The Poor Man's Guide to Slaying a Vampire

This article is instructional and was written in the spirit of entertainment. Do not go out and start staking. decapitating, and burning suspected vampires. You will be arrested and imprisoned for murder.

Vampire Slaying

Vampire Clip Art Source: Les Tribunaux Secrets By: R. De Moraine Status: Public Domain in the USA*
Vampire Clip Art Source: Les Tribunaux Secrets By: R. De Moraine Status: Public Domain in the USA* | Source

Facing the Undead? Build a Poor Man's Slaying Kit:

All sources throughout the ages and over physical geographic distances seem to agree on certain facts that have shown to be effective against Vampires. If you are faced with a vampire having the following information and equipment will save your life.

Item List:

  • Garlic - I know this seems crazy but at least a clove is suggested.
  • A Sword - A steel sword plated with silver in the blade's cutting edge.
  • Fire and Fuel - A can of gasoline and a zippo lighter, a zippo lighter stays lit and can be thrown.
  • A Bag of Stakes - 6+ stakes silver tipped and a mallet.

The Truth & Stages of Vampire Slaying:

  1. Driving a stake through a vampire's heart will incapacitate a vampire. Does it kill a vampire? Well some believe that the only way to truly be rid of the undead and put them down take secondary measures. But to end a vampires bloodsucking rampage find it's lair and hammer that corpse in the heart. Use silver tipped stakes to rekill the undead.
  2. Using your sword cut off the vampire's head.
  3. Once these two former steps are done burn the vampires remains.
  4. When the body is burned take the bones of the vampire and bury the skeleton over a long distance and keep them separate.

Don't go around staking people. It really isn't nice.

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Comments 2 comments

johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

Nowadays you have to worry about whether your vampire-staking is justified, because there are a lot of good-hearted vampires and lots and lots of vampire fanboys.


Cow Flipper profile image

Cow Flipper 4 years ago from Southern Oregon Author

Yeah, I hate getting staked for no reason.

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