The Top 11 Things I Learned From Looney Tunes as a Kid
Looney Tunes is Funny--You Are Not.
- Anthropomorphic skunks are more likely to stalk and possibly rape you if they have a french accent.
- Names such as Foghorn Leghorn will never be understood--mainly because it's an inside joke with the looney tunes creators.
- Taz was taught ten languages at once throughout his youth. He was not successful at any of the languages he was taught. He was most likely brought up by a pack of wolves who spoke tagalog.
- Roadrunners are faster than anything you can possibly comprehend--so don't even try. They will never be caught, and the only animals that don't know this are hopeless, hungry coyotes who spend their entire marginal existences in the desert.
- Porky Pig was apparently beaten senseless many times during his childhood--which explains his outrageously annoying stutter.
- Yosemite Sam is not your friend, and will never find happiness. He has never found gold, and thus is still waiting for another gold rush to occur in the wild west.
- Speedy Gonzales is mired in controversy, yet that is the only thing that makes him ironic and thus funny. His existence alone developed border crossing jokes in the United States.
- Daffy Duck will always be the second banana to Bugs Bunny. He was designed to be a hopeless, overly ambitious loser when compared to Bugs.
- Bugs Bunny developed the comedic concept of one-liners all by himself. He put the city of Albuquerque on the map; no one has taken this New Mexican city seriously since then.
- Elmer Fud is the least successful hunter known to man. He will never find a hat that fits his outrageously large dome.
- Marvin the Martian cannot be taken seriously as a Martian invader--since he has failed to make man skirts fashionable. He is the butt of every joke in Mars' military hierarchy.
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