Losing Your Virginity!
I guess I was a late developer. Why? Well, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17 years old, (in other words, probably the last girl in my social circle to do so).
Perhaps this was down to the strict way I had been brought up. (My family would have died a thousand deaths and probably strung up any bloke in my life if they had found out I was intimate with the opposite sex beforehand, not to mention me of course). At that age I was also very innocent and naïve, so hadn't even kissed a boy until the first serious boyfriend I had, (and that wasn't until I was 16). It never went any further than the kiss or two we had whilst Prefects at school, in the dark, behind the curtains in the assembly hall. My first impressions being that he smelt and tasted of cigarettes, and that this whole 'French Kissing' lark was grossly overrated and a very sloppy experience.
Still, we carried on seeing each other for a while, until he was seen snogging another girl at a school disco I didn't attend, and I dumped him, resulting in my feeling pretty dejected, and absorbed in "Why me?" mode.
After leaving school at 16, (with a good range of qualifications behind me), I was still a virgin, and incredibly gullible and innocent. I doubt anyone took me too seriously, and I was blissfully uncaring about anything sexual, as all I wanted to do was spend time with my many pets, including my horse, a goat, a stud of over 15 show guinea-pigs/cavies, two dogs and two cats, plus about 60 chickens. Boys were something very near the bottom of my priority list!
When I finally did reach the stage of "losing my virginity", it was nothing like I had planned or expected, (actually the planning was fairly non-existent too). I had always said I would wait until I was married before I would ever have sex, (don't laugh, I meant it when I said it!). I had said a lot of things in my young life by then, including the fact I had no intention of ever marrying having seen what a rotten time my Mum had with my sickly, grumpy Father.
Well, by the age of 17 I had experienced my fair share of lads trying their best to grope their way into my affections. None of them had been successful, mainly due to their immaturity and lack of any personality. I even found one who admitted to me that he hadn't cleaned his teeth in several years.... yuk, I never let him near me again needless to say, (fortunately we had only had a bit of a snog, and any groping he had tried to do he promptly told our friends about in front of me, so I was left very relieved nothing further had happened!)
The few boys I did kind of like were already keen on other girls, or involved with them, and the ones who did show any interest in me seemed only interested in 'taking my virginity', possibly as some kind of trophy, (as it was well known by now that my best friend and I were pretty much the only virgins available).
When it finally happened it was nothing even close to what I had ever expected, and was actually a seriously big disappointment. I had been chatted up by the lead singer of a band/group our Teddy (Rock 'n' Roll) Crowd used to go and see perform during the late 1980s. He was many years my senior, (about 35 when I was 17). He certainly had the 'gift of the gab' as they say, and knew exactly how to charm a naïve 17 year old virgin. I was flattered, and by the time I found out he was married I was in way too deep emotionally.
Determined that he was going to be 'the one', I responded to his flirting, and tried desperately to organise opportunities for us to be together after he finished performing on stage each night. I wanted him to perform in a different way, and was excited by the naughtiness of our plans, (remember I was really naïve and still a virgin with no idea of the aftermath of such behaviour, or the impact on a lot of people's lives).
Well finally an opportunity arose. My family was away for a night or two, and I had our large farmhouse all to myself because I had volunteered to stay home and look after all the animals. I invited him round, and up to my small single bedroom. Hmmmm, not what I had been led to believe happened next. Firstly, for someone who was supposed to be very experienced, his effort damn well hurt, A LOT. Not impressed at all I ended the attempt, still fully virginal as ever.
At a later date I spoke to my doctor and got him to put me on the pill (yes, I know, I should have done that first), and he told me all about "Vaginismus", where a tense woman's muscles contract and make it virtually impossible for a man to penetrate, (or for a VERY unlucky man, it can make it impossible to withdraw, leading to ambulances carrying you and your partner off to hospital still welded together until the doctors can give the woman a relaxant in order to release the male partner).
I decided it was worth another try, but not at home this time!
Well, the next time we tried was in broad daylight in the front seat of his Vauxhall Chevette Car, (or 'Vauxhall Shove-it' as many people called them then). We were parked up by the scenic cliffs in Guernsey in an isolated car park. A very undignified way to lose your virginity, and I don't recommend it. Apart from the obvious discomfort of the confined space, there were the obvious problems such as still being mostly clothed, and in a place people might drive into any time to go sightseeing, and the sights they wanted to see no doubt did not include a naked man's bottom bouncing up and down in the front seat of a car!!
Amazing though it may seem, we did actually manage it. No glamour, no fun, no big 'O' (well for me at least), but wow, major disappointment!! Was this what all the hype had been about? Did people really enjoy this messy activity? And my God, if an experienced 35 year old having intercourse with me only felt like this, God only knows what it could have been like if I had been mad enough to choose a 15 or 16 year old when I had been younger!!
You would think this should have put me off him, but gullible and stupid as ever I continued to chase this man for the next 2 years, in spite of the fact he had largely lost interest since "taking" my virginity. The aggro this caused was huge, especially when it became public knowledge. The problem was I had fallen for him big time, and was not going to give up easily. I wanted him to be my man in life, and although I lived to bitterly regret it, I did get him in the end. If you want to know how it turned out, and what a 'flop' he really became, the story is told in my other hub Living with a Control Freak, which tells how over 13 years later (after moving to the UK mainland and being widowed), I ended up with this man, and what a misery he made of my life, how he tried to strangle my dog, hit me a number of times and even stabbed a friend of ours in Tenerife when we lived there. Fortunately I am no longer with him, and he is a physical mess now, but I do pity the woman who he has now married, as she deserved much better and was a lovely person.
Losing your virginity should be a special occasion.
1) Don't be in a hurry to do this because you fear you are getting left behind and all your friends seem to have 'lost theirs', (that is their misfortune and in most cases you should pity them for not having 'lost' it to a special person).
2) Save it for someone special, and before you decide who that someone is, wait until you are old enough, (or legal), to make an informed decision.
3) Take precautions, don't go near married men, and make certain whoever you choose to sleep with is not going to broadcast it to all of his or her mates as if you were some kind of trophy.
4) Do your research on your chosen person. Do they have a history of sleeping around, and if so, think about the dangers? (They could be carrying a disease such as AIDS that could end your life before it has truly begun).
5) Don't get drunk and give it away to just 'anyone'. You will regret it, (plus you will need to get AIDS tests afterwards, and quite possibly other STD tests, and even pregnancy tests if you are a woman.)
6) Don't rely on the opposite sex to have taken 'precautions', bring your own just in case, and USE them.
7) Most of all find someone you truly love to be the one you share your first time with. It really isn't any fun otherwise, and you WILL look back and regret wasting 'IT', if you just try to 'get it out of the way' with just anyone.
GOOD LUCK (don't make the mistakes I did, I was simply lucky I never got pregnant or caught something, but I DID waste my virginity on a man who really was a waste of space, and still is to this day!)
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