The School Bus Chronicles: "I GOTTA PEE!!!"
This is the real Miss Frizzle!
I'm so not Miss Frizzle!
I have to admit it. I'm a school bus driver. That's right. I'm the one behind the wheel of the 40 foot rig you put your beloved children aboard.
I watch you parents of these kids sniff and wipe your eyes as they board the first day of school. These precious little bundles of hope and delight! These little ones that hold our future in the palms of their chubby little hands. I know. I was a sniffer, too. Not anymore I'm not! No sirree!
I've seen too much!
These are my stories. These are your children! Hook your thumbs inside your lapels and proudly proclaim:
"They get it from their other parent's side of the family!"
(PS.. the names have been changed to protect the not-necessarily-innocent)
And so it begins:
I'm filling in on an AM elementary run. I'd rather take them to school, than take them home. Kids in the mornings are generally sleepy and quiet.
"Miss Candie I gotta PEEEEE!"
Joe is six. So are Jacob, Steven and Peter. Loud and squirmy with springs loaded on their backsides.
"Miss Candie I gotta PEE REALLY BAD!"
"Hang on Joe.. we only have four more stops 'till we're at school!"
It's really more like ten more stops.
He's hangin' on. Literally. He's gonna pinch the tip off if he
"I'm six!" says Steven.
"So am I!" says I.
"No you're not!" says Peter.
"Yes I am!!!!" says I
"No your not!" says Peter
"How old do you think I am?" says I
"51" says Peter.
"No she's either 28 or 38" says Joe.
"No she's 51" says Peter, and he stands up, "I can spell 'it'!"
"Peter!! Sit down!"
"That's cinchy" says Joe "I-T 'IT' !"
"Joe get your body out of the aisle!"
"So." says Peter, who now has a grumpy face but at least he's sitting.
"MISS CANDIE I GOTTA PEE!!! BAD!!" (pinch, stand, squirm, pinch, sit)
"Hang on Joe!" says I
Joe is hanging on, and suddenly he springs up out of his seat, twirls around and says:
"Who can spell 'Independence'?"
(independance independince independ.. crap.)
"OH! Looky Joe!! The school!!!!"