This is written with first-hand knowledge from the non-alcoholic half of the relationships perspective.
A few days ago I booted the drunk out. There is just no other way to say it because I have found that "nice" words just don't get through to people, especially those that are still enmeshed in the chaos.
Prior to the "booting" life was insane and I knew that this just isn't the way its supposed to be when you are a couple. I spent the majority of my time with him quite alone as there were other friends and of course the drinking that was priority. I had been asking, screaming, and begging him to move for over three months but the straw that finally broke the proverbial camels back was when he found his "dream home on the water" and wanted us to move and screw the current lease. The lease was in my name and I, unlike him, knew the meaning of responsibility and honoring your word. I gave him three days in which to get his stuff out and believe me he dragged his heels on all three days. I finally ended up throwing his things outside the fence and locking the gate on day 2 of his time limit. I had finally had enough of the bs and gathered my strength and acted.
Since day 3 I have enjoyed peace and a different kind of alone. No more wondering where he is, if he's drinking, or if he's coming home because this isnt his home now.
I have found that there is no long-term solution to the trials and just plain craziness of living with an alcoholic except one. That is the boot, cry a little, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with your life.
There are programs out there that advocate staying and believe me, I have tried them. But my take on them is that they advocate, essentially, putting up with the crap and learning to live with it. You learn to live with diabetes not alcoholics. Diabetes can be controlled with medication but NO ONE can control an alcoholic! Getting your life right is the only thing you have power over. Bless those men and women that stay for whatever reason, be it "love" or whatever. But for me, after 10 years of trying everything, the only resolution was expunging him from my life. It was time to get off the tilt-o-whirl of living with an alcoholic and begin living with me. I am happier than I have ever been now and look at life as a brand new journey.
Time To Quit when:
the happiness factor is greatly outweighed by the pain and suffering and when both people are not willing to make profound changes then its time to let go,turn him/her over to God, and get on with your life.
And thats what I did.
Being alone is not as bad as you think it might be. People will try to make you think something is wrong with you wanting to be alone. Dont listen to any of it. Enjoy your feeling of free as long as you can. You will become so peaceful, so sure of yourself, you will never let anyone in your life again that means you no good. Enjoy your time gettting to know yourself again.
Good for you, Victoriaxyz.
I have many friends and family who wasted years hoping their partner would change.
I don't know how much time you threw away , but I'm glad that you finally saw the light.
Now comes the hard part -- surviving the begging and the promises.
Please, for your children, your grandchildren, and yourself, stay strong!
Hi victoriaxyz. I was in the middle of "greeting" you (welcoming you to Hub Pages) and saw you had posted this.
Congratulations to you on reclaiming your life and your sanity.
I know it's really, really chaotic to live with an active alcoholic. I also know (as do you) that all the tactics you tried to get your drunk to listen and change are ineffective.
Kicking him out is the best thing you could have done. It may even save his life!
Ooooohhhhh, I like this post! Congratulations for taking control of your life. You have now entered the realm of freedom. It may feel strange at first, as you get used to it, but it will soon become your best friend. Welcome !!!
Welcome to HubPages!
I think you might want to put your thoughts into your first hub.
Life is too short to waste it on these idiots!
Get out, or get them out! Congradulations.
Good for you! Keep strong and do not let him back or it will happen again! You have found new life, explore and enjoy it! Best of luck to you and welcome to hubpages! You will find expertise and support here!
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