll pardon the expression, privates, er … I mean, private.
Me – My lips are sealed.
Zeus – Uranus, God of the Sky, was my grandfather who mated with Gaia, Goddess of the Earth.
They produced twelve Titans – Oceanus, Coeus, Crius, Hyperion, Iapetos, Mnemosyne, Phoebe, Rhea, Tethys, Theia, Themis, and Cronus.
Me – How do you remember all twelve Titans’ names so easily?
Zeus – You forget, I am a God. The Titans also had three very strange–looking brothers called the Hecatonchires. Each one had 50 heads and 100 arms. Trust me.
Uranus despised these three offspring and banished them to Tartarus which is located underneath Hell.
Their mother, Gaia, was furious and asked her other sons, the Titans, to punish Uranus. Only my father, Cronus, agreed. He used a scythe to do the deed and disposed of the evidence in the sea.
me – Are you saying that Aphrodite did not arise from the subsequent foam created by the dissected, discarded genitalia?
Zeus – No, the myth of her arising from the sea foam was perpetuated by the artist, Sandro Botticelli, who created a magnificent work of art representing her oceanic birth.
me – I apologize, Zeus, for the error. Who are the parents of Aphrodite?
Zeus – You may be surprised to learn that the goddess, Dione, is her mother.
me – And her father . . .
Zeus – Who else? Me!
Birth of Zeus
me – Do you have time to corroborate one more myth? The story of your birth is remarkable. Did your mother, Rhea, fool your father with that stone trick?
Zeus – My father, Cronus, despite his power had very low self-esteem. He learned of a prophecy that declared he would lose his throne as the Capo di Capo of Gods to one of his children.
So he began the barbaric and somewhat difficult custom of swallowing each child whole shortly after birth. That is what happened to my older brothers, Hades and Poseidon, and my sisters, Demeter, Hera and Hestia.
me – How did you avoid that uncivilized ordeal?
Zeus – My mother, Rhea, hated my father for his despicable, sadistic behavior so when I was born she hid me in a cave in Crete. She gave Cronus a large stone wrapped in infant swaddling clothes which he promptly swallowed. His throat muscles were amazing. His brain cells … NOT!
When I grew up, my grandmother, Gaia, gave me an emetic to administer to Cronus and my siblings were retrieved, hale and hearty and none the worse for wear.
me – Have you by any chance seen the new film, "The Immortals"?
Zeus – Yes, I ordered it from Netphlix. But it’s not available so I came to earth disguised as a mortal and viewed it at Radio City Muse Hall.
me – Do you mean Netflix and Radio City Music Hall?
Zeus – Whatever. I’m writing a nasty letter to the director about those ridiculous costumes that were created for the actors portraying me and my brother gods.
That golden armor and those mini skirts made us all look like a bunch of sissy boys.
And why didn’t he dress John Hurt, the actor who portrays me as a mortal, the Old Man, more elegantly? He looked like a raggedy bum down on his luck.
me – I agree, he did look rather shabby. Is there another actor you would have liked to have seen in that role?
Zeus – I would have chosen someone like George Clooney with a beard. And a much stronger, more powerful physique. Like me.
me - I can't help but wonder, how do you stay so young looking?
Zeus - I eat healthy, exercise regularly, and lie about my age.
Zeus – the Love Machine
me – According to many of the myths I have read, you had love affairs with dozens of goddesses and mortal women. Is that true?
Zeus – Absolutely not! It was NOT dozens . . . it was more like hundreds. At one point I was married to Hera ,,, my sister. I even had an affair with Aphrodite once she was grown. And we had a son, Priapus … but that’s another story.
Perhaps I’ll Skype you again one night to relate more of my exploits. Ciao for now.
me – Ciao, you Casanova, you.
Sources: Hesiod the poet, the 'Theogony’ (describing the origins of the gods of the ancient Greeks). Sometime during the 7th century B.C.
Zeus, personal communication, 21st century
© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011, 2014 All rights reserved.
Author,"Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Includes much-needed, valuable information for older workers.
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