The Submissive Woman
She Is Such A SWEEEEET Person- She Causes No Trouble!
Women have made great strides in the past four decades. In the 21st century, there are more women working outside the home than ever. Many of them are in high powered and managerial careers. Women are owning their lives and are the masters of their individual fates. There is a loosening of what it means be a woman and feminine.
Women are also becoming more aggressive and assertive in their personal lives. They refuse to let others, particularly men, tell them how to live their lives. They believe that they are equal and/or sometimes superior to men in every way. They strongly assert their intelligence and being proudly and if men do not approve, %^$&$@! them. They are true to themselves and simply refuse to play antiquated and atavistic gender games just to assuage the male ego.
Then there are women who seem to be from an earlier era. They would be classified as submissive women. They steadfastly adhere to more traditional gender roles. They believe that because they are women, they are somewhat lesser than them. They portend that the female is subordinate to the male. They further assert that women and men are not equal.
These women also subscribe to the notion that a quintessentially feminine woman who one who places the man's needs before her own. They maintain that a true woman never outshines a man in any way. They fervently decry the modern woman who they believe is becoming more masculine leading to the destruction of the family and subsequently, society.
These women contend that the modern woman is not happy because she veered from the traditional feminine role. They maintain that women innately are more submissive and yielding. They further purport that women do not wish to be powerful but instead be accepting and acquiescent.
These women add that if women wish to exercise power, it should be covert power, not overt power. They maintain that men are rightfully threatened when women usurp men's gender roles and take them as their own. They assert that the true feminine woman is never interested in power but would rather be the power behind the throne. They staunchly insist that women should follow and submit unquestioningly to male authority.
Why are these women submissive? Well, they were often raised in very conservative and traditional homes. Some of them came from extremely religious homes while others came from homes which were very authoritarian. In such homes, women were relegated into strict dichotomized gender roles.
Furthermore, in such homes, men were the dominant ones while women were the more passive individuals. The rules in such homes were often exceeding strict. Children, especially girls, were expected to obey authority without question. Extreme obedience was de rigueur in that type of home environment. Any deviation from the house rules was often severely punished.
Girls raised in such homes was expected to be the nice girl. She was told to sublimate her own needs and desires and put others, especially males, first. She was further inundated that women were to be as unobtrusive as possible. The message conveyed in such homes was that nice girls, if necessary, should never assert themselves. They are further instructed that men are their superiors who make the ultimate decision in their lives.
Girls in such homes are taught that they do not have power. They are furthermore taught that they are insignificant in themselves. They are also taught that they did own their lives and what they do and say is quite invalid. They are told that they must always submit to authority, especially male authority, because "those authorities" know the best.
Girls in such homes are taught that the life of a woman is quite difficult and circumscribed. They are also given less freedoms than their brothers, especially when it comes to dating and other explorations. They are told that the main duty of a woman is to be a wife and mother and everything else is quite secondary. It is further inculcated in these girls that the husband is the head of the house and they are just the silent partner in the relationship.
Women who grew up in such traditional homes ultimately learn that they as women do not matter and have no voice. They further portend that they are total nonentities with no voice in their lives. They have little or no sense of self-worth often giving more credence to those who they deem "more authoritative" than they do themselves.
In the work world, these women, even though they may be good workers, do not advance into major decision making jobs. They are quite content being in subordinate positions even though they are capable of much more. They usually help their superiors only to have these superiors either taking credit for their work and/or ultimately taking advantage of their supposed kindness.
These women believe that they are not supposed to assert themselves and voice their needs in the work place because it is not feminine and/or nice to do so. Because of their demeanor, they are routinely taken advantage of by superiors and employees alike. They are often passed over for promotions because bosses deem them to be quite incapable of being leaders. Even though they are supremely competent, they remain in lower positions, never exercising their enormous human potential.
Since these women are taught to be extremely self-abnegating, they do not talk about their accomplishments at work. They were inundated to believe that being boastful is not befitting a woman. As a result of this total unobtrusiveness, they are all but ignored at work until an undesirable and/or unglamorous assignment which no one else wants to do comes up. This woman is often the dumped upon, unappreciated, and overused employee.
Regarding relationships, the submissive woman often attracts men who either dominate., manipulate, and/or abuse them. Men who are mature, self-assured, and intelligent are not drawn to submissive women. They desire women who are highly assertive, intelligent, and quite confident. They also want women who are on an equal parity with them. In essence, they want women they can talk to, not talk at so to speak.
Men who are attracted to submissive women tend to be those who believe in more traditional male roles. These men maintained that they have total hegemony because of their gender. They further believe that the only good woman is unobtrusive one. They contend that women are not and never will be equal to men. They want a woman who they can easily control, bending them to their will.
Such men are inwardly insecure in that they prefer a more obedient and subservient woman than one who is more independent and assertive. The latter type of women threatens this man because he is a weak man himself. If he elects to enter a relationship with the more assertive woman, he will be quite overwhelmed by her. If not, this woman would completely demolish him and tell him where to go and to stick it! So he prefers a more diffident woman whom he is more dominant with.
In relationships, the submissive woman sublimate her wants and desires to be the person her husband and/or significant other wants her to be. She also often the silent partner in the relationship. She has as little input as possible in the relationship with her husband and/or significant other making the final and/or ultimate decision. Even though she thinks that the decision is wrong and/or illogical, she goes along with the decision because she believe that it is her duty to so and to never dispute him.
This is the woman who is most likely to be abused physically, verbally, and emotionally. If she is abused, she feels that she has done something either advertently or inadvertently to cause the abuse. She was so conditioned from childhood that women should be passive in their relationships that she does not stand up for herself and assert her rights. This action is totally anathema to her. She prefers to take the abuse as being the duty of a woman, suffering in silence. Even though she is submitting to her husband and/or significant other in order for him to respect her, he actually does not because she is "easily conquered" so to speak. The relationship between the submissive woman and her husband/significant other is one of a quite unequal paring and one of unmitigated power on the latter 's part. Sadly, this woman indoctrinates her daughter with the same passive ideology thus continuing the pathological cycle of a new generation of submissive, self-abnegating women.
In summation, although women have made great strides regarding the loosening and freeing of strict gender dichotomies, there are woman are more traditional regarding their gender roles. These women believe that they are not equal to men but should be subordinate to them. There are reasons for this. They were raised in very conservative and more traditional homes where girls and women were inundated to be as unobtrusive as possible. They were often raised to be unquestioningly obedient to authority, particularly male authority.
Because of this rearing, such women are often taken advantaged of by people as they are nonassertive. They are also more likely to be abused by their husbands and/or significant others because of their acquiescent nature. Women who are raised to be submissive are only giving their power away. In return for giving away their power, such women are owned by others instead of owning themselves!
© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams
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