10 Painful Reasons Why I Will Never Be a Male Dancer Like "Magic Mike"

Channing Tatum has made a name for himself in films like "21 Jump Street," with Jonah Hill and the "Magic Mike" films.
Channing Tatum has made a name for himself in films like "21 Jump Street," with Jonah Hill and the "Magic Mike" films.

About Channing Tatum

Now that "Magic Mike XXL," is released and fans of the film franchise are having a great time, I think that I need to "man up" and unburden myself of yet another painful secret that has eaten at me for years.

Oh, a little about the star of the first film, "Magic Mike," and "Magic Mike XXL," Channing Tatum. Channing Matthew Tatum is an American actor, producer, dancer, and model. Tatum made his film debut in the drama, "Coach Carter." His breakthrough role was in the 2006 dance film "Step Up," which introduced him to a wider audience which every actor desires.

Tatum also co-starred with Jonah Hill in "21 Jump Street," and the sequel, "22 Jump Street," which shows his versatility in portraying different roles.

This is a young male dancer who has to work at staying in shape.
This is a young male dancer who has to work at staying in shape. | Source
Alexis, my eldest granddaughter and me at our Thanksgiving dinner.
Alexis, my eldest granddaughter and me at our Thanksgiving dinner. | Source
Male dancer in studio.
Male dancer in studio. | Source
One of these male dancers could find himself on the ground.
One of these male dancers could find himself on the ground. | Source
Now this obese guy in a tutu makes me think of how I would look on stage.
Now this obese guy in a tutu makes me think of how I would look on stage. | Source
Shadow dancing.
Shadow dancing. | Source
Early break dancing.
Early break dancing. | Source

I wish I could meet all of my Great Followers in-person so you could get a good look at me, but due to financial obstacles, that is impossible. Just take a close look at the photo of myself (and my eldest granddaughter, Alexis) to the right. Now before you freak-out in shock, just let me say that I am not using theatrical make-up in any way. This is how I really look. I wish I could change my looks, but there again, financial obstacles prevent me from doing this.

The painful confession I have share is this:

10 Painful Reasons Why I Will Never Be a Male Dancer Like "Magic Mike"

10.) No Woman, Sensible or Otherwise -- would spend her hard-earned cash to see me on stage shaking and rolling my "extra" pounds. It is just not in the realm of reality. Oh, I would try very hard to make the ladies happy, but let's face it. I would go home enduring a string of lonely nights.

9.) I Am Way Too Old -- to learn the moves that Channing Tatum had to learn in his "Magic Mike" films.

8.) When My Name Was On -- the ad that announced "Magic Mike-style" Male Dancing Here Tonight, I am afraid that is all I would be able to offer: Clever magic tricks to entertain all of the hard-working female CEO's, lawyers, and secretaries that are ready to "pay for play." Yeah, me and my "Oppossum In The Hat Trick" would be a crowd-favorite.

7.) My 61-Year Old Body -- cannot go as long as other male dancers who are younger than me, so when total-exhaustion would catch up with me, I would fall asleep right there on the stage.

6.) I Cannot Afford -- plastic surgery to carve my weathered-face into a face that makes women think of Channing Tatum.

5.) I Have no Athletic Skills -- that would afford me the ability to run away from the crowds of women who love to storm the stage to get with the other dancers who are up there with me. So what if I get trampled? Maybe someone can film a video of this action and send it to "America's Funniest Bar Videos."

4.) If an Attractive Lady -- were to come to me and say, "Let's go! Chrissy wants to have a good time." I would reply, "Oh, you want me to go with you to get her?"

3.) When It Came Time -- for me to "take it off," I would have my confidence busted from the many shouts of "keep it on. PLEASE!"

2.) My Name is Not -- catchy enough for show business. Can you imagine an emcee saying, "And now, ladies. I proudly present, 'Magic Ken' and his troupe of exotic male dancers." I can just see the girls getting up and leaving.

1.) I Know That -- I would get yelled at constantly for the sweat that flies from my body hitting the girls in the front row.

What's really sad is that male dancers like The Chippendale Dancers and Channing Tatum are always begged by pretty women for them to sweat on them all that they want.

"I" am not in this video

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