Tough Questions to Answer
I used to walk through life thinking that it is black and white. But along the way, I realized there are a lot of gray areas in between. And the most wonderful realization was that we have been given a paint brush, palette and array of colors. Now it is up to us to mix and match and choose what images we want to create.
This request "Tough Questions To Answer" therefore drew my attention. The discovery of the greys and the colors happened because I asked a lot. I reflected a lot. I am a person who likes to ask "why" a lot of times. (I sound like a 4 year old kid...haha maybe deep down I still am or we all are.) And I know that there is also beauty in asking. It is a reflection that one is seeking for something, that one is desiring to understand certain things and more importantly that one is not just going through the motions of life in a state of unawareness.
On Living and Dying
On living, "What am I here for? What is the meaning and purpose of my life?" For some, they have already found their meaning and purpose. But for others, this question is still a tough one to answer. And when one doesn't know where one is going, we end up walking through life confused, restless and uncertain.
I know a couple of people whose mom or dad has cancer (stage 4) at this point in their lives. These people are close to my heart. It was very tough to ask questions. But I did ask because it needed to be asked and dealt with. "What do you want to happen now? Where do you think this will all lead to?" and to the other one, "Are you angry at your mom because she is not taking care of herself?" It becomes a tough question because of the uncertainty and the what if's. And death is an issue we sometimes do not like to deal with. And when we have to face it, it can be 'painful.'
When my Grandma was still alive, I asked her what was her 70th birthday wish. She said simply, "I hope to be able to celebrate our diamond anniversary." My grandparents had already celebrated their golden anniversary and diamond anniversary could be celebrated ten years after that. But I asked, "What will happen if you don't get your wish?" That was a tough question. I bit my lip after I said it. I would probably have been reprimanded by an adult if they had heard me for what seemed like a tactless question. Because in effect I was actually asking "What if you die and don't get the chance anymore?"
Ahhh, love. There are endless questions about love since the beginning of time. A battered, confused, lonely wife asks herself a tough question, "Will I forgive my husband? Do I have the courage to leave him? What will I do without him?" She stays, hoping he changes. She stays away from people, real friends, who would truthfully tell her that he doesn't love her. Or at least, he doesn't know what love really is. Who will she listen to? More importantly, she must ask herself the toughest question of all. "Does she love herself enough to know that she is worthy of love, that she is worthy to be respected and treated well?"
How one defines love and recognizes love and has experienced love would have a great and major impact on how one shows and expresses love. If we really want the truth, would we be willing to lay down our masks for a little while. Take a good look at the state of our hearts and ask the tough question. "Am I loving myself and others in the best way possible? Is my love giving a positive effect or am I hurting the people close to my heart? If I am, am I willing to change and be more positive?"
A wife watches her husband being killed right in front of her eyes. Her 5- year- old son silently cries as the coffin closes before they bury his father. I've watched that scene in the movies. But it was much more heartbreaking when the wife is my cousin and the litte boy is someone I know, who suddenly had to grow up too soon. People have asked the wife a tough question, "Will you be able to forgive the murderer?" And the question is for her to answer alone. I can't be able to answer it for her. Nor can you. I could only bow my head in grief and held her hand while she grieved.
Thousands of stories are shared about betrayal between friends or couples. Trust lost. Friendship taken apart. Families separated. Hurt pours out like hot lava from a mountain top of anger and resentment. Head pounds in agony and the valleys echo with the toughest questions, "Why?!!! How could you do this to me??!! Why did you do it?!! It would have been easier if it were somebody else?! But why you?!?"
And the mountains are silent. And you just hear your voice..the wailing doesn't stop. "Will you be willing to forgive and forget?"
The Beauty in the Questions
I know there are still many questions that surround our lives. As long as we are alive, we will have many questions along the way. There is beauty in the questions because man innately has the gift of curiosity. In asking, the opportunity exists for us to seek for that which is greater and that which helps us become who God has destined for us to be.
Some of these tough questions have been asked maybe by one of you at one time or the other. Or maybe questions related to this questions. I guess what makes it tough is because one is afraid of the answers. It is tough because one is uncertain of the answers. It is tough because sometimes the answers are painful. And oh sometimes it is tough because you need to go out of your "comfort zone" to think and act differently.
But it is worth it. I know because I watched these people went through their grief and moved on. They decided to react in a positive way and looked at things differently. I've watched them grow to be better persons with all the experiences they had to go through. I listened to what my grandma had to say. She had responded to me by saying, "It's okay. If it is time for me to go home, I accept that." I asked, "You will not get mad at God?" She smiled at me. "No, he has been a Kind God. I will accept whatever will be."
I could never forget those words. A few months later, she passed away. And she never got her wish. But I'm not sad because I knew she was okay with it. And I was able to assure her sons and daughters because I knew she was truly okay.
It did pay off to have asked.
Anyhow, i realized that one may not have all the answers to life. But in whatever questions you have, you can choose the answer that leads you to the path of joy and peace. I know it by heart because I too have walked that path. And I have found my peace.
Team Hoyt - Dick and Rick Hoyt : The real story of an inspirational love between a father and a son.
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