10 Things That Are Better Than Anime

If this isn't anime, it's better than anime.
If this isn't anime, it's better than anime.

Ten Things That Are Better Than Anime

Editor's Note: Throughout their long and mostly productive lives, the authors have never actually watched more than a few seconds of anime, unless you count Speed Racer, which seemed really cool at the time and may or may not actually be anime or some other substandard animation style. It's quite an interesting topic. Please don't be offended, but feel free to skip to the all-time best amine quotes if you prefer. We are here to help, not hinder.

Bugs Bunny 1, anime 0.
Bugs Bunny 1, anime 0.

Thing 1 : Bugs Bunny

Almost as wonderful as a terabyte hard drive, Bugs Bunny cartoons set the standard for subtle humor and human misery at all levels of animation. Elmer Fudd's epic struggle to save his carrot crop still resonates in the minds of NRA members and factory farmers throughout the rural American South. Our hapless anti-hero hunter somehow managed to miss a rabbit with his shotgun. We wonder if he understood proper gun safety. The next time you try to kill an ant with a fly swatter, run over a soda can with a steam roller, or waste an hour of time watching anime, give a nod to Bugs and Friends.

You'd have gotten away with it, if not for these meddling kids.
You'd have gotten away with it, if not for these meddling kids.

Thing 2 - Scooby-Doo!

Before the era of crime-fighting OCD detectives, crime-fighting forensic anthropologists, crime fighting biologists, and crime-fighting newlywed left-handed computer technicians from American Samoa, we were blessed with Scooby Doo and his band of brothers. Many copies were inspired. The Scooby Doo franchise raised problem solving canine characters to an art form. Ask yourself: how many anime guest appearances have the Harlem Globetrotters made? Case closed.

Saving the world, one elementary school at a time.
Saving the world, one elementary school at a time.

Thing 3 - Powerpuff Girls

Billions of dollars and yen and drachma are spent each year in futile attempts to enable girls. Girls are encouraged to study engineering. Girls are told they can achieve anything. Girls are given tote bags and T-shirts emblazoned with trendy empowerment slogans. They need to be just a little more equal than everyone else.

All this time and effort can be replaced with a few strategic episodes of the Powerpuff girls. Boys may also learn a powerful lesson from Buttercup, Bubbles, and Blossom: mess with a chick and she will punch you through a wall without mussing her ponytail. The sooner we all learn that lesson, the sooner we can get back to our anime.

Thing 4 - Laser Engraved Coffee Mug with I Love Yogurt

Nature's two perfect food products converge in this convenient ceramic container. Quench your coffee addiction while concurrently informing cubicle-mates of your yogurt affectation. If you must, feel free to watch anime at the same time. No one will judge you.

Thing 5 - Hello Kitty Toaster

Meow. Does your toast taste funny? Do you feel like your toast is lacking some essential toast quality that could propel it from a simple breakfast adjunct into a dedicated segment of the USDA food pyramid?

A Hello Kitty toaster may be just enough to tear you away from your morning anime and set you on a path of nutritional cuteness. Choose from a single slice or a parallel toasting process resulting in dual slices.

Cosby hot, anime not.
Cosby hot, anime not.

Thing 6 - Fat Albert

Name one anime featuring a fat kid with a posse who lives in the inner city. Name one anime that earned Bill Cosby a PhD from University of Massachusetts. Can you suggest a single anime that appeared for 12 years on CBS Saturday morning television, entertaining millions of children as they chewed their Sugar Pops and slurped their Ovaltine? We didn't think so.

Thing 7 - Rubber Ball

It's round and it bounces. You throw it, you catch it. You take it outside (where the sun is). Yes, it's a ball. Back in the day, sentient humans 'played' with round rubber objects that didn't require batteries, broadband connections, or iTunes subscriptions. Bill Cosby played with balls. Justin Bieber, probably not.

Thing 8 - Pink Panther

How many anime characters have inspired home improvement products? The good folks at Owens Corning adopted Mr. Panther as their ubiquitous spokesfeline in order to sell pink fiberglass insulating products to children, we think.

Thing 9 - Wheel of Fortune

It's on television, so it's competing with anime episodes on numerous obscure cable channels. Invented by Merv Griffin after a marathon session of hangman with his deep-thinking Hollywood associates, The Wheel of Fortune game show inspires millions of viewers around the world to turn off their amine and solve word puzzles along with over-excited contestants.

Turn on the TV every evening at about 7PM: there it is. You can't look away and you can't focus on everyday tasks as long as Wheel of Fortune is on the air.

Thing 10 - The Writings of Douglas Adams

Have you ever been hard-pressed to come up with a number? Here's a tip: 42 is always the answer. When in doubt, simply blurt out "42": your anime-watching friends will have no clue, but your well-read friends who favor humorous science fiction epics from British authors will smile knowingly.

It's not amine because one must actually read words combined into sentences bundled into paragraphs merged into chapters. It all fits together, trust us. Douglas Adams will replace anime in your heart.

More by this Author


Comments 26 comments

ruminator profile image

ruminator 6 years ago from Big Skies, NM

Hey Nicomp - another brilliant, funny, satirical and lively article - 42!


Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 6 years ago from The Ozarks

Hey, wasn't there a hub with the same title by Anime Nanet?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@ruminator : Thanks! Don't panic: 42 solves many sticky problems.

@Aya Katz : Absolutely not. Anime Nanet only had 7 things and his hub was much better than this nonsense.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

Nicomp,

Thanks for a very informative hub. As for the Cosby-Bieber comparison, it's like the old military saying smoke 'em if ya' got 'em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Tom Whitworth : In the words of Fat Albert: "Hey Hey Hey!"


vinividivici profile image

vinividivici 6 years ago

it reminds me the generation gap.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@vinividivici : Scooby Doo!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - you have won my heart again with this clever hub and the mention of my heroes, the Harlem Globetrotters.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: Globetrotters + Scooby Doo = Must See TV. :)


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

I agree with vinividivici, the generation gap is alive and well!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dallas93444: Have you every watched a Scooby Doo marathon?


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

No, my age is showing! I confess ignorance... I have never watched a complete cartoon segment... Perhaps it is part of my idiosyncrasy of never playing a single game on a computer, with one exception: "Pong!"


asdfadsfads 5 years ago

amine


anime_nanet profile image

anime_nanet 5 years ago from Portugal

LoL im glad that my hubs are providing Nicomp with inspiration. Good job on the Anime Quotes and Sayings too :D


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@anime_nanet: to each, his own! Thank you for having a sense of humor. :)


ona profile image

ona 5 years ago

Love your hub. Alot of what you said is not only humorous but also true yet, I must confess that I love anime just as much as I love all the items on your top 10 list.


Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state

Heck yes, Douglas Adams!


Zelkiiro profile image

Zelkiiro 3 years ago

I'm a huge anime nerd, but I find it hard to disagree with #1, 3, and 10.


SpeakUpStandOut profile image

SpeakUpStandOut 3 years ago from Southern California

Niiiice! I think that engraved mug is a great idea! :P


Beth 53 profile image

Beth 53 3 years ago from Richmond, Va.

Thanks for the laugh!


Desmith3 profile image

Desmith3 3 years ago from Tallapoosa, GA.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Desmith3 : I miss those dolphins...


Springboard profile image

Springboard 3 years ago from Wisconsin

I haven't been round these parts in a while, but I see you are still up to your old tricks. Great stuff. All better than anime by leaps and bounds. This hub, in fact, is better than all things, including anime.

Okay, maybe that's stretching it just a little bit... ;p

Can I just say, "Internet modeling," and be done with it?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

"Internet modeling," yes. yes.

And by the way: "Internet modeling"


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 3 years ago from Midwest

It's been too long nicomp... I got a few smiles and a laugh or two reading through your stuff - like this one. Hope you are doing well.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JBeadle, good to hear from you. I'm mostly shut down on this site... earnings down to nil and stifling rules after 4 years of loyalty... moved over to BubbleWs where I can write what I want and sometimes I even get paid!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working