Letting go of Struggle
Whenever I fly from Australia to the states and back, I get a new revelation about living. This particular time, I was reading a book called “Something in This Book is True”. It was a very interesting read. Talked about rebirthing, secret governments, and other very interesting subjects. One in particular caught my attention and I have decided to write about it after the last leg from Sydney to Melbourne. The reason is that I was overhearing a conversation that a young couple was having.
Listening to people all throughout my travel, I have noticed a common thread. They all are talking about struggling in life. Most times, this struggle is regarding money. The book I was reading had a great take on it. Let go of the struggle and it will all work out. Quit resisting the subject and allow itself to unravel and then create from there. We, as humans, tend to
“fight” everything. We battle against cancer, we fight against AIDS, and we try to overcome every obstacle in our way.
You always see in the obituaries that so and so lost the battle against cancer or any other disease out there. What this book, and many others, is suggesting is that we stop fighting and start allowing. Allowing the positive. Rather than fighting a disease, we should allow health. Rather than wanting or needing money, we should allow money to come into our experience.
This is not easily done with all of our “negative” programming that, incidentally, started from birth. We were told no at least 10 times more than yes. We were told that kids should be seen and not heard. We were told why can’t you be like (insert brother, sister, neighbor, classmate). What we were really being told all along is that we are not good enough who we were. Therefore, we have a lot of trouble looking at things from the positive.
Back to the young couple. They were actually having an almost all out argument. They had a 4 month old baby girl. The wife wanted a house. The husband wanted to buy a business. It was tit for tat. One would say how good one thing was. The other said, “ok, BUT”. That magic BUT! When you put BUT into any sentence, it automatically negate everything said previously. Think about that! If we could only get our buts out of the way.
Soon enough, the argument ended in a stalemate. She was not talking. He was not talking. No interaction between him and the baby. No interaction at all. I would safely guess that this was not their first conversation on the subject. What a pattern! I’m sure they have had plenty prior to this one. All ending in a stalemate. How long before they just forget about it? Bury it in their minds until some other painful thought resurrects the subject and then here we go again. Round 50! I love roller coasters. But not that kind.
I am not a good person with silence. We were in the same row. Just three seats. I could feel the tension building. What a bad vibration field for their child. Children can sense this, you know. So, I decided to break the silence and asked him where he was from. A very neutral question. Followed up by what do you do. (following the FORM method - Family Occupation Recreation Message)
Came to find out that he was unhappy in his job (there’s a shocker!) and very disgruntled in general. Why - STUPID MONEY!!! Is money the culprit here? Most would say yes…on the surface. However, it is their perception around money and life that is the problem.
She quickly posed the question, “Which is better, a house or a business?” She was looking for support…as was he. I said both! You can have both! Puzzled looks came across their faces as if to say, “how can you possibly ever do that?”.
Instead of going right for the solution, I decided to tell them a story. I learned awhile back that people tell and stories sell. I told them of a young man who got married. He thought everything was going ok. He was not on the same page financially with his wife. The marriage ended in divorce in less than a year. He wanted one thing, his wife wanted another.
That same man ended up getting married again. But this time, he talked with his wife to be and they agreed that he was an entrepreneur and she was always going to be an employee and that it was ok to have this difference. Well, they never got on the same page, let alone the same book! They never “really” understood what each others wants and needs were and, again, it ended in divorce. This time, however, it was a long ten years.
Well, the same man entered round three. However, this time it was very different. They had a 6 hour knock down, drag out session on EXACTLY what each of them wanted on EVERY front of their lives, including finances.
These sessions were held at least once every other month and now, almost two years later, everything is smooth sailing. Goals are not only being written, they are being achieved.
The reason for this story was to show that if a couple is not working together, they will eventually fall apart. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it will take longer.
In my opinion, the reason most people in this world struggle financially is that they struggle to communicate and work together. One struggle leads to another. The man in the stories was me. I, and my former wives, were unwilling to “let go” of the struggle of communicating. Instead of totally working things out, we held onto our respective positions about things and perpetuated the struggle, which lead to more struggle, and eventually divorce.
Most couples I meet seem to have this problem. One wants one thing, the other wants another and they seem to never agree. If you are in a situation like this, my advice is to let go of the struggle. Sit down and have a long session on what each of you want and how to get it. If you want to chat about anything, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
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