Expectations

Are they unrealistic?

There are/can be many disapointments in life and sometimes they can't be avoided. Living up to what we expect is a big one. Whether it be in someone else or in ourselves. Our expectations can be "too high" unreasonable or unrealistic. No one is perfect nor can they be in this crazy world.

Sometimes we expect more from a person than they are able to give..at a particular time. Sometimes we expect a person to do more than they are capable of doing, or to be more than they are capable of being. Therefore we are the ones who wind up getting frustrated, angry, hurt, impatient and disapointed. We are the ones effected by our own actions. We are the ones who set ourselves up for disapointments.

Sometimes our approach can be critical, overbearing and destructive. Even when we simply suggest something or give an opinion it does'nt go over well. It can be viewed as an attack on ones charactor even tho that was not the intention. This should never be taken personally because we all have things we are trying to cope with from our past and present situations and we shut down.

Even when we simply try to point something out to someone they can go into the defend mode, protective mode because they are not ready to deal with "the problem" yet. They are still battling with it therefore they are consumed by it and it has power over their well being. Everyone needs to be comfortable in their own skin. Like no body states in one of my comments below..it must be the right message, from the right source, at the right time, by the right person (edified properly) or it will not be received in the way it was intended to be received. Otherwise it can be misinterpreted.

Our expectations, opinions and suggestions can sometimes be veiwed as attacks on self worth and competency. Therefore conflict, separation and alienation occures and the door is shut on communication. Then our relationships are compromised. I watched Charles Stanley's program last Sunday and he ministered on how "Words" can have a profound, everlasting effect on us and our well being, our growth and our lives. They can have a tremendous effect and sometimes we say things we later regret.

No one can live up to any"one's" standards. It's not that what everyone is doing is right or that we don't have a big heart in wanting whats best for them, it's just that our expectations may be overwelming.

A lot of people feel like failures because they can't live up to the expectations they put on themselves or that others put on them. We can make others feel like failures because of our expections being "To high"> Expecting too much. Too much attention can be put on expectations and not on acheivements/accomplishments.

Did you know that if more time was put on validating acheivements that more expectations might be met? Whether it be someone elses acheivements or our own. We need to validate to communicate! If we spent more time appreciating than critisizing someone they might feel more abt to expect/acheive more from/of themselves. Did you ever consider that we may be the very ones who are halting their progress as well as our own in the way we come across? Sometimes our approach can be benificial or it can be life threatening. Meaning destructive to one's growth and well being.

No one is exactly where we are in life. No two are equal in progress nor should they be expected to be. We all arive at our destination at differant times in differant ways. Kindness can accomplish more than critisism. So few realize this. If we spent more time building someone up, more things might get accomplished, Therefore everyone would be happier. So what should we expect from someone? To be the best that "They" can be.

More by this Author


Comments 35 comments

no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

I have felt the hurt that I have disappointed people because I was expected to do or act or be something other than what Jesus has made me thus far. I feel that people who actively give others their expectations are in real danger of being used by the enemy for his purposes. If I expect my wife to be as interested in the things that I am, for example, and I express my disappointment to her over and over, I am creating a situation that gives the enemy an entranceway into our lives. My expectations may not be God's expectations right now. God may have that be the goal and not where they "should be". The words I choose when I express my disappointment could be ones that are given to me by Satan. I may not even know I'm being used. As far as I'm concerned I am speaking my heart to her. I can say "honey it is God's will for you to..." and she may even try to do that and find she can't. She may want to do or like something I want her to and simply is not that person to be able to do it.

The bottom line, God is in charge of each person's growth. He will decide the outcome and how the person will reflect Jesus in the end. She may never like football like I want her to. But it doesn't matter. She is in my life for a reason. God thinks this person is supposed to be in my life and has chosen her to be there for a reason. What is my duty toward her? The Bible is clear. Love them as intensely as the Lord allows. Support them with every bit of growth the Lord causes to happen. It is not my job to grow her, not my job to will her down some path. It is my job to love the Lord with my whole heart and love my brother as myself.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Your right no body. The only place we belong is to encourage one another, not by way of expectations. Thank you brother..


no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

There is more than encouragement. There is also edification. Sometimes that doesn't feel good but it also is loving from God. But it must be the right message from the right source at the right time by the right person - or it will not be received in the way it is intended to be received. Love you


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Yes you are right no body. We have to be ready to recieve God's message or it can be misinterpreted. We all struggle and in time we realize why. I recieved this message from God this morning and published it. I didn't think i had enough content, but God added some, I know. Love you too brother


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thank you TimeHelasAll, you really said a mouth full. thank you for your hub on expectations, it was very enlightening. blessings to you. creativeone59


TimeHealsAll 6 years ago

Thank you creativeone for stopping by and I'm glad you enjoyed my hub on expectations. I always look forward to your comments and your words of encouragement! God Bless you!


"Quill" 6 years ago

Expectations we place on ourselves and those which others place on us will and can control the way we feel about ourselves.

Over the years I have learned to become the man that God calls me to be, there is great comfort in knowing that He is non-judgemental. Should I made a wrong choice He will be there to pick me up.

As often as not that is not what others will do.

Blessings


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Yes Quill, expectations can be taken personally and have a profound effect on us and others. We must find a way to approach the situation in a better more benificial way. Sometimes it can be excepted and sometimes not, no matter how hard we may try. Sometimes we just have to let go and let God do his work. Thank you Quill!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

TimesHealsAll, This was a very thought provoking hub! As Nobody says, "God is in charge of our growth." Therefore we should go to Him first, and encourage others to do so as well. Since we all are different our expectations vary. It is good to have a goal in whatever you are attempting to achieve. Commit to give it your best!

Example If your goal is harmony then you will be flexible but not compromise your values! This helps you build healthy spiritual boundaries! You remain sensitive, yet when you realize that that person is frustrated or can't? You alter your expectation of them or you release them. As you grow closer to God so does your Love, understanding and compassion. We all have our limits. Remember the goal is never to frustrate its to achieve. Yes as you say; sometimes you do just have to "step back and let God do His work."

Thank you for sharing, Blessings!


love my yorkies profile image

love my yorkies 6 years ago from way out west

Awesome hub. Expectations!! Very frustrating when not met by yourself or someone else but also very humbleling (spelled right?) for we must admit our own failings and shortcomings.


gkarlene50 profile image

gkarlene50 6 years ago

This is so true. You really explain what you write.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

gkarlene, thank you, when I write, I write in the spirit. I call on God to help me. I am glad you enjoyed it. Blessings to you and Happy Holidays!!!


fenzero profile image

fenzero 6 years ago from Arizona

I enjoyed this. There is a really simple way to look at this also.

Just know, the second you learn to live without expectation, everything becomes a surprise :)


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Absolutly! And the second we stop worrying, God supplies our needs. We need to make room for God in everything.


peacenhim 6 years ago

Amen!! Well said. We all need to build each other up rather than tear down. Edify one another with positive words, songs, and praise! I'm not going to preach as that's really not my style, ((sometimes LOL)); but by example as is referred Biblically we are all building blocks to a spiritual building in Christ. And we are all being built up to His perfect image. As it says in Romans 12:14-18; "If people persecute you because you are Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in Harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all!! ((my favorite)); Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible." Because as it says in 1 pet. 2:5; "And now God is building you, as living stones, into His spiritual temple." Bless you for this Hub, as this is something we can all relate to and feel. Timing I believe is the "key" to well received messages for both parties at hand.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Amen!!! In peace we find understanding, in patience we find understanding, in love we find understanding and in God we gain it all!!! Amen!!!


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 6 years ago

I love fenzero's concept..."The second you learn to live without expectation, everything becomes a surprise :)" Expectations have always been a set up for disappointment, in my life, and it has takem alot of work on my part to really see that at play in myself, and change the way I think. "My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations!" (B.B. pg. 420) Great Hub! Thanks!


donotfear profile image

donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

I can't tell you how many times my expectations have caused me disappointment after disappointment. Seems like I'd learn by now. But that's just the way the mind is wired, I guess. We always want what we can't have, we blow things out of proportion just like having expectations that don't come to pass. I'm glad I'm having a chance to reflect on this. Thanks again.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you tnderhrt23. God seems to work most in our lives when we least expect it. When we give room to God to do his work in his time we gain so much more. Blessings


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you donotfear. Were always setting ourselves up for disappointment because we all have a problem with conforming to the ways of our loving God. We can edify but it is so important to do it in faith. The rest we must pray about and trust that God will intervene. Blessings to you!


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK

I really enjoyed this, you are very insightful. I notice a lot of the comments talk about expectations and god and thats cool. My view on reading this is that its insightful even for atheists and that makes it a powerful writing. The one thing I have noticed in life is that some people seem to expect more from others then they do from themselves, that seems backward to me. The only person I have any control over is myself and I am the only one I can know well enough to decide what my abilities are. I try to expect the best from myself and just trust others to achieve their best, there is no way I can know what another persons best is so no reason to worry about it.


BeiYin profile image

BeiYin 6 years ago from Ibiza Spain

We are the result of the programming we have received of being born into this society. We are living out of this reality that in fact is a 'fake reality'. We want to be confirmed in our self image and we go out into the world with this expectation and - of course we will be disappointed, because *reality* is different and so we will be disappointed and frustrated and - of course giving the fault to the outside and the conditions we encounter. What a game! We are accumulating stress and getting sick, being out of balance and suffering even more. Being treated with medication that makes us dump and dull. Suffering more and more. What can make us 'wake up'? That we realize not being a victim, but that we can get out of this?

There are many questions open to be ask...

BeiYin


AuthorLMS 6 years ago

Great hub! You are so absolutely right. Thanks for sharing with us.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Yes our expectations of others can result in added stress on ourselves. Sometimes we are fighting a losing battle. Thank you all for your wonderful comments, they are much appreciated!


Kathy Rimel profile image

Kathy Rimel 6 years ago

So true, we need to remember that we don't know all about someone else's life and their preceptions are not our preceptions. All we can do is be as supportive and positive as possible.

Thanks for your insights.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Your absolutly right Kathy. Everyone has a differant perspective. Sometimes patience is more effective.


BeiYin profile image

BeiYin 6 years ago from Ibiza Spain

Expectations. - Are they unrealistic?

Indeed they are unrealistic and there for causing disappointment and stress. Then where our expectations are coming from? People are all conditioned by concepts that are part of our society. People are born into a set up, programmed into having expectations that confirm their existence...

This is an interesting topic, I will write a hub about it. Thank you for your question.

PS: Sorry, I just see that four weeks ago I have made already a comment...


hubpageswriter 6 years ago

That is so true. Sometimes, to expect something out of someone and they are not willing to give fulfill it fully, it just questions the value of expectations in general. You have pointed out some interesting facts there. Keep writing, thumbs up.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

I think one's growth can only be established when one is willing and ready and is able to understand the benefits they would aquire through change. Expectations carry value but the person has to see the value in order for it to be valuable to them. Then and only then can they put it into motion. Thank you hubpagewriter for your wonderful comment!


restoremyheart profile image

restoremyheart 6 years ago

My expectations, have fallen short of myself, time and time again. I agree with Quill, I have to focus on God's expectations of me! Great Hub! Thank you:)


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you restoremyheart, we all have fallen short of the glory of God and we are all weak in the flesh but in the Spirit we are perfected. Blessings my friend!


Quietest Moments 6 years ago

Great read, thank you for sharing. :-)


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you Quietest Moments and Blessings!


jagandelight profile image

jagandelight 5 years ago from Florida

I have learned the hard way expecting from people only spell hurt and disappointment, but expecting from God is peaceful, sure, and awesome.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 5 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you jagandelight, it is hard to live up to anothers expectations. It is even harder at times to live up to our own. God is able, and we need to trust that He will complete His divine purpose in us, in His timing and not ours. For God has a perfect plan beyond our understanding. Blessings to you~

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working