I will fly
I just finished reading several posts from a Hub Pages forum. The question was, "Who is the best hubber?" Of course many of the infamous hubbers that I've seen a million times, commenting and chatting with each other in numerous hubs, were the quickest to answer.
Now, I realize that I am being over-sensitive here, because that is my personal trademark. Since none of you know the real me, I'm telling you, I'm extremely over-sensitive! My stomach turns into knots and I feel the ball of stress coming up my throat, wanting to lurch out at the computer as I speak right now.So bare this in mind when reading.
As I read through the long, well thought-out lists of "The best hubbers", I felt that ball of acid. That little ball of acid is comprised of self hate and pity. It burns with deep seeded anger and envy. It sits in the back of my throat while my mind reminds me over and over, that I am not as good as I'd hoped I was.
Writing has been one of my only passions, my only true emotion release, my only friend, my entire life. Reading all of these hubbers names and not seeing mine, was a crush to the ego, definitely.
I asked myself, "will I ever be interesting enough?". Maybe not, I can't be sure. But it's a sort of death for me in a way. I've longed to be one of the best, at something, for almost 33 years. I would've loved to see my name on one of those lists. But I know that I simply lack interesting, educational, and life changing moments of life to share. I haven't done anything interesting. Very few things make me happy, and I am not upper-echelan when it comes to education and being sophisticated. Therefore, the elite of the world will never be interested in what I have to say.
But throughout these last few moments, I've realized that I cannot worry about what these hubbers think of me. I have to be strong and stay on the right path, which is happily the path that I'm on. I'm at a point in my life where I am growing intellectually and emotionally and I know that I will create a new me, by first getting myself back.
So, you may not be interested in what I have to say as of now. That's fine. But I am in the coccoon of life today.
I will fly.
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