It Only Takes A Spark: To Keep The Fire Going
"It only takes a spark to keep the fire going."
It was all too good to be true and whatever is too good to be true is oftentimes backed up with some creeping fears of "what ifs"...what if this situation that I am enjoying won't last? What if he will change? What if I am just living in a dream and suddenly I wake up and ooops!
The house we rented was beautiful and new; three bedrooms three bathrooms, the spacious master's bedroom had a beautiful and spacious jacuzzi inside it. At the back of the house was a beautiful cottage for the servants. We had a stay-in housemaid named Lourdes who did all the chores for us in this wonderful house. My 14-year-old daughter Jean, my late husband Adrian and me were the only occupants in this house.
The neighborhood was perfect; across the road was the Korean Mr. Kho, at the right over the fence was the American Mr. Fisher and on the left side was the Filipino Engineer Ratunel.
My New Zealand-er (Kiwi) husband, Adrian Shiels was co-owner of three hotels. There were 16 Australians and New Zealand citizens who pooled together their resources to form a corporation then ran the hotel business in Balibago, Angeles City, Philippines; they ran three hotels there.
I used to work as the bookkeeper and at the same time the manager for the Filipino employees in one of the hotels. But then there were lots of things, activities, and situations in the business that were contradictions to my values system.
So one day I had decided to leave the job; decided to "burn bridges".
In my core belief system was the conviction that I was a born teacher and/or a public speaker or lecturer. The job situation in the hotel had nothing to do with my accepted natural inclinations. I liked the money and the comforts of life alright but what about me? What about my "real me?" What about the "born teacher" that was screaming deep inside me?
I had been a teacher since time immemorial; even when I was barely 9 years old, I was already a "Sabbath School Teacher" every Saturday for children's department in the church. It went on and on even when I was a Missionary/Bible Woman student in the International Missionary Society.
To be working in a hotel especially patronized by sex tourist in our country was a great insult and challenge to my core values system. I had then realized that money and comfort in living is not all there is to satisfy the longings of the soul.
Deep within me was a vacuum that demanded fulfillment; I cannot ignore me, I cannot ignore the "Self" which I call Senotiza, who screams for justice in her existence to this world. She always reminds me of who I really am and that I don't belong to the situation in my job; the prostitutes, the sex tourists, the vicious and lascivious clients that filled the hotel premises were not the types of people that I can tolerate to see in my every day life.
I remember the honor and dignity of the job that I had been into for years and years of my existence. Honor and dignity versus comfort in living and money without dignity is just rubbish for "Senotiza". There has to be a balance; honor+ dignity=money+comfortable life=fulfillment
It only takes a spark for us to be reminded of who we really are and then we burn bridges to separate us from everything that is not our personal reality. And once the fire starts burning then we will be back to our original state of existence. The most fulfilling and perfect life that each of us can choose to live in the individual level.
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