The Latest on Aliens: Stonehenge Revisited

Stonehenge Construction Co.
Stonehenge Construction Co.
Thak (center) and his co-pilots  after arriving on Earth
Thak (center) and his co-pilots after arriving on Earth

"They" Came -- From Across the Pond

We've all heard "Give credit where credit is due", yet it seems everyone from the very ignorant to the most educated are still prone to overlook the stunning accomplishments of so-called 'primitive man'. Even with all the evidence we have that slave labor built the Egyptian pyramids, some history experts still claim these structures are too geometrically perfect in shape and measurements to be man-made and were more likely to have been constructed by the gods - or by aliens, depending on who you talk to. (Lorin Nore, fellow in prehistory of Cretin College in Naples said "It's hard to accept that modern man, with all his edu- cation, is only a fraction as smart as the ancient aliens.")

A Little History

Just within the last hundred years numerous discoveries of ancient ruins, from the lost underground pyramids recently located in Egypt using satellite and infrared technology, to Stonehenge in England, have been attributed to alien invaders, alien visitors, and alien aluminum siding salesmen. And now, even as the United States is becoming alien-tolerant, the blame game continues globally. Everyone is pointing fingers. Most claim aliens built everything, while the aliens, no doubt, are blaming us earth-dwellers for all the shoddy workmanship.

Let's look back at a little history.

H. G. Wells, in his early science fiction articles around 1893, described the world's population as eventually morphing into a race of delicate-looking big-headed beings with huge almond shaped eyes and gray-tinted skin - not exactly 'people of color'. Ironically, this description, which persists in more current reports of space alien sightings, is an obvious offshoot of these images, common in most of the alien abduction stories that erupted in the 60's. If Wells had described the aliens as short, fat, dumpy bipeds, well, that could be anyone.

In the early 19th century, H.G. continued discussing his little grey extra-terrestrials, even depicting them as an intended food source that was transported here by the large warlike space aliens in his novel The War of the Worlds.

Perhaps it's a good thing he didn't describe them as "one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people-eaters" or that might be the image promulgated today in the supermarket tabloids as they kidnapped children, ate our pets, and flew their odd cigar-shaped ships off into the horizon at light speed with Air Force jets hot on their tails.

Dr. Hans Flinglehoffer, Chief Astrophysicist at the prestigious think tank The Bernouli Institute of Kinetic Theory in Oslo commented, when asked his opinion of this issue, "At zis time it is uncertain how zay measure up to zee Cuban cigars."

Going Back in Time

In the 1930s, the science fiction novel The Unknown Danger was released. The novel truly frightened its audience because the aliens in it resembled small grey jelly-like primates, but were unlike any previously known humans. Instead they seemed to conform closely to the description of the little large-headed beings that Wells had previously invented. Their most prominent features were their large dark eyes and their soft gray pliable skin or garments. Once the newspapers reported on the 1961 alleged abduction of Betty and Barney Hill, flying saucer sightings increased and these alien being images gained prominence. The general description of the Hills' abductors was clearly similar and the impression solidified.

In 1933, the Swedish novelist Johann Michaels published a science fiction novel called The Rotten Stables of Ireland, in which he described the sociological background of a possible race of extra-terrestrials. Tracing the history of a number of nomadic peoples that began moving southwest from Siberia about 5000 years ago, he proposed that some tribes lived for a time along the base of the Ural mountains. As they propagated, their descendants moved down along the coasts south of Finland, and then across the Gulf of Bothnia to Sweden and Norway. From there they crossed the North Sea, eventually settling in the northern area of what is now the United Kingdom.

Making slaves of other tribes being common between 2000-3000 BC, one tribe claimed to have purchased a "Giant child" from Middle Eastern nomads. The child was thought to be a distant relative of the giant Goliath from biblical times and speculated to be of alien descent. As the child grew, he took on much of the heaviest work, eventually leading a band of strong men and making his tribe one to be contended with among their neighbors. This tribe eventually proved so formidable that most of the other tribes moved away to escape them, going North to populate the area called "the islands", Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.

As time went on, the Giant Child tribe remained to the south in what is now England, being an essentially peaceful people who farmed and built cities and towns and fished along the southern shore of the English Channel. Finally coming into contact with the other tribes living to their north, and by now generations later, all were less warlike as well as more amenable to build a beneficent social brotherhood. This brotherhood encouraged inter-tribal trade through outdoor festivals and gatherings in a sort of farmer's market environment, which sometimes also spurred beneficial social contacts and opportunities to meet and greet and enjoy different types of food and drink from diverse areas.

The Irish were adept at such gatherings on their side of the channel and were natural organizers of drinking fests around which all else centered, thus the happy environment brought the crowds and greased the skids for all forms of alliances. Some documentation from that period seemed to indicate that a loose trade affiliation was formed known as the 'United Frat Organization' (UFO). Over time the UFO became a successful referral group and it is suggested that it might have been one of the forerunners of the Masonic lodges.

The UFO's designated gathering area was the middle of a large berm that the Giant Child tribe had long used as a graveyard, constituting a dense complex of hundreds of burial mounds and stone grave markers. This location had numerous thin stone slabs set about in a circle for seating. While Robert's Rules of Order were not in use then, the layout does show a high level of organization. Unfortunately, it appears that over time the pragmatic group that was running things may have lost the local elections and was unable to keep order.

The few fragments of meeting minutes that were preserved during the latter years went from orderly to scrawled to unintelligible with each successive meeting season. Thereafter, few written records appear to have been saved, other than scribbled orders for more and more monumental amounts of beer, wine, and potato chips. Whatever evidence was left indicated that the meetings continued unabated - possibly non-stop - and the officers of the group just sat around 24/7 on their flat rocks getting stoned. There were no accounting notes, but neither is there evidence of any complaints of missed paychecks.

Michaels claims that the old county records of Wiltshire, England own up to hosting this large group's meetings, and as he tells it, the meeting members were such avid partiers, they ate, drank, and slept in the vicinity of this location, causing some longstanding and embarrassing odors. From its higher elevation, the cool breezes in the evening tended to waft over the high area leaving clean fresh air for the constant inhabitants, but then carried their 'unholy fragrance' downhill throughout the local townships. Unaware of its origin, the townspeople gasped and gagged, and one man's joke about the ghastly 'stable smells' led to the people of the area blaming the stench on their neighbors, the Irish; hence the title, The Rotten Stables of Ireland.

As word got around and the more sober ones of the group that met on the hill felt it necessary to address this dilemma. It was finally brought to a vote and was decided that the United Frat Organization needed a "frat house" of sorts to prevent the escape of their noxious gases, the very thing that might blow their cover and result in a permanent disenfranchising of their longstanding organization.

The Giant Child himself, now a man quite elderly, but close to ten feet tall and still strong as an ox, was asked to gather some men and begin work as soon as possible, in return for a seat on the Board (or on the rocks). He gathered his entourage and began construction of what is now recognized as one of the most famous sites in the world, called "Stonehenge", cleverly creating a series of tall, thick, hewn stone barriers arranged in a large circle for walls, but with plenty of room between them for access and ventilation. Even a deep trench was prepared just beyond the central meeting area where attendees could throw the scorched bones of their all-you-can-eat barbecues (later throwing into question whether the area was ever really a burial ground).

This construction thoroughly met the needs of the civilization for which it was intended, even if the people of that time both secretly derided and openly jeered the members for using such a stupid sounding 'club name' as The UFO group. It wasn't until some time later when the local chieftains of modern medicine sniffed out the meeting site, that they diagnosed it as a health hazard and permanently quarantined the area. It was about then that the United Frat Organization's 'founding charter' was rediscovered (under a rock) and modern day researchers found out that the name of this group of ancients that historians had been referring to all this time was actually incorrect. The two middle letters of the word 'F-r-a-t' were transposed.

Finger Pointing Begins

Probably to save face, all references to alien intervention were cheerfully accepted from every source to cover up the group's municipal naughtiness, and especially to placate the local townships downwind. Thus the stone-decor of the location was hailed as an example of alien architecture and became a celebrated prehistoric site that continues to receive the attention and admiration of many generations to the present day for its unique design and the ancient mystery surrounding it.

"You may put a hundred questions to these rough-hewn giants as they bend in grim contemplation of their fallen companions, but your curiosity falls dead in the vast sunny stillness that enshrouds them." Henry James

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