101 Signs That You Might Be A Villain



1. Black is your favorite color.

2. It’s more fun to make children cry than to make them smile.

3. You just can’t seem to get those bloodstains out.

4. You compulsively rub your hands together, laugh crazily and grin maniacally.

5. You don’t play well with others.

6. It’s not a party unless the authorities show up.

7. You feel there is no line between genius and madness.

8. You’ve drawn up plans for a death ray

9. When people greet you, you respond by tipping a nod and acknowledging them as “slave.”

10. You have the heads of your enemies mounted on your wall.

11. You get a kick out of bending others to your will.

12. You equate inflicting collateral damage with scoring bonus points.

13. Every time you finish a big project, disaster relief gets called.

14. You find “being good” to be just a little too limiting.

15. You plan to live forever (or take the whole world with you when you go.)

16. You get a kick out of planning (and conducting) invasions.

17. You have minions to do your bidding (and your laundry.)

18. You use some products specifically because you know that they’re bad for the environment.

19. You’re the kind of person that mothers warn their kids about.

20. You believe in doing unto others before they do unto you.

21. On Halloween, you dress normal.

22. Your “wurst” enemies are now your best sausages.

23. Rainy, dreary days are your idea of fabulous weather.

24. You’re more at home among the dead than the living.

25. You watch crime shows to learn from others’ failures.

26. Your friends refer to you as “the dark lord.”

27. You think horns make a great addition to any outfit.

28. You equate torture with foreplay.

29. Your favorite dish is composed of brains (or blood.)

30. You regularly try to summon Cthulhu (or at least Azathoth.)

31. You’ve gone over to the dark side (and stolen all their cookies!)

32. You’ve written your own Necronomicon.

33. Your living room is always covered in plastic.

34. You talk to your mirror. . . and it talks back.

35. You’ve seen the inside of a prison cell more than once. . . but never for long.

36. You spend some nights polishing your skull collection

37. You’re always looking for new victims.

38. You like to keep your nails pointy.

39. The first command you train any pet to perform is “KILL!”

40. You like to spoil yourself with a nice, warm, candle-lit bloodbath sometimes.

41. You leave the ridiculous costumes (and the underwear on the outside of your pants) for the so-called “heroes.”

42. You come from a long line of evildoers.

43. Stealing candy from a baby is all in a day’s work.

44. You make a habit of destroying all who oppose you.

45. It’s always better to do things under cover of darkness.

46. You get a kick out of blocking all the exits to a building and then setting fire to it.

47. You don’t wait for karma to catch up with someone, you just curse them directly.

48. Guns don’t kill people, YOU do.

49. You believe that love is a pesky emotion meant for the weak.

50. Sometimes you poke people. . . just to check for weak spots.

51. The smallest things in life are often also the most fun to crush.

52. It’s all fun and games once someone gets hurt.

53. You never miss an opportunity to step on someone’s toes.

54. When people ask you where you’re from, you hint at your southern ancestry. Your *deep* southern ancestry.

55. You think of eyepatches as an ordinary fashion accessory.

56. Your personal mantra is something like “steal from everybody, give to myself.”

57. You tend to give sharks and laywers a certain amount of professional courtesy.

58. All it takes to start a party are some matches and a can of gasoline.

59. You take relationship tips from Bluebeard.

60. You find the nickname “old battleaxe” to be comfortable and endearing.

61. You have no problem taking what you want and leaving the rest for the suckers.

62. Parents scare their kids at night with tales of your exploits.

63. When someone mentions a horrific tragedy, you claim full responsibility for it. “Yeah, that was me.”

64. You feel that old lovers are great targets for practicing your assassination skills on.

65. You feel that bread and water are too generous a meal for anyone that you throw behind bars.

66. You feel compelled to visit the sponsors below (and support the creation of future articles by this same vile author!)

67. You sleep best after a long, hard day of evil.

68. You despise all you see.

69. Your playlist includes songs by Wagner.

70. You’ve perfected the Hitler mustache (or a goatee)

71. You take fashion cues from Vader.

72. You have (or dream of having) a volcano lair.

73. You have a nemesis who others look up to (as if he/she were a hero, bah!)

74. Some nights, all you do is plot.

75. “What’s black and white and red all over” sounds more like a fashion question than the opener of a joke.

76. You enjoy playing with unstable explosives.

77. You believe in safety last.

78. You prefer sticks and stones to words (especially when your enemies are involved!)

79. Instead of picnicking in the park, you have a barbeque in the cemetery.

80. Your favorite animals to hunt are the endangered ones.

81. You habitually spike your friends’ drinks with various poisons.

82. You run with scissors (at the pool!)

83. You keep a funeral dirge as your ringtone.

84. When accessorizing, you prefer “something with blades.”

85. You see backstabbing as a sport in and of itself.

86. You find others’ lack of faith disturbing.

87. You don’t work harder than your opponents, you kill them and reap the fruit of their labors.

88. You sleep in a coffin.

89. You compose orchestras where the only instrument is the sweet sound of screams.

90. You’ve gotten quite good at brainwashing.

91. The grim reaper is your favorite uncle.

92. You have a special place in your heart for black leather and rubber gloves.

93. You can kill people with your brain.

94. You don’t worship satan, satan worships you.

95. You support war and anarchy (because a house divided against itself is easier to conquer!)

96. You’re always looking for new evils to try, new devils to dance with and new sins to sample.

97. A price on your head is always the sincerest form of flattery.

98. Your parents had to hang a porkchop around your neck as a child just to get the dog to play with you.

99. Recreational, do-it-yourself home surgery is one of your favorite pastimes.

100. Sometimes you glow in funny (possibly radioactive) colors.

101. You always have pesky do-gooders and heroes trying to stop you and your nefarious plans!

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Comments 11 comments

robie2 profile image

robie2 6 years ago from Central New Jersey

Help-- it looks like I am definitely a villain. Is there a support group for villains?????


Earl S. Wynn profile image

Earl S. Wynn 6 years ago from California Author

The only one I know of is in Sacramento, and its growing like crazy! :D

http://sacvillains.com/


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hi Earl, great funny hub! I'm definitely not a villain.. I don't sleep in a coffin!

Have a nice day!

Rosie


Maleficent Blameworthy 6 years ago

Earl, you have a Masterful Way with words, and I am sure, small explosives.....


Earl S. Wynn profile image

Earl S. Wynn 6 years ago from California Author

Thank you, my friend! :)


vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 6 years ago from New York State

what can i say, you brought out the villan in me. Great write, enjoyed it, I give you a thumbs up.


DizzyLizzy profile image

DizzyLizzy 6 years ago from Canada

I want a minion to do my laundry!!! Great Hub :)


Extinct Soul profile image

Extinct Soul 6 years ago from 14°35'N 121°0'E

i'm a self-confessed villain...but no, my living room isn't covered in plastic...hahaha

Nice hub!


saurabhpande23c profile image

saurabhpande23c 4 years ago from India

Being a villain is not my greatest talent. But, as Jude Nelson says

I like being a villain. Villains are more exciting. hahaha

I am kind of looking forward to read all of your hubs. You writing seems to be different and interesting.


Earl S. Wynn profile image

Earl S. Wynn 4 years ago from California Author

Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback! :)


mathira profile image

mathira 4 years ago from chennai

Well, very very villain like.

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