I will fly

Mini-Revelation

I just finished reading several posts from a Hub Pages forum. The question was, "Who is the best hubber?" Of course many of the infamous hubbers that I've seen a million times, commenting and chatting with each other in numerous hubs, were the quickest to answer.

Now, I realize that I am being over-sensitive here, because that is my personal trademark. Since none of you know the real me, I'm telling you, I'm extremely over-sensitive! My stomach turns into knots and I feel the ball of stress coming up my throat, wanting to lurch out at the computer as I speak right now.So bare this in mind when reading.

As I read through the long, well thought-out lists of "The best hubbers", I felt that ball of acid. That little ball of acid is comprised of self hate and pity. It burns with deep seeded anger and envy. It sits in the back of my throat while my mind reminds me over and over, that I am not as good as I'd hoped I was.

Writing has been one of my only passions, my only true emotion release, my only friend, my entire life. Reading all of these hubbers names and not seeing mine, was a crush to the ego, definitely.

I asked myself, "will I ever be interesting enough?". Maybe not, I can't be sure. But it's a sort of death for me in a way. I've longed to be one of the best, at something, for almost 33 years. I would've loved to see my name on one of those lists. But I know that I simply lack interesting, educational, and life changing moments of life to share. I haven't done anything interesting. Very few things make me happy, and I am not upper-echelan when it comes to education and being sophisticated. Therefore, the elite of the world will never be interested in what I have to say.

But throughout these last few moments, I've realized that I cannot worry about what these hubbers think of me. I have to be strong and stay on the right path, which is happily the path that I'm on. I'm at a point in my life where I am growing intellectually and emotionally and I know that I will create a new me, by first getting myself back.

So, you may not be interested in what I have to say as of now. That's fine. But I am in the coccoon of life today.

I will fly.

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Comments 11 comments

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

Thanks for this hub. Well done


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Yes, it is.  Keeps the squirrels from running around in our heads :)

Hugs back at ya!


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

trish--you're so right sweetie. Keep writing. it's the only thing that can keep us afloat sometimes:) Hugs


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

trish--you're so right sweetie. Keep writing. it's the only thing that can keep us afloat sometimes:) Hugs


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Hi Jamie,

I enjoy your writing style very much.  You, like me, write from the heart.  I've never considered myself a writer, just someone who likes to write.  I find I can express myself better in the written, or, typewritten word.  Probably because it give me the luxury of seeing what I said, and I can edit and organize my thoughts into some kind of cohesive experience/story.

Keep writing no matter what anyone thinks.  It feels good and it does help :)


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Ben-I don't know if "interesting" is the word for it, but of course we all have a story to tell. Every human being has a story to tell. I just hope that someday I can tell a story that will prove to all the nay-sayers in my life, that I have a talent and I was not wrong to be confident in that:)

Thank you Benji. I know I'm a tad "interesting", I just don't want the word 'interesting' to mask reality. Is my actual writing interesting, or is it only the story? That is the question...lol


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

You're definitely interesting enough. That's why we keep coming back to read your hubs :) I'll have to go check out that forum post. It'll be fun to see what other people have said.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Lgali--Thanks again. Always nice to"see" you:)

Toad--Thank you very much. I hear exactly what you're saying. The only problem is that I've been in a mentally abusive relationship for 12 1/2 years and I don't know If I really KNOW myself. I appreciate the words of wisdom.

Christine--You're absolutely right! And thanks for the compliment on the baby.


christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz 7 years ago from colorado springs

Great hub. You are a successful writer when you complete an article that you are happy with. I'm not so much concerned with what other hubbers think. I write because it's my passion and it's a great feeling when I can tell my family and friends where to find my articles online. I'm not a famous writer yet but I'm successful as far as my friends and family think. Keep writing for yourself and less for other hubbers. Sometimes it can turn out to be more of a popularity contest than a writers forum. I don't pay much attention to all that (how many fans people have, hub scores, ect). I read hubs for their content and if their subject is interesting to me. Keep on writing:)

Beautiful baby btw:)


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

JamieD- If you stay true to yourself and what you like to do is all that matters, spill your guts, release your pains, your pleasures, your angers, your laughs, I know I will always be reading you. Lgali said it well as I tend not to think of what others like or hate, I know I have plenty of people who give me the cold shoulder around here but I'm cool with that, and there have been plenty of times where I wrote a hub and didn't leave a comment box because its about what the writer feels and not the reader.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

MissJamieD-good take

I've realized that I cannot worry about what these hubbers think of me. I have to be strong and stay on the right path, which is happily the path that I'm on. I'm at a point in my life where I am growing intellectually and emotionally and I know that I will create a new me, by first getting myself back.

nice hub again

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