Why Do People Avoid You? Find Out Now.
Let's Talk About Personal Boundaries And How To Avoid Crossing The Line
"Who the heck do you think you are?! Get outta my space! You’re pushing my boundaries and I’m too nice to say no.”
Have you ever wondered why people sometimes pull back from you? Maybe you were explaining something and you see a shadow cross their face, watch them step backward, then wonder what you did. Maybe you had someone tell you they’d call you back later, but never did. Something you said either offended them or you suspect you “got in their space”. Anyone ever avoided you? You can be talking to a group, everybody joins in, but you get an icy reflection, or no response from one person? You think they may find you offensive?
So how do you define offensive? Several definitions here:
1) Attacking or for attack.
2) Unpleasant, disgusting or insulting.
3) Attitude or position of attack.
A counselor told me once, when I questioned my defensive response to a group of coworkers who I felt were berating me, “One usually gets defensive when attacked”.
What are boundaries?
1) Anything marking a limit or border; bound; to limit.
2) The edge of an action or right.
So the opposite of boundary would be boundless, right? Boundless means “without limits”.
What I've Learned
Over time I’ve learned that some outward traits in one's personality are offensive to certain individuals. Some thoughts are best left unspoken, though your mind runs with such intensity and speed, the words come out before you have a chance to process with what you're about to say. So you've had to train yourself to pull that expression back inside and rein it in to prevent stepping on someone else’s margin. You do this out of respect for the other person’s boundaries, right? You don’t have to understand or agree with boundaries; just respect them.
So what's the deal...?
When somebody continues to hound you for something repeatedly, you tend to get a little fed up with the persistence after you’ve already given your answer. Continually asking for the same thing shows a lack of respect for the other’s well being. Persisting with an irrational request that obviously crosses boundaries of the individual or ‘gets in their space, you may create a sense of self-worthlessness in that person when you continue, especially if they find it hard to say “no”. Why would you continue with the persistence, the continual asking, knowing it is perceived as disrespect? Does that not matter?
Online Survey On Personal Boundaries
- How Good Are Your Personal Boundaries? - Beliefnet.com
Designed to gather information to determine if you have Personal Boundary Issues.
About Being Offensive....
Getting back to being offensive or “getting in someone’s space”: Isn’t it true that crossing a person’s invisible boundary, whether you think it rational or not, is the same as insulting the person by subconsciously taking a position of attack? Think about it.
So where does that leave us?
If somebody tells you “that makes me feel demeaned” or “please don't continue...I get your drift” or “that is disrespectful to me to ask that”, do you continually persist anyway because you don’t understand or agree with their personal boundary (or space)? Most of the time, an individual isn’t going to tell you this. It’s up to you to pick up on the senses by watching body language and learning to “pull back” when your silent alarms goes off. It could save a relationship, or best, prevent unnecessary emotional damage to the receiver.
A Part Of Social Etiquette
Finally, even if you think the boundary is totally irrational and confusing, you should respect it.
After all, social boundaries are part of social etiquette and required for humans if you want to co-exist in harmony.
Don't you think so?
Other Suggested Reading:
- How To Set Personal Boundaries And Protect Yourself
Learn how to take control of your personal boundaries to protect you from emotional harm. Know your values and rights in order to gain a better foothold in relationships.
- Online Training Course: How To Respect Others
Does the insensitivity of others irk you? You're not alone! Read how to examine your own 'fruit nature' and learn why emotional disrespect by rude disregard or abrupt dismissal sends a message (without words) that your feelings aren't important.
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Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts that will not go away? Do you struggle with managing your intrusive thoughts? Read about the roll of the drug Luvox (Fluvoxamine)to treat obsessive compulsive disorder & obsessive thoughts.
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