10 Ways to Pamper Your Cat - by the Cat
Cats Deserve to Be Pampered
Cats are born knowing they deserve to be pampered. They are master of their domains, claiming the softest laps, the warmest spots in the sun and the best views from the heights of the top of the refrigerator. Some cat owners, however, need instruction in the basic rules of cat pampering. Here, straight from the expert's mouth is everything you need to know on how to properly pamper a cat.
~~ Stephanie Henkel
Gemini, The Cat
Ten Ways to Pamper Your Cat
Written by the cat, Gemini, King of the World
They call me “Gemini”, but my full name is “Gemini, King of the World.” I’m ruler of the house, the RV and the front porch and anything I can see from there. My life is full of responsibility. I keep the birds in line and the rodents at bay. I guard our territory from invaders like the big ugly fluffy guy across the street and the halfwit dog next door. They all respect me because they know I’m a killer and a Ninja. I can shred a dog’s nose with one swipe of my razor sharp claws. I can terrorize the fluffy guy with my fierce growl. Besides this, I’m very beautiful. Do I not deserve to be pampered?
Trying to Teach an Old Human New Tricks!
It took a few years, but I finally have my people trained. For humans, they were fairly quick learners, and they now anticipate most of my needs before I am forced to punish them by puking up hairballs where they will step in them in the middle of the night. They aren’t particularly bright, but they have good hearts.
My main person, Mama, can’t even catch a mouse! (She likes when I call her “Mama”, but I like to think of her as the Guardian of the Refrigerator.) Don’t get me wrong, I really like Mama. She has a nice cozy, soft lap, especially when she wears that blue fuzzy bathrobe, and she feeds me whenever I ask. I’ve trained her to open the door so that the sun shines in on my favorite rug in the morning, and she shares her bed with me at night. My only problem with Mama is that laptop computer that is always on my place in her lap. Humph!
Then, I figured, as long as she’s fooling with the doggone thing all the time, I might as well have her do something useful for me and the rest of CatKind. So I’m having her type this new hub on 10 ways to pamper your cat.
Now pay attention here, because obviously, some of you have a few things to learn about cat pampering… Sigh… they say old humans can’t learn new tricks, but you can try…
Cats Deserve To Be Pampered
1. Cats Deserve To Be Pampered!
The first thing to remember is that CATS DESERVE TO BE PAMPERED! You do not have a common dog here, people! When you have the privilege of living with a King of the World, you need to learn how to pamper properly, and without complaint!
2. Feed Cats Only the Finest Foods.
Forget that dry stuff. Except for those tasty little kitty treats that cost $3 for 4 oz., dry cat food is just plain boring! And we don’t like the cheap canned stuff either! If you have to resort to canned food instead of homemade, at least get the gourmet varieties that cost $1.00 a can or more! Personally, I like chicken and a little seafood now and then – not too dry, not too runny.
3. Make Homemade Soup for the Cat.
I REALLY like homemade soup! The juice from the can of tuna is good, too. If you don’t have that, just cook up some fish with a little water. I also like chicken soup. Actually, I prefer raw chicken, but Mama never feeds me the raw stuff I like ever since I puked on her fuzzy slippers.
I have trained her to make some pretty good soup, though! The one thing I can’t get her to make is mouse soup. No matter how many fresh mice I bring her, she just won’t cook ‘em up. I even put a nice plump one on her pillow once. Even though it was all ready to cook with the head neatly chewed off, she just threw it out. AND she said bad words. How rude!
A Nice Fleece Throw to Line the Cat's Basket
4. Get Plenty of Fleece Blankets.
Fleece blankets are good. All cats like fleece blankets. I like one in my basket, and another one on the end of the couch where I like to sleep. Don’t forget to shake them out regularly, because I hate to lie on bits of kitty litter. Oh, and the fleece blanket should be in flattering colors so that when I lay on it, I look really good! My color is red. I really look good on red.
5. Play Soothing Music.
Some humans think that cats don’t care about music, but that’s not true. I love music if it’s the right stuff. Mama knows that I really like Dolly Parton – she has such a sweet voice! And for quiet afternoon naps, a little Mozart is good. Play it softly so as not to disturb my kitty dreams. Never, Never, Never play Hank Williams, Jr. And PLEASE let me out of the house if you’re going to play the dog-awful Polish polka music like Mama does sometimes when she’s in a good mood!
Keep Visiting Dogs Away
6. Litter Boxes Should Always Be Clean.
Even if I go outdoors, I still want my litter box to be clean! You want your bathroom clean even if you use a public restroom now and then, don’t you? Clean, clean, clean! And please, can I have some privacy?
7. NEVER, NEVER Invite Strange Dogs or Cats into the House!
My house, my people, my turf! My food, my people, my toys, my fleece blanket! Mine, mine, MINE! You would think they’d learn after I drew blood on the last German Shepard who visited. Hahaha! That dog was so scared, she wet her pants! I almost felt bad about clawing her nose. But you can’t always be Mr. Nice Guy.
A Private Litter Box
I'd Love a Heated Cat Bed for Christmas!
8. Do NOT EVER Close the Doors to the Bedroom or Bathroom.
Cats need to range freely in the house. If you’re in there, I need to be able to see what you’re doing. If I’m in there with you, I might have to check on the rest of the family or my food dish, or my litter box. In fact, don’t close any doors. I like to check the closets for soft places to sleep, and I need to get in and out whenever I want.
9. Provide Plenty of Warmth.
Cats need lots of warmth. Forget those energy saving measures. Turn up the heat, light the fireplace. Let in the sunshine. Let the cat cuddle up on a warm lap or next to you in bed. Mama even lets me get under the covers when I’m chilly, though she grumbles if I purr too loud. P.S. I really would like one of those heated cat beds for Christmas!
Who Pampers Their Cats?
Do You Pamper Your Cat?See results without voting
10. Never, never, NEVER Vacuum!
Throw the vacuum cleaner out! Cats hate the vacuum. I hate the vacuum! There’s a good reason for this, people! The vacuum cleaner is EVIL. It makes a horrible noise and can suck you right up. Kittens have disappeared into it. It can eat your food. It ate up my favorite catnip mouse (though it did choke on it…hahaha). It can suck the fur off your body. Get rid of it, now! I hate the vacuum cleaner! It gives me bad dreams and makes me all jumpy.
Gemini, King of the World
Remember, The Cat Comes First!
These are just a few things you need to pay attention to when you live with a cat. Just remember, the CAT COMES FIRST! If you are creative and think hard, you can probably think of lots of other ways to pamper a Cat just like Mama does.
~ Gemini, King of the World ~
Feel free to share this with your friends who need instruction in how to pamper a cat, but please do not reprint for commercial purposes! Gemini gets really ticked off when someone tries to steal his work!
©2011 Stephanie Henkel
More Cat Hubs by Stephanie Henkel - Featuring Gemini
- Gemini My Psychic Cat ~ My Cat Calls to Me Across the Miles
This is a story of a special cat, Gemini. Is he a telephathic or psychic cat? His owner thinks he is. Also read here for great tips on how to find a lost cat.
- A Cat's Guide to Happiness ~ What We Can Learn from Our Cats
Gemini enjoys a little fresh catnip right out of his garden. Cats are born knowing the secrets of happiness. Of all the creatures on earth, cats know from kittenhood how to live life to its fullest. Cats play...
- Traveling With Cats in RV or Car
Traveling with a cat can be a good experience for both the cat and his owner if a few commonsense guidelines are followed. We learned to make some special travel preparations for our cats and they have adapted well to travel by car and by RV. Here ar
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