Our Schools are Killing our Children

We must get serious about bullying

I was recently on a radio talkshow talking about bullying. Yet another child had committed suicide - in my mind, murdered by persecution from bullies he felt he could no longer bear to face.

Imagine a young boy, getting into his bed, the one with the colourful picture covers, that curled up in - fresh out of the bath - soapy sweet snuggly place where stories were told, hugs, kisses, and giggles were shared, and dreams were dreamed, tying a plastic bag around his head, truly believing that it would be better to cut his life short, forgo all of life's possible adventures and joys, leave the people he loves, rather than face his oppressors once again. Do you imagine that before he put on the bag, the one he fearfully snuck and hid upstairs, he looked around his room one last time, wide eyes lingering on familiar posters and treasured mementoes? Can you picture him playing with his favourite toys just one more time, perhaps saying goodbye to his dog - getting one last slobbery kiss? Maybe he even did his homework one last time like he knew a good boy would. And imagine the poor father who found him.

It enrages me! Despite clear evidence that there are comprehensive anti-bullying programs available (such as the internationally reknowned Olweus Program) that prevent bullying and promote peace, many of our schools remain unsafe for the children who should find these places a refuge and a haven within which to grow and be nurtured. Far too many children DREAD going to school, and far too many children die or become severely damaged from the persecution they receive.

None of this will change until we become as serious about protecting our children's rights as we are about the rights of adults. There is no way that we adults would ever put up with in our workplaces the kind of traumatizing tormenting that our children suffer from in theirs.

Imagine if you called your co-workers names, pushed them around, intimidated them, persecuted them. How long would you keep your job? You'd have to leave, wouldn't you? Then how is it that bullies are permitted to stay in our schools? Oh yes, they might get an occasional suspension, but soon enough, there they are, back again with no change in behaviour or attitude, and the oppression continues, only now worse because of retribution. Small wonder that kids are afraid to speak up or intervene.

Our school boards, teachers, and administrators need to start taking bullying far more seriously. Until they do, I say they are complicit in the deaths that are caused by the murderous behaviour of the bullies they harbour. Until they do, I applaud the recent law suits filed by parents against schools for not protecting their children's rights to a safe working environment. And I encourage parents to protest unsafe schools by refusing to bring their children to school until that school is safe. Think about it; in what other unsafe situation/environment would you ever leave your child? Band together with other parents. Join or form homeschooling associations. Do anything but expose your child to risk for suicide, depression, and demolished self-esteem - especially if you know your child is being bullied!

What further enrages me is when victims of bullying oppression are blamed for their misery. The message to them really is to stop being so damn different! Be more confident, be more social, look people in the eyes, talk more, etc. etc. Would you accept this advice at your workplace if you were being bullied there? Can we please begin teaching children right from the start about valuing difference rather than being threatened by it? The emphasis should be on preventing bullying behaviour, not on changing the behaviour of the innocent who may have a different way of walking, thinking, dressing, talking, being. Let nerds be nerds (I speak as a devout nerd).

A bully who continues to bully gives up his/her right to a public education. Your rights should never interfere with the right of others to enjoy the same. If they do, you need to be removed from the company of those whom you are damaging until you can prove you are able to safely return.

Until we start removing bullies, institute comprehensive early onset anti-bullying programs, and teach children how to respect and love each other with the same time and energy commitment we have to teaching them math, science, and english, we will continue to inflict suffering on our children. They will continue to commit suicide, or engage in other self destructive behaviour, or they will become destructive of others out of their understandable pain, bitterness, and rage. And then, when they die, or take a gun to school, or blow up buildings (when young or as damaged adults), we will once again throw up our well-wrung hands and stupidly wonder, "How could such a terrible tragedy happen to..."

Thank you for reading. You can connect with me via my website www.integrityworks.ca and email tselles@integritywks.ca.

Theo Selles, M.Sc.


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Comments 10 comments

the clean life profile image

the clean life 4 years ago from New Jersey Shore

What a excellent hub my friend. You have covered all bases and this hub should indeed get the point across to many people. Wake up people and listen to our children. Lets not let one more innocent life be taken by there own self. Bullying MUST STOP NOW!

Thank you so much for writing this. Vited UP and Useful!


Theo Selles profile image

Theo Selles 4 years ago Author

Thank you, sir. Let's fight for our kids.


bulldogrocks profile image

bulldogrocks 4 years ago from Colorado

Excellent hub that is so true. My kids have been bullied since pre-school and I have changed schools and fought with the principals because of it. I think we should fight for our kids and don't take no for an answer, or by the bull of "these kids come from broken homes so".


Theo Selles profile image

Theo Selles 4 years ago Author

That's the spirit! No bullies - no excuses!


Drew 4 years ago

Good article. When you think about it, our whole culture is soaked in violence and bullying. Taxation and "the law" itself is institutional violence. Don't want to pay voluntarily? People with guns will force you to pay. But, what is the lesson we tell children? Bullying is bad. Violence is not a solution to problems. What do we do? Bully, intimidate, use force. The world of adults: where black is white and up is down, where we tell kids violence is wrong and then make exceptions for ourselves.


Theo Selles profile image

Theo Selles 4 years ago Author

Interesting, thought provoking comments. Thanks, Drew.

Theo


TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 4 years ago

I was a teacher for 26 years. Bullying was not a big issue when I retired in 1999, but even then problems were evident. This actually is a police matter, not one that schools are prepared to handle. To be honest, many teachers and administrators (and parents, too), are afraid of the kids. Think about it. The average teacher deals with 150 plus kids a day. That's a minimum of 30 to 1 odds every hour, not to mention the times between classes when the halls are full of kids.

People are just no beginning to realize that schools are not safe places, either for employees or students. They are too big and too impersonal. They are undermanned and under trained. You can thank the politicians for that. Even the police officers who now man many schools fear the danger. One of them told me he always stands with his back to the wall and warned me to either stay out of the halls between classes or do the same as he does.

This is much bigger than bullying. Kids are not born as bullies. They learn it somewhere...from parents, violent computer games or as victims, themselves. You have opened a can of worms with this one and I'm glad you did. Outstanding piece of writing. Voted up.


Theo Selles profile image

Theo Selles 4 years ago Author

Thank you. You bring up an important point about teachers being at risk. They're at risk physically and they're at risk punitively from students who are all too ready to cry harassment and abuse when teachers do attempt to impose discipline.


shea duane profile image

shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

I've recently publish a hub on my son's situation with a bully at school. We will see what happens in September... But this will stop no matter what I have to do. thanks for this hub.


Theo Selles profile image

Theo Selles 4 years ago Author

You are welcome. I'll check yours out as well.

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