CASE IN POINT!
According to Huffington Post Crime report dated November 21, 2012, Tyasia Jackson, a 13 year old Atlanta teen, stabbed her 2 year old sister, Sasha Lamaya Ray, seven times, killing her. Reports stated that Tyasia was assigned the care of 4 younger siblings, including the 2 year old while the parents were out. Reports stated that Tyasia snapped, stabbing the toddler several times which eventually resulted in the latter's death. Tyasia was subsequently arrested and will be tried as an adult.
Yes, the crime is totally egregious and inexcusable. However, a 13 year old is not often emotionally, psychologically, and/or mentally equipped to care for younger siblings. The parents should have had a capable adult look after the children. Perhaps Tyasia subconsciously resented always being on call 24/7/365 for her 4 younger siblings.
Many oldest children are compelled to be on call 24/7/365. In other words, oldest children are often the family's unpaid servants, au pairs, and caretakers. According to many health care experts, many oldest children cannot functioin well under such intense pressure. They also resent the responsibility thrust upon them. Their childhood and adolescence are usurped and they become old before their time.
Many health care experts maintain that older siblings are still children and they cannot impart life lessons the way parents do. Oldest children are often misused and taken advantage of because since they are the oldest, they are EXPECTED to assume caretaking roles and duties. When oldest children are assigned to raise and/or care for the younger siblings, the younger siblings often consider the oldest child the parent and the former lose connection with the parent.
Tyasia was probably given so much responsibility that she could not handle it anymore and she snapped under the pressure. Many oldest children are parentified children, often being in loco parentis in locos or surrogate parents. This is not so much in small families but in medium large to very large families. Case in point, the oldest Duggar daughters, who raise the younger Dugger children. Tyasia probably had the primary duties of raising her younger siblings and the pressure was just too much.
My heart broke when I read the article in question. I believe that children raising other children is downright abusive and robs oldest children of a normal childhood and adolescence. They thus learn to resent and hate their parents and younger siblings. My motto: parents should have the amount of children that THEY can EFFECTIVElLY raise, NOT DELEGATE CHILDREARING to THE OLDEST/OLDER CHILD.
I personally know many oldest children who resented the responsibility, telling me how their childhood and adolescence was robbed. My mother, the oldest of 10, resented always having to being the bulwark for her younger siblings, even in adulthood. My aunt, the 3rd of 10, asserted that she was used as the family mascot, always raising the younger siblings until she left home as a teen. A co-worker, the oldest of 3, remarked to me that she had no childhood and adolescence because she had to be the family caretaker.
Yes, the life of the oldest child is not exactly a happy one! I feel sad for the oldest child-they have SUCH A HARD LIFE! They are bound, hook, line, and sinker! The case of Tyasia Jackson exemplifies what it is like to be the oldest child in the family- with quite horrific results!
I want the opinions of oldest children in HubLand regarding this and the Tyasia Jackson case!
Being under pressure is no excuse for murder. There are a number of ways she could have handled a screaming toddler without killing or seriously injuring him. Some of those methods might be considered mildly abusive, but at least none would have resulted in death or lasting harm.
One of the benefits of a large family is built-in babysitters.
But if a child is not mature enough to handle responsibility or has resentment over not being able to go out with friends, that's a disaster waiting to happen.
Mighty Mom, the last statement is so true. Oldest children in medium large to very large families are often unwillingly cosigned to be unpaid au pairs to their youngest siblings. Many of them resent it beause it interferes with their studies, childhood, and adolescence.
They are not allowed to participate in normal childhood and adolescent activities because they constantly have to be on 24/7/365 for their younger siblings. They usually raise the younger siblings.
Tyasia Jackson was case in point-she probably had to constantly watch 4 younger siblings at 13- it was simply too much for her and she went berserk. It is a disaster, waiting to happen! Not only Tyasia and the Dugger girls but the average oldest child in medium large to very large families have no individual lives of their own-HOW SAD INDEED!
I am the oldest child amongst 3, the gap difference between my siblings and I is 6 and 5 years respectively. So I was always the grown up and was often told that whatever I do my siblings will mimic it. As a child I found it annoying that I had unwillingly not only had my parents attention divided from me but also suddenly I was this role model where my behaviour was to influence them.
As the first child my parents were also a bit too protective so I can't say I have had the liberty that my younger siblings seemed to have. The constant sentences "They are younger than you; you should forgive them. You are older; you should behave better..." so on and so forth made me feel that now there was a whole new dimension of expectations that I was to fulfil when it came to what my parents expected of me.
As a child when we were having money trouble; if I ever made a request for something I was told, "Of course we would buy it for you but you know we should buy two more because we wouldn't want to make your younger siblings felt unloved... If only this 'toy' wasn't so expensive" <- That statement would trigger a guilt nerve in my childlike mind and I would refuse from wanting the toy. Hence I was also acutely always aware of the financial situation from childhood and I never demanded for anything. Most of my statements would be "Umm you know if someday we pass from there could we get that if it is available?", over time this habit stayed and I still do not demand anything even though now we are healthy in financial terms.
As a young teen; my siblings were tagged to me in every party I went so it turned into a babysitting scenario rather than me having fun; also a part of me felt like I had 'spies' sent by my behaviour who is their innocence would always go home and report each word and action I had performed.
Today at 24; my weekends pass away being the designated driver for my siblings to whichever place they wish to go to. So all in all; with time I apparently became a third 'available' parent.
From a parent's perspective I assume they think that since they invested so much time, patience and 'their young years' on me so anything I do in return is hardly payback.
I do not regret being the oldest because I guess all this made me sensible before my years but there are days when I wish I could be just a little more free and a little more careless.
Oldest children have the least individualized childhoods. They cannot be fully themselves-they are parameter setters. They are somewhat enslaved to their parents and younger siblings. They must constantly be on their BEST behavior as ALL EYES, PARTICULARLY YOUNGER EYES, are constantly watching them. It must be quite a headache being the oldest child in a family. They hardly have individiualized self time and no privacy.
Oldest children have the most abbreviated and least carefree childhoods. The role of the oldest child is clearly delineated and stringent to say the least. There is such an unequality in multichild families-the oldest child have resonsibilities the earliest while the youngest child have no responsibilities whatsoever. The oldest child is often treated the most differentially and often viewed as quite disposable, especially if he/she becomes older and younger ones are born.
Oldest children receive THE LEAST PARENTAL ATTENTION as parents believe that THEY DO NOT NEED AFFECTION AND LOVE. Besides being the family au pair, they suffer benign parental neglect. Parents oftentimes have little or no need to give their oldest children the individualized attention, especially in medium large to very large families. The only oldest children who receive the prerequisite individualized attention are those from small to medium sized families. In many families, the oldest child is viewed as a commodity.
They are overused, taken advantage of, and unappreciated by both parents and younger siblings alike. Many oldest children cannot wait to leave the parental home as soon as they are able to do so. That is the ONLY WAY they can have their individual lives, peace of mind, peace/quiet, and general contentment!
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