I am writing an article and need some input on this: What do you make/think of a woman who lured a 19 yr old by pretending she is of the same age and befriended the teen (though already legal age) who eventually fell into her prey? Isn't this a red flag and also considering the fact that she also faked her online picture by using her own daughter's picture? The woman was actually found to be 20 yrs older than what she pretended to be.
Personally I don't think that makes her a sociopath. I think it just makes her a bad person. Not all who do bad have mental issues and not all who have mental issues do bad.
Thank you peeples. I appreciate your feedback and yes, maybe we cannot categorized her as a sociopath (yet) until more of her deceptive behavior is revealed. However, I would say, she is definitely a con artist with some hidden agenda for doing that, would you agree (or not)?
Actually this is a "cougar woman." Not much different than the playboy who seduces younger women. It's suipposed to be the big thing now for older women to date younger men--especially now that so many women have the bigger paychecks.
So, in saying this is socially acceptable behavior, I have to say that I do not find it any more perverse than men dating younger women. By the way, that works out great when the people involved discuss everything and have complete honesty. That is to say the marriages last.
I sort of agree with what's been said here. I think it makes her a sociopath. The perverse liking she has for young boys is an issue that needs addressing for her.
midget (michelle), thank you for participating. Now, that we are quite delving into the subject, I'd like to add that the woman actually also used a fictitious name on line and this was found out after the 19 yr old had already fallen for her. More discovery also includes, faking her own death and then left the city to meet up with the teen and eventually lived-in together against the teens parents, of course. Keep in mind the "victim" was already 19, stubborn and of legal age at that time.
I actually did a hub on sociopathic behavior, check it out.
In an effort to help you somewhat, for the purpose of your article, I don't mind offering some thoughts. I do, however, have a bit of discomfort,in feeling I may be "judging" this woman, which I actually feel I have no right to do.
I will say this much. Deceiving another person, for whatever purpose, is a less-than decent thing to do. Prefacing anything with a lie, never results in a very positive scenario.
However, in the interest of fairness, I sensed your question was somewhat loaded. Your use of the word, "lure," as well as referring to the young man as "falling PREY to," clearly indicates, you see the woman as an evil seductress and the young man as naive & completely innocent.
This view may not necessarily be accurate, even though it might seem to most, that it is likely.
Because your question is specific, as you ask your readers what we "think" of a woman who would......
With no other information whatsoever, I'm basically "thinking" with my senses, as opposed to fact and evidence.
I "think" it is very possible that this woman is....lonely, desperate, hurting and fairly emotionally immature. She is obviously dishonest and has no problem with using lies to get to where she's going.
I would add that she has placed her own daughter in a difficult position, which I find inexcusable. However, none of this, are exactly symptomatic of a sociopathic disorder.
Other than this, I can't say much more about my opinion of this stranger to me.
Just as a side note, you might want to consider that this 19 year old man, has his own free will, the ability to make choices and decisions and apparently has not been dissuaded by being mislead.
I hope my thoughts have been helpful to you in the creation of your article.
fpherj48 - thank you for your valuable input. I should have put some more details on my initial thread (refer to my recent reply address to midget38) and if you may, please let me know your thoughts about it: Faking death and using fictitious name, which was only discovered recently while the two were already living in together. It was also found out that she abandoned her own family (husband and 4 children) to apparently start a new life far away from where she came from.
Needless to say, this sheds an entirely brighter, clearer light on this subject. Faking her death, abandoning her own family ( husband and 4 children), in addition to what you have shared previously, changes much. Now, it seems you are closer to the behavior of either a sociopath or a woman with active symptoms of a mental illness, in particular, "borderline personality disorder."
However, unless the young man sees all of this as a dangerous situation and is willing to accept the reality of this woman's possible mental issues, it will be difficult to encourage him to back away from it all.
I can understand why there is concern for him and as a parent, I relate to the disgust of his family.
Basically, if he has been "taken" by this conniving woman and is too stubborn or blinded to come to terms with reality, there's little anyone can do. The best that can be hoped for is that she does something which causes her to be reported to law enforcement and possibly get herself arrested. At that point, a background check of this woman may bring everything to the big picture behind her scamming. Faking one's death, if proven she has done this, is a crime. This could be a blessing in disguise for the young man. In the meantime, those who love him should be there for him, in the event he needs immediate help.
I think I'd have to be in agreement with Paula and some of the rest, labeling her would be too judgmental. I should not have done it in this case. The behavior, definitely is disturbing and should not be condoned though.
And can we ever tell what's behind the mysterious mask of that particular predator?
Do you know this person? How did you come to know the details you offer?
Hello Beth! If you remember, I've commented in one of your hubs and told you I'm going to share it? I've passed that hub to the family who's now involved in the issue I raised here, in the hope that they may be enlightened. The family is way disgusted but since 19 is considered legal age, they actually do not know what to do and lack of financial resources hinders them to find out more about the woman. The woman's web of lies just doesn't match any more and so I am as well very curious to find out.
It's weird how millions of men would lie cheat and steal to do sleep with a 19 year old girl every day, and no one thinks it's even slightly abnormal.
We can't 'diagnose' some random person based on your thumbnail sketch of your tak on their alleged behavior. If they did something sketchy, I suggest informing the police.
psycheskinner, thank you for participating. What do we tell the police? The web of lies coming from the woman? Police will only entertain your report if there's something concrete that a crime was committed. In this case, there's no proof of crime in the city where she is currently living. She faked her death in New Mexico, came to Canada as a different person with a different name. The parents of the 19 yr old already have consulted the police about the matter in their attempt to separate the two but to no avail since 19 is considered legal and that living in with the woman was free willing. Very complicated, indeed.
The police are generally very interested in discussing things that may not amount to a crime if there is an untoward element like grooming a barely legal teen.
But if they are just having a consensual affair which is now public knowledge, that is between them and their families.
I am not sure how posting a hub about it is going to help anyone. People get to make their own choices, good bad or otherwise.
psycheskinner, thank you for your feedback. I understand people get to make their own choices, good, bad or otherwise. But here's the thing, the two can't go public about their relationship and since the woman's identity is not credible, the parents are concerned that there's something serious about the woman, considering the age gap and the fact that she's faked her own death and then moved miles away from she came from with a different identity. Wouldn't that signal something suspicious? As well, the article (or the story) that I'm working on is to hopefully enlighten not just the people involved in this actual story but also other readers that this is happening and could actually happen to them specially those who are not aware of the sociopaths' behaviour and how to differentiate it from other mental illness.
She may also be fleeing a domestic violence situation, or possibly even be in a witness protection program- there could be all kinds of reasons.
I was going to mention that too... There are many women who have to flee their homes-often leaving their children-to escape domestic violence. They are given new social security numbers and new legal names. If this is the case and she writes the hub she is so intent on writing then there is a possibility that it could get her beaten or killed.
MelissaBarrett: If that, indeed is the case, why does she have to lie to the 19 yr old at the time of chatting on line about her age and only told about it recently after the marriage when the young man was already suspecting something? What about her leaving her 4 children and not at all inform the young man about it? It was found out because the young man traced her computer usage without her knowing. BTW, she abandoned her 4 children and did not communicate for 3 yrs. That was when the young man was becoming suspicious of her acts.
Well... assuming the hypothetical situation of an abused woman...
Because some women recovering from abuse do weird things.
But since you've already diagnosed her as a sociopath You apparently have enough psychological training to make that type of diagnosis then you should know that.
Some women abandon their children to leave their abuser.
Some women are emotional stunted after living in an abusive situation for many years.
I personally dated a college student when I was escaping my abusive marriage. He was many years my junior but- coincidentally- the same age I was when I began being abused.
Some abused women lie instead of telling the story of their abuse. If you combine that with emotional immaturity then you get some good ones.
But I really do believe you have some sort of personal stake in this so you are going to take the sociopath thing all the way... regardless. I'm not reading partiality and objectiveness here... at all. It would be interesting to see if you could pull it off in a hub.
There are specific criteria for diagnosing 'sociopathic' behavior (it's actually called 'antisocial personality disorder,' which I personally feels sanitizes it too much). One of the hallmarks of the disorder, though, is a complete lack of remorse and no conscience. She is dishonest, for sure, and predatory, it appears. but there's not enough information to determine the part about sociopathy.
I teach two university courses that include information on sociopathic behaviors, and it's a complicated disorder.
Marcy, so this is the woman's story: She was the same age as the 19 yr old at the time they met on line. Used her daughter's picture as her profile. Her parents were both dead. There's a brother but she's not aware of his whereabout. When it was time for them to meet up, she created a story that she's been in a car accident and had to undergo major face surgery and so when they met up, her face is not the same as what was put on her on line profile. Then she also claimed to be HIV positive and later on took it back by saying, it was found out to be false. She also claimed that she was raped by her brother's best friend and got pregnant and when her parents found out, she was found a disgrace in the family and was thrown out of the house; had a miscarriage. Of course, none of these were true. I understand, a sociopath's behavior is very complicated although not every sociopath is a killer and if this is not a clear sign of a sociopath's behavior then what?
I'm one of those who think that there is always two sides to a story. What you write about this woman clearly doesn't give her a very good character.
Leaving her family, husband and four children. What was the reason for her doing such a thing?
Not only has she deceived the young man, but her children, let alone her husband. The question is "WHY."
She fell in love with her husband, got married, had four children, then threw it all away, again "Why."
As you have told us, there are many disturbing facts. A woman of around 40 years old falling for a young lad, that has found his brain is below his waist. All males are driven this way, until they become an adult (which takes time), and some never grow up.
I can think of a few famous stars/actresses that have had young men/boys 20 years younger, and the same with men having teenage partners, and being just a few years away from retirement.
What about the cases of teenagers falling in love with their teachers and vice-versa. It's not correct, but it happens.
Your thread is good with many interesting facts, and it would be nice to know the outcome with the two persons at the forefront of the subject "sociopathic."
Ghaelach, when the woman was confronted about her lies, she gave another sets of lies. She claimed that she was abused by her husband and that's why she left. It puzzled me though that if she was indeed abused, wouldn't she first run and seek help from her immediate family? Her father is still alive. It was also found out that she has a brother. BTW, prior to all this info when she was confronted earlier, she said she didn't have a family to return to in the US; claimed her parents were dead and that she doesn't have any idea where her brother was. Apparently, all these were lies.
I wonder: Why would the label be important? Unless you were prescribing medication the label is not helpful. Here she exhibits anti-social behavior which is harmful to herself and others. Her conduct is criminal. Her actions hurt society as a whole. There is no redeeming factor to her actions.
Does she have an illness that is causal of this behavior? I would bet it is 50/50 nature/nurture. The lying part indicates a full knowledge and awareness of the wrongfulness of her actions. So she is not going to be excused via a legal definition of insanity.
I think we are best to look at the concept of sociopath as leading to understanding and not as a conclusive label.
A Driveby Quipper: No, but is also suspicious of the woman now....after 3 years of living together. Now, here's frustration of the family of the 19 yrs old aside from their main safety and security concerns, the 19 yr old prior to the woman arriving in Canada from the US was at the university on a full scholarship (32K) when they met on line. Then, came the woman, the young man left his family to live in with the woman, quit the scholarship and now had to work full time, I guess in order to finance the rent as the woman can't get a job yet since she doesn't have legal papers to stay. Eventually, they got married. I supposed they have to do this in order for the woman to legally stay. My conclusion: The woman is using the young man to legalize her stay in Canada. Now, that they are married what else can the parents do?
She isn't a sociopath, but she has her own issues. One of her problems in the truth, and she is definitely working on something of a sexual nature. I once met someone that wouldn't send me a current picture. The old pictures were a very good looking thin person. The real person was very obese. It must also have something to do with self-esteem. maybe this person thinks that someone younger will be more forgiving to be grateful to learn something?
Whatever the reason, it sends up a red flag.
"she is definitely working on something". And they call me a Pollyanna! You "met" someone? And never met them? Yikes!
Ericdierker: Isn't that disgusting? Considering the young man was 19 at that time (legal age), what grounds can the parents of this young man put against this woman when the guy is completely blinded by his emotions and chose to stay with the woman many times? As a parent, I can just imagine the pain and the agony that this family is going through.
Fortunately there are tons of people do this, it more about loneliness, happiness, self worth, and getting attention to feel better about herself. Although some have many deep issues and wounds from childhood feeling they can manipulate others with deception and lies. Living a fairy tale story, fictional life. More of a dual reality. Doesn't maker bad or a sociopath, she just hasn't grown up, matured, or faced her issues. Which many people on the internet have not on dating sites, games, and social networks. They fail to take the responsibility of their choices in life, the outcome, and end harming themselves and others.
Sorry, thought you had said on internet. Well same offline as well. It's just wanting to be loved, validated, although taking the wrong alternatives and paths. Not sure there is much you can do when people reach the legal age, they are choosing to participate themselves, and have created the mess they're in regardless of the parents knew or not. Both parties involved are learning what they need to know in life, of course their are always consequences, harmfulness emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally that occur. There is not a whole lot you can do for others unless they choose to help themselves. The 19 year old maybe young, but certainly knows what they've gotten themselves into. I have a 17 year old that understands people are deceptive, lie, cheat, play psychological games already. There is no way to protect them, it is a different world today and what ever peoples motives are, they still make their choices. Their are restraining orders, but the 19 year old would have to get one themselves, besides stick to it. Fortunately the 19 year old could go along with parents and police but sneak out and still participate with the person. It's learning to make good choices and be wise. It doesn't matter how many lies she tells, the 19 year old is giving away there personal power and falling victim too it. Even if you sent both parties to the psychologist it depends on what they learn, how they process it, and whether they act on changing their behaviors. If the 19 year old really wants out, they will be disciplined enough not to fall victim to it anymore through actions and behaviors and not responding.
There is a difference between being a sociopath and being willing to lie to get what you want.
They are married now, time to let these people get one with their lives.
Well, you might need to be able to document and prove anything you post. It sounds like a libel suit waiting to happen.
psycheskinner: That's why I'm researching and gathering more info about it before I jump into the water. I know I have to be careful and it's not an overnight homework. As well, I'm not officially posting/publishing anything without further studying the whole story from all sides. I must admit that I am very curious to find out the truth about the woman and to help the people involved specially the parents who are hurting in the situation.
Be careful about it, though, Cristina. I agree with Psycheskinner, it might be sensitive.
Thanks Michelle. I know. This is a very sensitive matter and so I am indeed, very very careful. As I said, that's why I am researching and finding facts before I do (write) anything. As well as getting opinions from other people. Of course, the article (story) is not going to materialize/publish without concrete details. Again, thank you. I value your support and feedback.
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