Men's Etiquette: The Adjustment and The Itch

The Scratch

Picture by Dave aka Emptybelly on Flickr
Picture by Dave aka Emptybelly on Flickr

The Adjustment

 

Throughout a normal day for a man there will be many instances where an adjustment or an itch may need to be addressed.  Where should this be conducted and how?  First let’s look at what the adjustment means to people that are in sight of this action.

The Adjustment

When a man reaches down to adjust himself in public people who are in view of this are thinking, “That man must think that his package is just so huge that it needs constant adjustment.”  Or they are thinking, “That guy is over there playing with him self.”  Either way you definitely don’t want someone thinking this about you.  Do what I do.

If you find yourself in need of an adjustment while in public instead of reaching down and fiddling with it, simply excuse yourself from the room.  Go somewhere that people are not in view of you at all.  For example, go to the bathroom.  If this is not an option then go outside.  In a bathroom you can make all the adjustments you need.  Going outside is also an option but you will want to make sure that people are not in view of you.  If there are people and you are near your car, just reach in your pocket for your keys and make the adjustment there.  Ladies you need to understand that men sometimes wear boxer shorts or some other form of underpants that sometimes allows the ole’ snake out of the cage if you will.  The adjustment is usually a way for men to put it back where it belongs. 

Sometimes a quick full pants maneuver will get the little guy back where it belongs.  Do this by pulling the waistband out away from your body then lifting them up and lowering them.  When you do this you’ll want to make sure that you grab the waistband to your underwear as well.  This action just looks like you are adjusting your pants and is more socially acceptable.  Have you ever seen a guy walk funny through a store?  As a man that has done this I know what it means.  An exaggerated step in any direction usually means an adjustment is necessary.  This is another method of acceptable social adjustments.  Usually by taking a long step followed by a quick jump will get Jr. back in place.  There are other methods to socially acceptable adjustments, just get creative and think about how you’ll look to a passer-by.

Hubchallenge

Hubchallenge number 17
Hubchallenge number 17

The Itch

 

So many times in a man’s day to day he will have an itch.  The unfortunate thing about this itch is the placement.  It most often happens or occurs on the chode.  The chode is a place of unsavory location and can often lead to embarrassment by men.  It is best described as a place where hair from either side can make a tickle and leave a man cringing with a desire to scratch the itch. 

The crack itch is not such a big deal as it can often be cured by an occasional scoot across a seat.  Sometimes the scoot needs to be repeated, a good number to squelch any crack itch is about five in each direction.  The crack itch often occurs when you have a fart waiting for escape.  One more method of relieving the crack itch is to let the fart go.  Sure you will want to be extremely cautious of where you are when you let loose but it will often relieve the itch.

An itch on any other part of the body is of little to no consequence and can be dealt with in any manner.   All manners of these itch relief’s are socially acceptable.

Let’s get back to the chode.  The most common cause of chode itch is a renegade hair.  The hair runs across the chode in a manner that causes a gentle tickle.  The tickle then causes a terrible itch that cannot be addressed in a social situation.  The best cure for a chode itch is to cross you legs dramatically.  If this doesn’t work then it is time to find a bathroom and scratch that itch.  The great thing about the dramatic leg cross is that when people see this they will think you need to go to the bathroom and will often point this out to you.  If the “leg cross” does work you can just play it off, if it doesn’t work then you now know where the restroom is.

I hope in someway this article has been useful to you and helps you avoid social embarrassment.

 

Copyright 2009 by Wesley Cox

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Comments 20 comments

Dame Scribe profile image

Dame Scribe 7 years ago from Canada

I had no idea, really, lol. Educating hub, indeed, :)


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

I give you props for being the fastest to ever respond to a newly published hub. Thank you for visiting.


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

lol very interesting wesley but the question is, what if i had an urgent itching thingy :), going to the bathroom won't solve it :) Thanks.


I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 7 years ago

What great advice! :)


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Well, shamelabboush I might suggest a couple of butt flexes to get you started, and continue with that until you reach the restroom.

Invictus: Thank you for visiting and stopping by.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

This was funny, Wes! I got another one for you: Bend down and pretend your tying your shoes. The simple action should cause enough friction "down there" to suffice your need to itch. And it that's not enough, take a quick glance around you and see if there isn't anyone looking. If the coast is clear, give it a quick once-over. People are bit more reluctant to look at you when you are tying your shoes for some reason. Weird but true. This always works for me.


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Dohn, that's funny, I never thought of that one. I think the reason people may not want to look at you when tying shoes is the lower position. Most people feel superior when someone is stooped down and refuses to acknowledge that feeling. Thanks for the comment.


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 7 years ago

I have just questioned Simões about this condition. Or should I say these conditions. It sent his hands into adjustment mode. Funny. I always thought guys were just fiddling around, you know - like a guy thing. Now I know.

Must be hard work - carrying itchy, wandering junk around ;)


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Well, yes it is true those fiddling moments was an actual adjustment. I am not quite sure that I would call it junk, I think it needs to be held as a higher valued item.

Thanks for the comment, very funny.


ralwus 7 years ago

Haha, we all suffer. have you ever sat on your balls. I hate that most of all and when in front of people who don't know you have biguns, it is quit embarrassing when you squeal in pain.


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Holy shit man, no I have never actually sat on my balls *laughing out loud* I would imagine that it is not pleasant at all. Thanks for commenting.


ralwus 7 years ago

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. Doncha think?


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

yeah, I would have to agree on that one.


ralwus 7 years ago

Fun hub son. See ya and be safe.


advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing

Too funny!


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Thanks advisor, I am glad you liked it.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain

I love hubpages I get to learn about so many fascinating things here including the itch and scratch etiquette. lol


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Thank you maggs, I am glad this was educational for you. Enjoy your day.


\Brenda Scully 6 years ago

so glad i am not male ugh


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 6 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012 Author

Indeed, it is uncomfortable.

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