10 Questions To Ask Before You Walk Outside This Morning

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So, you decided to get out of bed this morning! Great choice, given your overwhelming selection of options! Unfortunately for you, the day is young and you have just opened a Pandora's Box of decisions you must now make. Think of the day as a maze. You are HERE (morning) and you must get to THERE (nighttime and/or your BED). Whatever will you do now to successfully navigate those tricky things called minutes (a.k.a. "hours") that stand like monumental obstacles between you and your goal? Well, don't ask me because I have no answers for you. However, I do have 10 questions that you can ask yourself to determine if you even want to risk setting foot outside the front door:

  1. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya? The day could be the greatest in your brief history. The most wonderful day ever experienced before you shuffle off this mortal coil. But probably not. Think about it. Do you really want to risk it?
  2. Remember your warm cozy bed that you just dragged yourself out of? It's not too late. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
  3. You remember that excited feeling in the pit of your stomach on the first day of school? Yeah? Well, that's not what's going on down there right now. Could be an attack of nervous diahhrea going on, though. Better stay indoors until it passes.
  4. What happened yesterday? Was it good or bad? Well, today could go either way, too. Word.
  5. Freak accidents occur everyday to people you don't know. Do you know anyone in China? Well, this morning little May-ling said to herself: "Freak accidents occur every day to people I don't know. For instance, I don't know anyone in..(insert the name of your town)".
  6. What's the worst thing that could happen to me? Have you ever seen any of the Final Destination movies?
  7. Is it really worth all the trouble? After all, just about anything can be delivered right to your door. Sometimes in 30 minutes or less.
  8. Do I really need this job? Why go to all that trouble of applying, interviewing and dressing up every day just so you can hand over your pay to the landlord and utility companies when you can live rent free in your parent's basement?
  9. Is it too late to drop out of those college classes? Can you spell disestablishmentarianism? Or what about: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Now, if you can say words that long, whaddya need college for? And finally:
  10. How did I get here? No, this is not a rhetorical or philosophical question. What I mean is that you partied way too hard last night, and you can't remember where you are, let alone how you got here. Now, you're standing at the open door with a sign taped to the back of your pants and a headache the size of Cleveland. The sun is shining and it's 90 degrees! Carpe Diem, friend!


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