10 Ways to Pamper Your Cat - by the Cat

Cats Deserve to Be Pampered

Cats are born knowing they deserve to be pampered. They are master of their domains, claiming the softest laps, the warmest spots in the sun and the best views from the heights of the top of the refrigerator. Some cat owners, however, need instruction in the basic rules of cat pampering. Here, straight from the expert's mouth is everything you need to know on how to properly pamper a cat.

~~ Stephanie Henkel

Gemini, The Cat

Gemini
Gemini | Source

Ten Ways to Pamper Your Cat

Written by the cat, Gemini, King of the World

They call me “Gemini”, but my full name is “Gemini, King of the World.” I’m ruler of the house, the RV and the front porch and anything I can see from there. My life is full of responsibility. I keep the birds in line and the rodents at bay. I guard our territory from invaders like the big ugly fluffy guy across the street and the halfwit dog next door. They all respect me because they know I’m a killer and a Ninja. I can shred a dog’s nose with one swipe of my razor sharp claws. I can terrorize the fluffy guy with my fierce growl. Besides this, I’m very beautiful. Do I not deserve to be pampered?

Trying to Teach an Old Human New Tricks!

It took a few years, but I finally have my people trained. For humans, they were fairly quick learners, and they now anticipate most of my needs before I am forced to punish them by puking up hairballs where they will step in them in the middle of the night. They aren’t particularly bright, but they have good hearts.

My main person, Mama, can’t even catch a mouse! (She likes when I call her “Mama”, but I like to think of her as the Guardian of the Refrigerator.) Don’t get me wrong, I really like Mama. She has a nice cozy, soft lap, especially when she wears that blue fuzzy bathrobe, and she feeds me whenever I ask. I’ve trained her to open the door so that the sun shines in on my favorite rug in the morning, and she shares her bed with me at night. My only problem with Mama is that laptop computer that is always on my place in her lap. Humph!

Then, I figured, as long as she’s fooling with the doggone thing all the time, I might as well have her do something useful for me and the rest of CatKind. So I’m having her type this new hub on 10 ways to pamper your cat.

Now pay attention here, because obviously, some of you have a few things to learn about cat pampering… Sigh… they say old humans can’t learn new tricks, but you can try…

Cats Deserve To Be Pampered

Source

1. Cats Deserve To Be Pampered!

The first thing to remember is that CATS DESERVE TO BE PAMPERED! You do not have a common dog here, people! When you have the privilege of living with a King of the World, you need to learn how to pamper properly, and without complaint!

2. Feed Cats Only the Finest Foods.

Forget that dry stuff. Except for those tasty little kitty treats that cost $3 for 4 oz., dry cat food is just plain boring! And we don’t like the cheap canned stuff either! If you have to resort to canned food instead of homemade, at least get the gourmet varieties that cost $1.00 a can or more! Personally, I like chicken and a little seafood now and then – not too dry, not too runny.

3. Make Homemade Soup for the Cat.

I REALLY like homemade soup! The juice from the can of tuna is good, too. If you don’t have that, just cook up some fish with a little water. I also like chicken soup. Actually, I prefer raw chicken, but Mama never feeds me the raw stuff I like ever since I puked on her fuzzy slippers.

I have trained her to make some pretty good soup, though! The one thing I can’t get her to make is mouse soup. No matter how many fresh mice I bring her, she just won’t cook ‘em up. I even put a nice plump one on her pillow once. Even though it was all ready to cook with the head neatly chewed off, she just threw it out. AND she said bad words. How rude!

A Nice Fleece Throw to Line the Cat's Basket

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4. Get Plenty of Fleece Blankets.

Fleece blankets are good. All cats like fleece blankets. I like one in my basket, and another one on the end of the couch where I like to sleep. Don’t forget to shake them out regularly, because I hate to lie on bits of kitty litter. Oh, and the fleece blanket should be in flattering colors so that when I lay on it, I look really good! My color is red. I really look good on red.

5. Play Soothing Music.

Some humans think that cats don’t care about music, but that’s not true. I love music if it’s the right stuff. Mama knows that I really like Dolly Parton – she has such a sweet voice! And for quiet afternoon naps, a little Mozart is good. Play it softly so as not to disturb my kitty dreams. Never, Never, Never play Hank Williams, Jr. And PLEASE let me out of the house if you’re going to play the dog-awful Polish polka music like Mama does sometimes when she’s in a good mood!

Keep Visiting Dogs Away

Gemini makes sure that dog doesn't come back...
Gemini makes sure that dog doesn't come back... | Source

6. Litter Boxes Should Always Be Clean.

Even if I go outdoors, I still want my litter box to be clean! You want your bathroom clean even if you use a public restroom now and then, don’t you? Clean, clean, clean! And please, can I have some privacy?

7. NEVER, NEVER Invite Strange Dogs or Cats into the House!

My house, my people, my turf! My food, my people, my toys, my fleece blanket! Mine, mine, MINE! You would think they’d learn after I drew blood on the last German Shepard who visited. Hahaha! That dog was so scared, she wet her pants! I almost felt bad about clawing her nose. But you can’t always be Mr. Nice Guy.

I'd Love a Heated Cat Bed for Christmas!

8. Do NOT EVER Close the Doors to the Bedroom or Bathroom.

Cats need to range freely in the house. If you’re in there, I need to be able to see what you’re doing. If I’m in there with you, I might have to check on the rest of the family or my food dish, or my litter box. In fact, don’t close any doors. I like to check the closets for soft places to sleep, and I need to get in and out whenever I want.

9. Provide Plenty of Warmth.

Cats need lots of warmth. Forget those energy saving measures. Turn up the heat, light the fireplace. Let in the sunshine. Let the cat cuddle up on a warm lap or next to you in bed. Mama even lets me get under the covers when I’m chilly, though she grumbles if I purr too loud. P.S. I really would like one of those heated cat beds for Christmas!

Who Pampers Their Cats?

Do You Pamper Your Cat?

  • Yes, of course!
  • No, I don't
  • I don't have a cat, but if I did, I'd pamper it.
  • I don't have a cat and don't think I'd pamper it if I did have one.
See results without voting

10. Never, never, NEVER Vacuum!

Throw the vacuum cleaner out! Cats hate the vacuum. I hate the vacuum! There’s a good reason for this, people! The vacuum cleaner is EVIL. It makes a horrible noise and can suck you right up. Kittens have disappeared into it. It can eat your food. It ate up my favorite catnip mouse (though it did choke on it…hahaha). It can suck the fur off your body. Get rid of it, now! I hate the vacuum cleaner! It gives me bad dreams and makes me all jumpy.

Gemini, King of the World

Source

Remember, The Cat Comes First!

These are just a few things you need to pay attention to when you live with a cat. Just remember, the CAT COMES FIRST! If you are creative and think hard, you can probably think of lots of other ways to pamper a Cat just like Mama does.
~ Gemini, King of the World ~

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Feel free to share this with your friends who need instruction in how to pamper a cat, but please do not reprint for commercial purposes! Gemini gets really ticked off when someone tries to steal his work!
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©2011 Stephanie Henkel

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These cat houses and climinbing trees are the Cat's Meow!

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Comments 198 comments

Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

Jenn-Annre - Oh, definitely keep an eye on that cat. If he's already trying to kill you, it's only a matter of time before he resorts to on-line hitmen! :)


Jenn-Anne profile image

Jenn-Anne 2 years ago

I knew it was only a matter of time before cats started writing hubs. Really I should have seen this coming. Time for me to update my hub on what to do if your cat is trying to kill you with a new section - what to do if your cat has mastered the computer and is attempting to hire a hitman online. In the meantime I'll recommend everyone pamper their cats as much as possible - it's safer that way!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

DreamerMeg - I'm glad that Gemini's hub made you aware of some of the little known needs of a pampered cat! :) Thanks so much for stopping in to read and comment!


DreamerMeg profile image

DreamerMeg 2 years ago from Northern Ireland

Lovely hub. Gosh, I never realised that my cat wanted me to make her mouse soup and probably even bird soup, though she has had the chicken from chicken soup!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

Mary615 - LOL! Yes, I know a nice homemade mouse soup would be a delightful treat for my pampered cat! Thanks for stopping in!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

Daisy Mariposa - Yes, if you're liking "attitude", you have to love cats! :)


mary615 profile image

mary615 2 years ago from Florida

I don't own a cat, but my dog is certainly pampered! This is such a clever Hub. I just don't understand why you don't make your cat some nice mouse soup??

Voted UP, etc. and shared.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Stephanie,

I returned to read your terrific article another time. I don't own a cat, but I've always loved the *attitude* they seem to have.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

Jane Arden - Well, my cats certainly think they deserve all the pampering they can get! Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!


Jane Arden 2 years ago

Excellent Hub... Just how a kitty should be treated.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA Author

Thank you for your kind comments, Vellur! As you can see, my pampered cat has me well trained!


Vellur profile image

Vellur 2 years ago from Dubai

Great hub, enjoyed reading it. You definitely know what a cat needs and loves. A unique and creative hub, voted up.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 3 years ago from USA Author

Midget38 - As you can see, my Gemini has me trained very well. He does get all the pampering he thinks he's entitled to! Glad this made you smile...thanks for the read and the share!


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

Oh, yes. Cats certainly deserve to be pampered! Funny, Stephanie, and I'm sharing this for all cat lovers!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Jennize - My Gemini is definitely a very smart kitty and had learned all the tricks of ruling our house! Thanks so much for your comment and complements!


DMVmimay 4 years ago

its nice to know about this Stephanie. cats here in our house is like my younger sister, they are really deserve to treat with excessive indulgence. you did funny on this hub, thanks for sharing.


jennzie profile image

jennzie 4 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

Gemini seems like a very smart kitty. I'll have to remember these tips with my feline rulers of the house. Awesome hub!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Hi Daisy Mariposa - I've own cats all my life, and they all have had that royal "right to be pampered" attitude! But we cat lovers just serve on demand. :) Thank you for your comments!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Sunshine625 - Time flies when you're having fun at HubPages!


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Stephanie,

I love your idea of writing the article from Gemini's perspective. What a clever thing to do.

I don't own a cat, but I know a few people who do. Every cat I've ever met wanted to be pampered. You can't blame, can you?


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    Stephanie Henkel profile image

    Stephanie Henkel1,393 Followers
    149 Articles

    Currently sharing her RV travel with two cats, Stephanie is a lifelong cat lover, enjoying their independence, intelligence and quirkiness.



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