How Do You Deal with Liars?

1. 60

   aoiffe379posted 14 years ago

   A friend got a ride with me and when she reached home,she discovered that her son[6 yrs] was 'sweet' with cologne, apparently belonging to his father.She asked him about the cologne,where he got it from,if it belonged to his father,why he sprayed himself with it; and the boy denied everything.When he tell lies,he is so sincere and looks so innocent.A teenager tells lies for fun;and he too is so sincere and credible until one discovers a hole in his story or behaviour.Even then he is in denial.An adult received a contract for the renovation of a house in January and said it would be completed by mid- June.At the rate he is going,only God knows the true completion date.In June he was so sure the job would be completed speedily;and it is almost October.How would you deal with these liars?One saying declares that liars are thieves and thieves are potential murderers.What do you say?

   replyreport
   1. 60

      ScarletRyan1970posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      The Adult in question needs to pull the bull by the horns and sack the building contractors.The Adult will have to spin them a good yarn,basically lie to them.No time for thieves.They are taking the micky.

      replyreport
   2. 59

      geethakasiramposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      All people speak lie at some typical situation.i would agree this type of lies.But some people always speak lie.I hate and aware of them.For eg,in college students speaks lot of lies but when we ask "why do u lie ?".They simply says that "just kidding yaar".Its not fair for them.Because one lie makes many lies.
      My question is "why do we want to tell lie?". When we speak lie, we loss of our  characteristic and good name .
      Always speak truth,no problems will be there.

      replyreport
2. 75

   loveofnightposted 14 years ago

   i honestly believe that there is no one on the planet that does not lie.perfection does not live here, we will always have to deal with liars in one form or another.

   replyreport
   1. 67

      drej2522posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree. I am perfect!

      replyreport
3. 61

   patfulposted 14 years ago

   There are people who live by the lie. They wouldn't know The Truth if it slapped them in the face. My approach to adult liars, once it's clear to me what they are, is to draw a line through their names on my "friends list" and move on. There's no point in lecturing them or arguing with them (unless there's a financial transaction involved). But when you know the person cannot be trusted, you simply don't trust them with anything that counts.
   As for a young child who lies---and you KNOW  he/she's spinning you a tall one---you have a discussion with them about what it means to lose your credibility.
   You impress on them that when you tell the truth, you don't have to keep remembering what you said in your last version of "the story". If it's your child that's involved, there should be some appropriate penalty involved to make the lesson memorable.Because there have been so many liars involved (and caught) in Big Business and in Government, it might be good to point out these public examples.
   Another point to make with a young child is that if you keep lying and lying, it all comes to bite you eventually. (Unfortunately for some adults, it takes too long.)

   replyreport
   1. 95

      Sue Adamsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hear, hear! No-one can be intelligent enough to keep telling lies without eventually being found out.

      replyreport
4. 0

   Onusonusposted 14 years ago

   Twenty lashings in town square, at noon for all to see!!!!

   replyreport
5. 0

   girly_girl09posted 14 years ago

   Liars will eventually lose the trust of their loved ones. Once you begin telling lies, no one can trust you anymore!
   
   I suppose the best way to deal with a liar is to call them out on each and every lie. Chances are though, that they'll deny them, if they are used to lying frequently or could even be described as pathological liars. If they admit to the lie you called them out on, then maybe all is not lost.

   replyreport
6. 60

   A2shleyposted 14 years ago

   I'm not sure if I'd say the contractor is "lying."  Most people are inordinately incapable of future prediction.  Even with all the best intentions at heart (and training) most people will over or under-estimate the length of time to complete a project.  Whether that's right or not depends on your tolerance and patience for contractual commitments. 
   
   As for the child lying...I'm not sure what to do about that.  Not having children myself I can't offer any experience, but from observing my nephews I know that when they lie about things its b/c they fear getting in to trouble.  They may think they will get in trouble for admitting to what they did and lie to prevent that or please the adult.  Definitely a behavior that should be corrected and not encouraged. 
   
   As for lying from adults - friends in particular - it can be infuriating.  I usually distance myself from them and eventually no longer speak to them.  There is one girl in particular who used to lie about making plans with my boyfriend.  My BF always told me when they would hang out (we were all mutual friends) and I trusted him completely but it was actually really hurtful to be lied to from her.  When there is no reason to lie people will lose all faith in you.

   replyreport
7. 68

   Paradise7posted 14 years ago

   Yeah, unfortunately people are often too afraid or something to just go ahead and tell the truth.  Or maybe they feel there is some advantage in a lie.
   
   When you catch it, it depends on the situation whether confrontation is the right answer.  With a child, I'd say go ahead and confront, but try to get to the motivation behind the lie and take care of it if it's a problem and if it's YOUR child.  Someone else's child...well, I think I'd let it go.  You can create an awful lot of bad feelings by calling somebody else's kid a liar, even if he is one.
   
   With the contractor, I feel really bad for you there.  I hate getting stung by trusting someone's word in a business situation, only to have that person fail me.  It isn't a good thing, especially when I bust myself to keep MY word in business situations.  If the contractor does you too bad, there are legal remedies.  Sometimes the threat is enough; but sometimes it backfires.  You don't want the person working on your house to be an enemy.  Still, you can't lay down and let the contractor walk all over you.
   
   I'd try a gentle confrontation first, reminding him of what he told you and what you believed, and what's actually happening now.  Remind him that you don't want it to become necessary for you to discover what your remedies are.

   replyreport
8. 59

   SoftCornHippoposted 14 years ago

   About liars? Damn I'd fire em right off as soon as I KNOW they lyin'  - but if they're just makin' some subtle point about my bad breath, then, hell, I know what that's about!  A lie is a lie.  A fib is a fib.  A fib don't hurt nobody.  A lie is usually either to cover a crime or to be all malicious on my butt.  So I don't like it.  BUT whether kid or adult I usually remind em of the littleboywhocriedwolf and then I ask em "How I gonna KNOW when you tellin the truth, dude?"  If they walk away - I walk away.  If they never come back - good riddance.

   replyreport
9. 72

   thranaxposted 14 years ago

   Lies play an important part of our society. Think i'm lieing? Think of the lies people use for good:
   Santa Claus coming to your house. Maybe the Easter bunny. There all lies.
   At the hospital, to your 13 year old son, "Is my father going to be ok" No one even knows at this point you say "Yes honey, he will be fine." What if it doesn't turn out fine? Then you lied and they know it.
   
   People can't live without lies, if everything was truthful there would be a large outbreak of rage throughout the world at each other.
   
   Personally, I try not to lie as often as possible.
   
   ~thranax~

   replyreport
   1. 0

      sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      lol, I don't lie.  I just don't answer.

      replyreport
10. 66

    torimariposted 14 years ago

    Kill 'em.
    
    Nah.
    
    Iono, I am not a trusting person so I am not surprised when people lie. I do remember though depending on what it is. It really depends on circumstance.

    replyreport
11. 68

    creativeone59posted 14 years ago

    well, I try really hard not too, because God doesn't like liars, you can find it in the bible and explain it to them if they"re an adult but if it's a kid try to use the boy that cried wolf story and see if that works. but honestly just tell them it's better to be truthful so you  they don't get caught  up in a lie.         creativeone59

    replyreport
12. 0

    cosetteposted 14 years ago

    i'm pretty forgiving of my friends, but if a friend lies to me, especially more than once, i will pull away.
    
    the best way to deal with contractors is to get everything in writing up front and make sure they are bonded and licensed.
    
    as for children lying, i would sit down with them and get to the bottom of it to see why they felt safer lying than being truthful

    replyreport
13. 0

    LEWJposted 14 years ago

    How do you deal with liars?     From the safest distance possible.

    replyreport
14. 64

    Mishaposted 14 years ago

    I just shoot them

    replyreport
    1. 75

       starme77posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       haha good idea

       replyreport
15. 0

    sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

    Well with holding all the information from a client is often a common practice. When you say ,"I think we can do it." and you haven't firmed up everything first thats survival.Then you scramble! I've found that clients lie as much or more than contractors. This can put a contractor in a difficult position trying to please someone who'll never be happy or they'll allways have one more demand. I'm told continuously that a job is an emergency, well in construction theres no emergencies especially when safety is concerned. IF someone is into you for money you still have to work with them even if you know they're being deceitfull.

    replyreport
16. 76

    repoprimoposted 14 years ago

    Liars, Wow what a topic! Parents lie to their kids daily, even so small it is called a "white lie" or harmless. A child hears parents on the phone, telling friends that they are ill and therefore can not particpate in what-ever is going on.
    
    Then The child hears a parent talking about the latest sale at Mervyn's and has to be there between the hours when the parent should be at work.  What does the parent do? they call their employer and say that the child has a doctor's appointment on that day.
    
    Kids are the product of what they witness.  If they witness enough lies, then they will lie.  My opinion, if the parent sets a better example for th ekids to follow, then maybe we would reduce the numbers of liars in our society.

    replyreport
17. 71

    AEvansposted 14 years ago

    I would forgive them and guide them to try and get on the right path. Lying is taught , it does not come subconsciously or consciously.

    replyreport
    1. 61

       sairu6posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       i choose this as best answer .
       
       liars do so because - they are in need of something . if those people are that close to us - we must find out why they do so and help them find the other easy way .
       
       those who say " we should punish liars " - it is better we punish our self coz - this statement  shows that  we are acting like we are the  perfect and genuine person in the world ( even acting is lie ).
       
       believe me  most of the liars are not happy ( they live in guilty f.) my own experience.

       replyreport
18. 60

    zadrobiposted 14 years ago

    Lying is a necessary part of everyday.
    
    There are different types of lying-- even a good kind.
    
    Sometimes you lie to spare someone's feelings and sometimes you lie to make someone feel good about themselves-- you see where I'm going with this.
    
    For the bad liars: a good spanking does the trick.

    replyreport
19. 63

    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    Not all lying is equal.  Children of four or five are said to go through a developmental stage when they're in the process of sorting out, for themselves, the differences between fantasy, lies, the truth, etc.  Then, too, any kid who thinks he'll disappoint or anger an adult is likely to be unable to tell the truth.  (There are kids who just "tell it like it is" to parents, but they're often kids who don't really care what their parents think of them.  So, in a strange way, when a kid lies to a parent it can mean he doesn't want his parent to think less of him.  Yes, sometimes it's also that he doesn't want to get in trouble.  Kids don't have the kind of sureness about themselves that it takes to just tell the truth much of the time. 
    
    As far as the innocent face goes, kids have an innocent face.  A lot of teens lie for the same reasons younger kids do.  Teens, though, sometimes lie because "they don't want to hear it" if they tell the truth about something they do/did.
    
    Part of being a kid is doing stupid things and not always being able to just tell the truth when asked about it.  It takes self-confidence and maturity to do that.  When my kids would tell the occasional lie I'd let them know I "wasn't able to believe them" but that I knew all kids mess up.  Based on whatever the situation was, I'd decide on consequences and/or discussion.
    
    As for the contractor, I think sometimes people say what they believe to be true, only to have circumstances change and have what they said turn out to be incorrect.  A little understanding is sometimes in order.

    replyreport
20. 0

    sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

    I offer them a 'Fox's Glaciar Mint'.

    replyreport
21. 65

    repstrydieflyposted 14 years ago

    I think the best way to crack into a liar's truths is to use what you already know about them to use reverse psychology. Interests always bring out the truth in somebody, for if they are having fun or are interested in something they may blurt out something that they wouldn't usually want the world to know. Either that or they will keep being miserable, but hey, everybody lies and if they keep lying to people then their whole world will be a lie, and they will not know what is true or false. In other words they will be blind to reality, and will live in fear in their subconscious thinking.
    
    By the way, this is coming from somebody who just recovered from a lie being lived from age 13 to 18, because I was confused with the situation I grew up in. And I was also ashamed of being me, so I always lied to be accepted. But now I found out that made it worse and worse, like being sucked into a black hole or something. So now I try my best to be truthful in any situation I am in, so I can live a happy life and be successful.

    replyreport
    1. 62

       prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       good thing for you, you came to accept what you really are, always be proud of yourself and have self confidence

       replyreport
22. 59

    keira7posted 14 years ago

    Cut their tongue out!!!!!

    replyreport
23. 62

    Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

    I allow them to continue digging a big hole for themselves, until they have no other choice than to come clean.

    replyreport
24. 63

    kmackey32posted 14 years ago

    Jack them in the jaw.

    replyreport
25. 49

    HealthTipposted 14 years ago

    My Mum used to say you can catch a thief but it is harder to catch a liar, I think she was lying
    
    Everybody Lies !

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Pachuca213posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       yes everyone does lie, whether they are big or smile.....

       replyreport
26. 69

    waynetposted 14 years ago

    I rip their nuts off and feed them to the homeless or if I don't want to be sexist I still rip someones nuts off and slap the lying biyach with the nut sack!!!

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Pachuca213posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Someone sounds irate!

       replyreport
       1. 69

          waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Yep, no time for liars, for every lie told there are many truths going unnoticed!!

          replyreport
          1. 0

             Pachuca213posted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I have to agree with that one!

             replyreport
27. 0

    Go Writerposted 14 years ago

    A lie is never right, no matter how well-intentioned we meant to be. We should do our best to avoid lying. If we cannot, it's probably better to not say anything at all.
    
    One half truth is still a lie, and all people lie.
    
    We have to make a concerted effort to not do it.  It's a life-long endeavor.

    replyreport
28. 62

    prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

    the twin sister of lying is being honest...people lie for various reasons, so that they will feel good about themselves, they cant man up to face consequences and like little children, they dont want to hurt other peoples feelings, but isnt it you hurt them more if you dont tell the truth and they will learn it from other people?

    replyreport
29. 75

    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    Why is a 6 yr old afraid of telling you the truth??

    replyreport
    1. 62

       prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       sometimes they are afraid of the consequences of failing your expectations, they dont want you to be angry at them

       replyreport
       1. 75

          Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I understand, but for children usually empathy and compassion makes them feel safe ,and if someone feels safe ,they will then trust the adult just my experience raising 4 sons

          replyreport
          1. 0

             Pachuca213posted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Yes you have to be approachable or they won't talk to you at all, and definitely won't tell the truth!

             replyreport
             1. 75

                Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Also children develop at different rates, all my sons were different ,and once I knew they understood the difference between truth and lies then I dealt with it appropriately.
                
                Saying they never put the cat in the freezer for example(when they did) was punishable because they knew it was wrong, and why it was wrong........but using clogne or touching someone else property , I would handle it much differently

                replyreport
                1. 0

                   Pachuca213posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   thankfully with my boys they have a healthy fear of disappointing me so they always come clean. The oldest never lies and the youngest on occasion has, but he always comes to me to confess later with an honest and repentant heart. All kids are different. Honestly, showing love is the best way to conquer lying.

                   replyreport
30. 63

    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    I told my share of lies as a kid (not wanting to disappoint my parents or not wanting to "hear about it" when I was a teen).  Then I grew up to be someone who doesn't lie for the most part (only the occasional lie to work about a car that doesn't start - but that's only because I once was honest about oversleeping and my boss, at the time, got furious and said I didn't respect him enough to lie!    Live and learn.)  In general, I about as honest as people get; so if a kid lies to me I just see it as something kids do, and if an adult lies to me I see it as his/her flaw and problem.  I don't like it, and I'll address it; but I'm someone who gets "buttons pushed" when someone lies.
    
    Sometimes I think people who get their buttons pushed most are people who, themselves, lie a lot; and who hate in other people what they see in themselves (not always, of course, but I think it's common).  Sometimes, too, it's people who expect more information from others than they really have a right to. 

    replyreport
31. 65

    repstrydieflyposted 14 years ago

    Why are you going to cut somebody's tongue off for lying, when you lie too. And if you don't I'm sure you have lied before in your life. What I'm saying is people make mistakes and they will never change unless you learn to forgive people. Love, respect, and forgiveness is all we need in this world. Whatever happened to the Golden Rule these days.

    replyreport
    1. 59

       keira7posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Do you really think that I mean or I will do that horrible crime ? I understand your comment because you dont know me, sorry if I offended any one. Next time I will know that some pepole may be confuse, if we forgot to write the word LOL, its a small word that could avoid a big argument.. So sorry again. God Bless you.

       replyreport