The Middle Child In The Large And Very Large Family, Part 2/2
Becoming Assertive & Vocal in Order to GET NOTICED by Parents
Acting as BRIDGES & ADVISORS to Their Siblings
What Am I, Who Am I, Where Am I
This is part 2 and the conclusion of this hub.
XIII. Will NOT be Ignored, Becoming SELF-ASSERTIVE
Many middle children feel that they have no other recourse to be overlooked and ignored by their parents and/or oldest/older siblings but to fade into the background. However, there are others who elect to be highly visible and to grab as much attention to themselves as possible. They intend not to be slighted by anyone. They are going to show others, particularly their parents, that they are alive and present.
XIV. Got to STAND OUT Just to be NOTICED
In the large and very large family environment(6 and more children per family), there is more sibling competition for parental attention. Apart from each child's respective birth order, some children because of their characteristics, gifts, and/or general personality are going to noticed more by their parents than other children. Oftentimes, it is the child who possesses the most outstanding characteristics who is likely to be noticed in the large and very large family environment. Children who are reticient and do not have outstanding characteristics are oftentimes overlooked in large and very large families.
XV. Creating & Developing THAT Special, UNIQUE Niche
Some middle children become noticed by their parents and others by developing something individual and unique which cannot be copied by their siblings. They either possess or develop a talent that other members of the family do not possess. They can also be the go to person or confidante for both their older and younger siblings. They also become the family's everyperson who creates harmonious familial conditions.
XVI. Resorting to AGGRESSIVENESS in Order to be HEARD
There are others who become highly aggressive and vocal in order to garner attention for themselves. They believe that since there is intense and varied competition for parental resources, whether it is physical, emotional, and/or financial, they intend to be the most aggressive and vocal in order for them to get the most attention. According to interviews and many biographies, Madonna the middle of 8 children became an academic overachiever and developed prodigious talents. In addition, these sources relayed that she became highly vocal in order to get the needed attention from her father and stepmother.
XVII. Being THE Overachiever
There are some middle children in large and very large families who become overachievers in academics, sports, music, and/or other areas. They do this for multifold reasons. First of all, they do this to carve out their individual brand and niche to set them apart from their other siblings. Secondly, they contend that by establishing their own individual niche, they will receive the parental affection and attention that they deserve.
XVIII. Possessing a UNIQUE, Even PRODIGIOUS Talent
Other middle children in large and very large families receive parental attention over the other siblings on the bases of their innate talents. Such children are often prodigious and/or otherwise gifted. To their parents, these children have a bright future and the former invest heavily in this child, sometimes to the detriment of the other children in the family. Their parents consider them to be the golden child who has a bright future and is on the fast track to success. This middle child is considered to be the golden child of promise to the parents. The late Michael Jackson, the middle of 10 children, exemplified this golden child familial status.
XIX. ANY Attention, even Negative is Much Better Than NO Attention at All
Some middle children in large and very large families resort to more negative methods to get attention from their parents. They maintain that negative attention is better than no attention at all. They will go to any lengths to get the parental attention that they crave. No act is too outrageous in their minds.
XX. Choosing Positive, Outside Adult Role Models
Still others receive neither positive and/or negative parental attention. Some will choose other positive adult authoritative models, either relatives or nonrelatives. A few others will gravitate towards more negative role models in order to feel important and wanted.
XXI. Acting and Being Familial Negotiators, In Betweens and Advisors
Middle children in large and very large families oftentimes act as bridges between the oldest/older and younger/youngest siblings. Such children are the glue that hold their respective families together. They are also the diplomats who can see all sides of the family argument, finding a resolution to please all parties involved.
The middle child in the large and very large family often the advisory older sibling to his/her younger siblings. Oftentimes, the oldest child in large and very large families do not exist in the advisory role to his/her younger siblings. He/she is in the role of the second parent to the younger siblings. The middle child does not have to assume the role of second parent to his/her younger siblings as the oldest child have to do. This frees him/her to be in the more glamorous, advisory role of the cool, hip older sibling.
XXII. Learning the ART of Being Part of a Team
Middle children in large and very large families learn to exist as part of a team. They know that sometimes that it is not about them at all. They learn how to be diplomats and to see all sides of varied family arguments. In other words, oftentimes, they have to go along to get along.
In summation, middle children in large and very large families are oftentimes overshadowed and overlooked. It is quite commonplace for them to be lost in the family shuffle among their older and younger siblings. They also feel that they are not individuals in their own right but a nameless cog in their respective families. As a result of being overshadowed, they have a low self-concept. Middle children in large and very large families respond to being overshadowed in a myriad of ways which range from becoming totally anonymous to being highly aggressive in order to receive the needed, individual parental attention.
Since parental resources are spread thin in large and very large families, middle children are oftentimes left to their own devices. They have to raise themselves and become independent very early in life. As their parents are busy with other duties, they have no other person to depend upon except for themselves. Such middle children learn how to be highly resourceful and independent as a result of there being little parental resources available to them.
In addition to being the most independent and resourceful of all large family birth orders, middle children are also the most freest. They are not encumbered with rigid birth order roles such as the oldest and youngest child. They have the leeway to explore many roles and to be whoever and whatever they want. They are also the birth order who has the most outside friends, activities, and hobbies. Furthermore, they are the most likely to have an independent and individual life apart from that of the rest of their siblings.
Middle children in large and very large families learn the art of compromise and negotiating with others very early in life. They recognize the fact that all opinions are legitimate and valid in their own way. They must realize that it is always good to the anonymous one in the background and to let their individual light shine.
© 2013 Grace Marguerite Williams
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