Why are Adult Virgins Considered to be Backwards in Modern Society
In This Postmodern Sexualized Culture, Adult Virgins are Considered to be Backwards
An adult virgin is defined as a virgin who is in her/his 20s and older. When people think of adult virgins today, there is a stereotype of a plain, spinsterish, often devoutly traditionally religious female who dresses sternly and has a dour outlook on life. If the person is male, he is seen as either a mama's boy, repressed loner, or an oddly dressed geek.
Many people see the adult virgin as sexually immature and with psychosexual issues. There are even articles which suggest that the adult virgin needs sexual counselling, sexual surrogates, and even a trip to an escort service to "loosen their sexual inhibitions". It is the societal view that adult virgins are not "normal".
Well the abovementioned is often far from the truth. Although there are a few adult virgins who are sexually repressed, the majority are not. Many adult virgins are attractive people deliriously happy with their situation and lead active dating lives.
Only a few adult virgins, by their own admission, stated that they needed outside help in the sexual arena to cure their inhibitions. Being an adult virgin is a normal lifestyle choice. It seems to be an unwritten rule in society that being an adult means to be sexually active. If an adult is not sexually active, she/he is to be pitied and ostracized.
Many adult virgins have friends who believe that something is seriously with them because they elected not to have sexual affairs and/or relationships. People often look in bewilderment when a person reveals that they are an adult virgin. It is often voiced that by the time a person is in their late teens, virginity should be a thing of the past and that sexual relationships should be a part of life.
Although plenty of people have sexual affairs and/or relationships beginning in their late teens, some people prefer to wait until they are ready to engage in sexual affairs and/or relationships. There are many reasons why people are adult virgins. The reasons vary from adhering to traditional religious morals regarding waiting until marriage to indulge in sexual relations, to viewing sex as a gift to be shared with only a few special lovers to ultimately plainly not wanting to have sex at that particular moment.
With the average person indulging in sexual relationships, an adult virgin is suddenly viewed as an aberration. The reasoning is that the adult virgin has to have sexual relations to be seen as a complete woman/man and to be normal. I read a book regarding what men think about female sexuality and one man stated that adult female virgins were sexually at a child's level and were not adults.
This man further stated that he would never date an adult female virgin. Some men are turned off by the adult female virgin who they believe "have relationship and sexual issues". Not so long ago in an Anne Lander's column, an adult virgin female lamented that she hardly went out on dates because she revealed her virgin status and men were put off by that. Adult female virgins are often not seen as desirable in modern society but seen as old prudish maidens.
Adult male virgins have a more difficult time being accepted than adult female virgins To be a man means to have a myriad of sexual relationships. If a male reveals to his friends that he is an adult virgin, he is seen as being effeminate, a little boy, or a sexually repressed ogre. Some women often deride an adult male virgin, believing that something has to be seriously wrong with him.
Think of the movie, THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, in which the main character is derided because he is a virgin over the "normally accepted" age range. Adult male virgins are often seen as "losers" in modern society. Sometimes magazine articles suggested that he "should get laid" to "get rid of his predicament". Adult male virgins are sometimes called the pejorative word for homosexual because he chooses not to be sexually active.
Sex is one of an important aspect of life. However, it is not the being all or end all in life. There are lots of fulfilling activities to do in life. To reiterate, adult virgins of both sexes lead fulfilling and active social lives. They are not to be derided but to be respected in their lifestyle choice.
© 2010 Grace Marguerite Williams
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