Middle Child, Unlucky Huh? Well, According To-Who? What "GENIUS" Thought Of This?
MIDDLE CHILDREN ARE SEEN SO NEGATIVELY
OH SO SO MISUNDERSTOOD..........
JAN BRADY SYNDROME..........UNNOTICED, UNDERVALUED, AND GENERALLY SECOND BEST.......
CALL ME ADAPTABLE & FLEXIBLE........
HIGHLY CREATIVE AND INDEPENDENT
YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ME, YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW WHO I REALLY AM! YOU DON'T KNOW #$%^&@ ABOUT ME!
This hub is in response to the fascinating question about middle children asked by hubber jenbeach 21.
According to the societal consensus, the middle child is often at a "disadvantage" and/or considered to be the "unlucky" one. The middle child seems to in the familial Friday the 13th scenario. No one, not even him/her, knows exactly who he/she actually is or his/her role in the family construct!
The middle child in the family is often the most misunderstood and/or the least fathomed of all birth orders. He/she is in what can be described as birth order purgatory. That is he/she is neither in heaven nor hell but is in the Graylands so to speak.
The middle child is called the in-between birth order. He/she is often sandwiched between the oldest and youngest child. He/she is infrequently, if ever, acknowledged for his/her individual strengths and/or accomplishments. He/she will always be considered to be either someone's older and/or younger sibling.
In essence, the middle child is seldom respected for his/her "middleness." He/she is often considered to be the anomalous birth order. His/her respective birth order is not as clearly defined as that of the oldest and/or youngest chilid. Everyone knows where those two birth orders stand and what they represent in the family scheme of things.
The oldest child is the alpha birth order while the youngest child in the family is considered to be the beta birth order. The middle child is just, well.............neither here nor there but somewhere...... He/she more than often enough is often compared to the lionized oldest child in the family. He/she is often considered to be somewhat the second fiddle in comparison to his/her oldest sibling.
The middle child is not as coddled and/or indulged as the youngest child in the family. He/she is always being overshadowed and overlooked in favor of either the oldest and/or youngest sibling. He/she has what can be called the JAN BRADY SYNDROME. To those in their late 40s to middle 50s, Jan Brady was the middle daughter in the 1970s television series, THE BRADY BUNCH. The ever resounding lament of the middle child is when will thouest be mine.
The middle child in the family never seems to get an even break. Oftentimes, he/she feels as if he/she is the least significant person in the family constellation. The middle child often reacts to this family scenario in various ways. He/she can elect to be incognito as he/she feels that no one in the family will notice him/her anyway.
The middle child adopt an aggressively vocal persona in a bid to be noticed by the rest of his/her family members. Or lastly, he/she can go HIS/HER way and be independent/different from the rest of the family. Psychological studies substantiate that it is often the middle child who is one of the most independent of all respective birth order. He/she is likely to go on lifepaths that are diametrically different from either his/her older and/or younger siblings.
The middle child often adopt an everyperson personality in order to fit in with the rest of the family members. He/she is often the jack of all trades. He/she simply assumes a personality which often fits the circumstances at hand. Because he/she is quite adaptable to the familial environment, he/she often submerges his/her own personality.
As a result of this submergence of the personality, the middle child oftentimes do not possess a high sense of self. He/she either has little or no sense of self. Of all the birth orders, middle child are the least satisfied with theirs. In essence, they are the "other" birth order so to speak.
Because the middle child is betwixt the oldest and/or youngest sibling, he/she learns to be compliant and not to make waves. He/she also learns how to be the family negotiator and the peacemaker. One of my former coworkers, a middle child of three, stated that according to her parents, she was always the cooperative one in the family. At work, she was the same way. She was the least contentious employee in the workplace. Whatever her superiors wanted her to do, she do without question. Furthermore, she would use her middle child skills and acumen to mediate and conciliate disputes between clients and corporations as an investigator.
The middle child is also a savvy team player. His/her in between family status makes him/her understand and work with many divergent personalities, some very strong and aggressive(oldest child scenario) and others who want others to help them along and do the most complex part of the work(youngest child scenario). It does not bother him/her that the team gets credit for the work although he/she may be the pivotal contributor regarding the assignment at hand.
The middle child is a good people person. He/she likes nothing better to make others comfortable in their own skin and/or surroundings. He/she not the type of person to play mindgames of dominance. He/she realizes that each person has his/her own point to make and story to tell. He/she may make suggestions if others have a problem but knows that others have viewpoints just as valid as his/hers. Nothing suits him/her better than to help others.
Because middle children see all sides of the situation without bias, he/she is often the go-to person whether in the family and/or among friends and associates. Furthermore, his/her go-to status makes him/her quite popular among his friends, peers, and associates alike. A negative side to this scenario is that the middle child tends to submerge his/her true identity in order to be liked and accepted by his/her friends, peers, and/or associates. This stems from his/her having to be compliant in order to fit in and please his/her oldest and/or youngest sibling.
The middle child is not in the spotlight as the oldest and youngest child in the family are. The oldest child is often expected to set the example and is held to a much tougher and higher standard. He/she is simply not allowed to fail. The youngest child is babied and coddled and expected to be taken care off. Both birth orders have rigid and unwritten roles and expectations of them.
As a result of not being in a rigid and preordained familial role, the middle child is unencumbered. He/she can be highly creative. He/she can adopt any role he/she wants! In fact, he/she is free to be wherever his/her dreams, intellect, talent, and drive will take him/her! He/she can really be his/her individual self as he/she does not always have to be omnipresent strong one like the oldest child nor is he/she considered to be the cute little boo like the youngest child. He/she is the freest of the two birth orders to make his/her OWN life without any hassles and/or expectations.
The middle child is often the unsung rock of the family. He/she is often the one to mend family differences. He/she is the glue who holds the family together and stresses the importance that each family member has something valuable to contribute. He/she is the friendly face other family members go to if they want advice without condemnation. He/she is of the attitude to live and let live.
As a parent, middle children believe in the participatory style of parenting. He/she is not the type of parents who proclaims that children are to be seen, not heard. He/she believe that children should make their voices heard in the family scenario. He/she is the type of parent who can vividly see his/her children's viewpoint and if the viewpoint is not too outlandish and/or bizarre, often take the viewpoint into consideration. Out of all the birth orders, the middle child is the most democratic parent.
The leadership of the middle child is often benign and participatory. He/she is the type of supervisor, superior, and boss who is not afraid to have their subordinates make suggestions to them. He/she does not feel that it is an affront to his/her authority if an employee has a novel and/or better idea than he/she has.
In fact, he/she welcomes it and feels that such participation is conducive to the smooth functioning of the workplace. He/she does not go on a power trip and contend that each title and position is important and no title and position is above and/or better than the other. He/she is also the supervisor, superior, and boss whose door is always open if an employee has a problem or concern that he/she wants to discuss.
In summation, the middle child is considered to be the in-between sibling. He/she is between the oldest and youngest child in the family. The position of middle child is often the most misunderstood and least fathomable birth order position.
The position is not so easy delineated as being the oldest and youngest are. The middle child is neither here nor there. He/she is seldom appreciated for his/her unique personality but is always the appendage of either an oldest and/or youngest sibling.
However, the middle child's position in the family constellation is not preordained like the oldest and youngest child in the family. Both birth orders have unwritten expectations as to whom they must be. He/she does not have such preordained roles and/or unwritten expectations as what he/she MUST be. As a result, he/she can be free to be whatever and whoever he/she wants to be.
The middle child is often the glue that holds families together. He/she can be relied upon without much fanfare and fuss. He/she is the go-to person if one has a problem if the latter wants an ear to voice complaints and/or a shoulder to cry on.
Even though the middle child is purported to be the unluckiest of birth orders, he/she is lucky in ways that the oldest and youngest child are not. He/she has the profound understanding and acceptance of the human condition. He/she exemplifies the true meaning of the understanding, nonjudgmental everperson who sees the value of everyone, no matter what his/her status and/or station in life. He/she truly practices equality!
- Being a Middle Child
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© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams
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