Often, a selfish person is the product of a family with siblings. Someone who has learned to protect what is theirs, to not share. Even without siblings, parents can inflict the notion that a child should 'share' everything with other children, even those the child may instinctively see as rude. Another child grabs and mommy says, "share your toys/candy/clothes/money/time" whatever. Give of yourself before you even know what it means to be giving, a very adult concept. So the child grows up knowing that he needs to hold close to the vest all that he holds dear. It can create psychological holes that only a lifetime of loving can repair.
The selfish person is often conflicted. They love - parents, siblings, children, spouse - but do not want to give of themselves. They are in a way, shut down. They can learn to love themselves eventually, but this will also seem selfish to them. It will be a conscious decision and will take years to accomplish in truth.
I think the problem is that selfish people are incapable of loving anyone else but themselves, and they only hear whatever the hell they want to hear. In fact, I used to be best friends with a guy that was so self obsessed with his own life that he would literally tell you his life story every single damn day. If you even tried to correct him or tell him that you already know the story, then he'd upset and say that your not a good friend.
The problem with people that are selfish is that they only care about their own needs and thinks of love as a form of it always being about them, and nothing more. Therefore, I think your real question SHOULD be if a selfish person is capable of loving anyone else but themselves.
Did you really want discussion, or were you just running the title by us to see if would make a good hub title or what? Either way is fine; just curious. I'm picturing you giggling at us as the thread takes on a life of its own and meanders into a zillion pages....haha
Is being "self-involved" the same as being selfish?
..I know sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own problems or situations that they just don't seem to be able to see what's happening to anyone else around them.....and maybe they would help others if they could, but they can only focus on themselves.
And that self-involvement may not be love; it could even stem from disliking one's self..
Okay. Interesting post. However, I have only one issue- "maybe they would help other if they could, but they can only focus on themselves"- I'm understanding that the word "focus" is with regards to financial distress. Because, anyone who doesn't help others for any other reason is selfish.
One must look out for themselves first and foremost. One's survival is a must. However, should a person do nothing to help anyone all of their life, means that they lived a selfish life.
A person who lives a Self-interest type of life, lives to better themselves, so they are always in self improvement mode.
Selfish is defined by being devoted to or caring only for oneself. Only concerned for one's own needs, interests and welfare regardless of others. So that seems to answer is a selfish person can love themselves. As someone stated love requires give and take. It's possible a person can give and take of themselves. But the real question might be: can a selfish person love another person? The term love itself is very difficult to define, since it means different things to each person. But humour me, and look up the definition of love. Go down a little into the definitions and two of them are: to have an intense desire or emotional attachment. To need or require, benefit greatly from.
So just some different thoughts thrown in to stir up the pot
The only word in your description would be "devoted" - that would insinuate love, but since love is pure honesty, a selfish person could never love themselves, because they never realize that they are selfish. They don't see themselves as selfish. But, their actions speaks volumes. Even, if the action is to do nothing. In a truly selfish extreme, it would be impossible, but to those who are selfish(not to the extreme, but in many actions) possibly could give and take, so long as it was rationalized out as some later benefit due or expected. It goes to show how skewed definitions are.
I think a selfish person thinks all others are not worthy. Deep down a selfish person must know that their own selfish behaviour makes them unworthy. This would be an unacceptable truth to them. The superficial love they have for themselves (their ego) must be conditional upon an absence of true self awareness... for they cannot truly love and give to someone who is unworthy. But to maintain this unhealthy state the selfish person must also maintain unworthiness. They actually can't win. Unless of course they become selfless... in which case they would know deep and true love for themselves.... and probably a deeper form of love from others.
I do think though, that in today's busy world where every sense of awareness is turned toward outside influences, first you need to become selfish to then become selfless.
It has been touted that for one to do a spiritual transformation (not talking religion here), is actually self indulgent. It's a necessary phase to deconstruct the influences that have conditioned your existence - ie parents, school, piers, church, government etc. Once you find the 'true self' underneath that conditioning, you then become selfless. Only this selfless giving is full of a depth of love, not only for the receiver, but in turn for the giver.
I send most of my waking hours in life, loving my job. My mother told me I was being selfish. I said to her, times have changed, I am being self serve in order to serve others better, if you do not like your job you will not master life.
Being self serve first, is not being selfish as long as you always consider others in the process with adjusting mistakes.
I believe that when you are only absorbed with self, in love only with self, thats its called narcissism! Since everyone is a part of our self, by truly loving them, we are loving our self. Babies and small children live in a me world, until they are taught to love others...unfortunately, most of the world are still infants in infancy..They only care about their own ego needs....the relationships of the world have been selfish, but eventually they usually learn through pain, and thus begin a process of learning to love others....
Selfish people DO love themselves. They also want THE BEST for themselves. They believe that there is nothing wrong with putting themselves first. They are the healthiest people around. They let others know when they stand. They aren't afraid to establish boundaries with others as to what they will & won't tolerate. They refuse to buy into the notion of being self-sacrificing, giving, & putting others' needs before their own. They see believe that the concept of selflessness is a form of self-hatred which is emotionally, mentally, psychologically, & even psychically unhealthy.
It is quite healthy & normal to be selfish. Selfish isn't a bad word however our society & culture make it out to be. People should live their best lives & have the best. Giving to others causes others to expect handouts & make them never want to do things for themselves but wait for others to do for them. Also giving to others causes people to take advantage. Selfish people will never have the problem of others taking advantage of them. They respect themselves FAR TOO MUCH!
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