Psychology of Attraction And The Power Of The Mind

The Unknown - our senses

Have you ever felt the need to go to a place you have never been? Like Paris! You have seen it on television or read about it and you are dying to experience it. You save every last penny to take a vacation there, not knowing anything about the place or what they offer, or even if you can really afford it.

As a girl I, read quite a few romance novels by some of the best in the business. There were times I felt very much in love with the hero and sometimes a little jealous of the heroine. The intimacy of the characters would set me on fire as I savored every last detail.

There is a romanticism attached to the unknown. We yearn to know what a place looks like, or yearn for a potential lover's kiss or touch. We yearn to taste a new treat that we got a whiff of or have seen in the bakery window.

Our senses awaken the yearning for the unknown from deep within us. Sight and touch is generally attached to the yearning that equals intimacy. Smell is attached to taste but all these vary depending on what we see touch and smell. Even sounds can have us romanticizing.

The attraction to an idea - our perception

Since I joined HubPages I have been drawn to many writers both male and female, but I realized there was a kind of "special" attraction I felt towards a few that I believe to be of the opposite sex. I am engaged to be married and love my finance` very much, but I find myself fascinated and even intrigued with these writers. Why?

I don't know what they really look like so it can't be because they are handsome or gorgeous. I don't really know them for real so I can't say their personalities have attracted me. I don't know how romantic or sensitive they are. Are they loving and tender? I don't know. Then what is this attraction about.


In the case of HubPages; when I read my friends hubs - the more interesting the hubs and the more personal the responses or the interactions in the forums, will actually give a feeling of belonging and closeness. Before I know it, I feel pulled toward a that hubber.

The idea of an intelligent, interesting and caring individual will trigger such feelings as in my case. As an experienced adult I know that it wont last and it's not a basis to form intimacy. The fact is we are attracted to the perception of what we think the person is really like.

Take for instance, the same person(s) I feel attraction towards, sends me a hate mail or abuses me in the forums. Maybe they stop following me and not read my hubs and comment anymore. It is very likely that I may not feel so drawn to that/those person(s) anymore as my perception of them changes.

The deep need to go to Paris is our perception of what Paris will really be like based on what we have heard, read or seen on TV. Before you ever had tiramisu, you have heard that it's an Italian dessert made of a layers of cake, cream, chocolate and liquor. Sounds mouthwatering as our perception of this desert awakens our need to taste it.

5 Attributes of attraction

According to psychologists there are five basic attribute to being attracted to someone. These attributes are not the biological responses but merely the mental/psychological responses associated with being drawn to someone.

  1. Proximity - Living close to someone, working closely together can have a positive effect on the way people behave. Two things tend to happen. We either get to like someone really well or we get annoyed with them very easily and can't stand to be around them. Close proximity build attraction between not only humans but animals and even plants. Yes plants, as they too tend to start intertwining and depend on each other for support.
  2. Association - This can be either frequent or seldom. Hubpages is a prime example of association without the proximity. People can build relationships through distant associations.
  3. Similarity - Most of HP writers have something in common - writing! This is a similarity most of us share and getting to know each other will reveal other similarities that draw us together.
  4. Reciprocation - If I know John likes me I am more inclined to be drawn to John. I will like him back. His responses to my questions or comments on my hub will give me an idea how he sees me, yet they are only my perception of how he sees me or feels. According to this law we tend to like those who like us.
  5. Physical attractiveness - In real life we are attracted to people who are better looking. Even here on HP, you will find a guy sending an email telling you how much they like you because they like your avatar (this has happened to me several times).

Should we or shouln't we


What to do about our attraction towards each other even though we are miles away? That very special friend who gives me advice when I need it, do I ignore the attraction because we may never meet? Do I ignore because my attraction is based on my perception of them because I don't really know them?

I say no. We have already formed a bond and that bond must mean something. Distance does not matter and positive perceptions are good as they keep these kinds of relationships harmonious. I love the perceptions I have of all my fellow hubbers because I try to keep positive mental images of them.


Being attracted to someone in close proximity does not guarantee a lasting intimate relationship. One should be careful not to confuse attraction with desire. There are different ways in which we can find someone attractive such as:

  • Intellectual attraction
  • Spiritual
  • Personality
  • Physical

Whatever the attraction it is always good to form bonds so I say give your friendship a try when you feel attracted to someone for any reason at all.

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Comments 41 comments

FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

It is a unique relationship that we here on hubpages have that you do not have on other websites since we are reading each other's writing-and when you are writing you reveal a part of your soul even if you are not writing about yourself. You cannot write about something that is beyond the concept of your imagination, even though you can write beyond that of your own experience.

For example, I do not have children but I wrote my poem about Stevie Wonder's music about and parent and child.

I have very strong attachments to some of the writers here on hubpages, some male and some female. You ar eone of them. I haven't met any of you and will likely never meet even one of you.

as far as traveling-I have a very strong sense that I would love to go to Italy and spend hours in museums and churches and other buildings looking at famous artwork. I especially need to go to Florence.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi Flora, you have it down pat...

We do have a strong attachment to each other here and that attraction as you say, seem to be triggered by the fact that we share a part of our soul when we write. We get to "know" each other through our work. We perceive each other in a certain light and that is good, it keeps us attached. I have that bond with you too.

The places I want to visit most are Sweden and Switzerland.

SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 5 years ago from eastern North Dakota

Wow, a great hub, Cardisa, I get the feeling it rolled out of you with no problem. I'm attracted to you first because of your warmth and honesty that comes streaming over from your comments on my hubs. In your avatar is a warm smile and nothing but honesty in your eyes.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Wow James! You too must know how I feel about you. I am so very much attracted to you. You have been so helpful and honest to me and I know I can count on you to always tell me the truth. I really appreciate you and I am happy to have met you here.

Yes this hub was inspired by the attraction I have felt for all my friends here.

FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 5 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

I liked this Hub, but it took my thoughts in a different direction. I thought of actors, and how their own personality gets lost to the perception of personality portrayed in the characters they play. I thought of role-players, who sometimes are almost overwhelmed in astonishment when they meet the player behind the character they know so well. And I was reminded of the saying 'Nothing ever is what it seems to be', and yes, for this media I would agree, our attraction is due to our perception of who the person behind the writing is, and to their values, rather than to one of the physical attractions.

thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

Hey babes, you talk so much sense that it is scary. I too have and still am drawn by other hubbers. The reason, I know not why? Some hubbers are brave and daring to speak of things that my soul aches to hear. Others are so insensitive that I want to pull their heads off, and yet still, those who seam able to stir my emotions are just to powerful to pass by.

My hub world is like my dream land, full of promise and temptation and also forbidden delights. You are a beautiful girl who will always be sought after. Your mind is caring and sensitive, tolerant and proud but most of all, the support that you offer fellow hubbers is such a genuine light from your soul. x

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Jim, the same laws of attraction does apply to actors and our perception of them. Take for example David Hasslehoff, I totally adored the man until I saw some very disturbing things about him in the media, then my perception changed. I still like him but will never really adore him as the guy with the talking car or the sexy lifeguard supervisor. I used to go crazy for Brad Pitt until he left Jennifer for Angelina (I totally love Angelina but not for Brad).

Our perception of each other is what keeps us reading and commenting on each others' work. It keep us harmonious.

Thanks Jim, did I tell you that my perception of you is a fitness buff?

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Annette you comment is making me cry. I just plain love you!

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well the place I most want to visit is the door to your bedroom ......

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...and by the way I really 'dig' your avatar .....

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago's funny about life because I arrived here to continue your romantic story YOU GIVE ME BUTTERFLIES and I got distracted (momentarily and I will return) by your most remarkable hub subject here - please allow me to post this great idea of a hub to my Facebook page with a direct link back here because you really are a terrific non-fiction writer too Miss C - and the sexiest thing about you - is your brilliant mind.

lake erie time 2:55pm

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Mr. Epi, you are naughty today.....hmmmmm. You comments always give me butterflies. Yes you may post the link, thanks. I am honored that you think I have a brilliant mind.

I thank you for "digging' my avatar.

I really adore you so much!

Josephine 5 years ago

Great food for thought!

Josephine 5 years ago

This does explain why I find it difficult to appreciate

movies adapted from novels I have read.

thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

I have never read something so deep and unique like this before. I am nearly speechless. No lie, it is that good. You are a brilliant writer. To me, it seems you have the ability to read someone or get a feel for them. Just my perception. That is a special gift if so. It can sometimes be unusual who we are attracted to, but our first sense is usually right. This hub should be rewarded. Wow.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

The have a point there Josephine. After reading a novel and forming a perception of the characters, it's difficult to see actors in those roles, especially if those actors aren't who you would like to play the roles.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

The Lyricwriter, I am so attracted to you and your avatar right now. You are really appreciated.

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

We can easily fall deeply in love with someone based solely on their words. I sometimes wonder if blind people might have an advantage in the realm of love, since they are not distracted or mesmerized by physical beauty, letting them concentrate on the beauty of what is in the mind.

There are several women here I find very attractive, because their seductive feminine aura surfaces so well in their written word.

But I will never tell you who you are!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

I find your words quite mesmerizing Will. I find that when I don't see something from you in a while I miss you dearly, and as soon as you post something, this wild, wide smile appears on my face. I agree with you about those that are blind.

Shhhhh...mums the word about who that is!

LuisEGonzalez profile image

LuisEGonzalez 5 years ago from Miami, Florida

Girl you have got some talent. Your hub is quite interesting and a good read.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thank you Luis (blushing and beaming)...I feel very good seeing you here in my hubspace.

profile image

Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Hello Cardisa,

You have written a great hub with lots of wonderful thoughts that we all have felt and seen. It is a common bond we share and some more than others. You my friend have a kind heart and I love your honesty..I remember us connecting over the mermaid Do you remember?..we laughed and thus a friendship was born..I treasure you and am so thankful we are friends.

Much love,


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi Sunnie, I do remember the mermaid thing and I too am glad we have a wonderful bond here in our virtual community. I know you are one hubber who cherishes your friendships and am happy to have met you.

My Minds Eye53 profile image

My Minds Eye53 5 years ago from Tennessee

I belonged to an on line writer/readers circle. We all became great friends. Almost all of us met at least one of the other members face to face. A group of us (I included) planned and went to a writers conference together. Six of us even shared a hotel room. It was great fun. We all still know each other. So I know of what you speak of Cardisa. It is easy to find kindred spirits on a site like this. If you pay attention you can separate the phoneys from the real friends.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

MME, you are so right and I would so like to meet some of my friends here on HP and spend our time in the same hotel room. I love my HP friends and I wish the friendships will last a long time.

dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

As you noted, our perception is our reality. Our writing styles and subject content reflect who we are. Your sensitivity is showing!

Thanks for sharing.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thank you Dallas93444, I appreciate the comment.

Have a blessed weekend.

dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Welcome! Life is what we do while we are making plans.

Do something awesome for yourself TODAY! Share the joy..!

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thanks, I will!

floating mind profile image

floating mind 5 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

Interesting hub Cardisa.

The connection that can be made between people simply by writing about what they know or the experiences they have, does create a kind of bond between these unknown followers and writers. A connection the can grow to the depths that the individual parties are willing to take it.

I like reading what others have to say about a lot of different topics. It's a way for me to plug into there world from their point of view, thereby helping me to improve the perception of my world.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Floating Mind, your comment summed it all up. I am so honored to have my Hub friends. I don't have a lot of friends at home, just a few, so this is very special for me.

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Fantastic hub! I have a need to go to Ireland. Why...I am a big Nora Roberts fan and love all her romance books written about Ireland. Scotland is another place as my grandmother was from there and she would tell me stories of her childhood in Scotland and I long to see the places she spoke of.

I have met so many wonderful people here at HubPages that I would very much like to meet in person. You are definitively one of them. You just never know what will happen and hopefully we will meet one day.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

I hope so too Susan. I hope all our hub friends can meet and have a great weekend or holiday together.

Dardia profile image

Dardia 5 years ago from Michigan

Hello Cardisa,

I think that you get an intimate feel for someone when you read their hubs. People used to write letters and fall in love, even get engaged to marry without ever meeting in person. I have always felt that I can express myself better on paper than I can speaking. In some cases I think I lose my fear of not being accepted when I am writing. I guess in person I have a form of stage fright. I am not as shy as I was in the past, and my writing is not as good as it used to be. I wonder why that is?

I like Susan, am drawn to lands of my ancestors. As an American I have ancestors from many countries. So I am attracted to Norway, Ireland, Scotland, France, Germany, and England as well as the country I live in, as my great great grandmother was part Native American. I am also drawn to other countries and as far as I know I have no ancestors from there. Such as Jamaica! It looks so beautiful.

Interesting hub, thanks for sharing!

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Thanks Dardia, I guess we all feel some attraction to people who share an intimate space such as us here on HP. You said it well. I have fallen in love with writers so many times!

mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 5 years ago

This hub captures the bonding that takes place here on hubpages. But if you should ever want to take a vacation to the US be sure and let you adopted family know.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

There is no other place I would rather stay than with my adopted Mom and Big Nam! Thanks Mljdgulley354.

Cyndi10 profile image

Cyndi10 5 years ago from Georgia

This was a great hub. Its good to see that the phenomenon is pretty widespread on Hubpages. Thought it was just me, so I stopped paying a lot of attention to it. But then I suppose we are no different with the way we feel about writers on on Hubpages than the way we feel about other writers in the general population. (Although it may be more intense because we are able to form bonds.) We feel their writing gives us a glimpse of their souls. Glad Emerald shared this, since it's one of yours I hadn't read.

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hi Cyndi10, your comment makes me feel so wonderful this Saturday morning. In most cases people around the world have this feeling of indifference until they create relationships and realize we are no different when it comes to how humans feel. I am happy to know you feel the same

Karma 2 years ago

Lol at sending out DMCA's. So utterly bizarre. A completely insignificant blog set to private, that no one can see anyway, what harm could it have possibly been doing. I have no idea why i saved it anyway tbh. Obviously it has been deleted, but thanks for trying to get my account shut down over absolutely nothing anyway. Cheers.

Humanity is a delusion.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 2 years ago from Jamaica Author

Hello Karma, I am approving this comment so all can see the response from a content thief. Someone dumb enough not to be able to write their own article. What did you expect? The plagiarism checker here picked it up so it could not have been set to private. I was able to see it so I am sure many others were too.

They say "Karma is a bitch" and I am sure I have nothing to worry about since I was not the one to steal from you. Maybe you should try looking in the mirror right before to learn to write.

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