14 Reasons Why I Would Be Very Uncomfortable Around Larry The Cable Guy

In today's sensitive, cultured and educated society, a hefty man stands bravely-alone saying things like, "Git 'R Done," "Lord, forgimme for saying that--and bless the Pigmyes in Africa," and "I heard that." By all social standards, he is a bona fide redneck, but a very wealthy redneck with a personal worth of over 60 million dollars made from tours, book sales, films and touring with comedy icons: Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Ron White in the famous Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

Larry the Cable Guy, or Daniel Lawrence, is proud to entertain audiences young and old with his perfectly-told stories and catch-phrases that almost everyone of every age can quote word-for-word. Lawrence enjoys his work so much that it shows in that mischievous smile on his face while taking over each stage he walks on. I would be smiling too if my name were a household word and I had so much money I would only work when "I" chose to.

Larry the Cable Guy

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• Daniel Lawrence "Larry" Whitney (born February 17, 1963) best known by his stage name and character Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, and former radio personality.[3] Despite his stage name, he has never worked for a cable company in any capacity. He was one of the members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which included Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Jeff Foxworthy (with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV).
• Whitney has released seven comedy albums, of which three have been certified gold by the RIAA for shipments of 500,000 copies. In addition, he has starred in three Blue Collar Comedy Tour–related movies, as well as in the films Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and Witless Protection, as well as voicing Mater in the Cars franchise. Whitney's catchphrase: "Git-R-Done!" is also the title of his book.
• On January 26, 2010, the TV channel History announced that it was ordering a series starring Whitney called Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy, in which he would explore the country and immerse himself in different lifestyles, jobs and hobbies.[4] The first episode of the series aired on February 8, 2011.[5] The series finale aired August 28, 2013.

And for the anti-establishment and non-politically-correct, Larry The Cable Guy is nothing short of a modern-day Will Rogers speaking his mind on subjects like health food, buffets, family members, and culture. If it gets a good laugh, Larry doesn't fear presenting it on stage or in film. That's just how he rolls. And America loves him.

If you judge Larry's success by the success he's enjoying, you would be wrong. His huge meteoric-success is only evolving due to his years of doing cheap gigs and some just for groceries. Lawrence knows all about going hungry and wondering how his next meal will come. But in all of the dues he's paid, he never complained. Just smiled "that" smile and kept on rocking audiences filled with fans from all points and directions in America.

Here it comes. If you are a reader of my materials, you just have to know that this is a lead-in to a title that might upset you and you might get your hair up at me, and I understand that. This is not a knock on Larry The Cable Guy, but yours truly. Through it all, I had rather put myself "through the wringer" than someone else. On that one final day of what we call life, and I kneel before the Almighty God with a book of my life in His hands, He will see the times that I spared others and bombarded myself with honest slurs and comical barbs. I just hope I see a smile on that glowing face of His.

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14 Reasons Why I Would Be Very Uncomfortable Around Larry The Cable Guy

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14.) Larry is so funny on stage that I fear that I would believe he is that way in real life. So when I sit down to talk to him, I will see a serious-minded performer with a cell phone to his ear yakking to his agent, press agent and lawyer all on a conference call. I do not like for my illusions to be destroyed.

13.) I know that Larry loves fishing and other outdoor sports, well, I do not. I cannot even talk about weights of fishing lines, various makes of hunting guns and camping equipment and I imagine that Larry would be bored quickly at my non-knowledge of what he loves, and make some excuse as to why he suddenly has to leave.

12.) The fear would be obvious that I would not understand those double-meaning jokes he writes and he would be offended and my welcome, although short, would be used up.

11.) While talking to Larry, his wife, Cara, might come onto the outside porch where we are talking and ask me, "Who are you and what do you do?" With the answers I reply, I might as well be getting my car keys out of my pocket and be moseying to my car. Larry was once unknown years ago, but not anymore, so what would he have in common with me?

10.) In order to not offend Larry, I would act as if I loved riding 4-wheelers when he asked me about going for a ride on his ATV's (all terrain vehicles). Soon, Larry would be snapping with frustration at seeing me fall off my machine, letting it stall and yelling "It's going to eat me alive, and call it a day. I would not wonder why Larry stopped talking to me all the way back to his lavish home.

9.) Then it would be "story time," that evening with Larry and myself sitting in his huge living room along with his wife, kids, and a few celebrities he hangs out with, there to enjoy the sharing of our stories. Who am I kidding? I have no stories that would compare to Larry's endless supply of adventure tales. So why didn't I write " . . .there to enjoy Larry's stories?"

8.) Then as if it came from a well-written Hollywood script, one of his huge dogs runs up to me and bites my leg until the blood spews. As I grimace with pain, Larry laughs and tells his dog, "Go on. Bite the other leg. That way he will have a matching pair of scars."

7.) Later in the night, Larry starts talking about the power brokers and promoters in Hollywood leaving me in his dust. I only sit there looking stupid when he asks me, "Yew know ol' Steinway over at MGM right?" I would be too humiliated to say a word.

6.) If Larry were to ask me where I live, I would have to fake a trip to his bathroom for not wanting to admit to living in a NO-horse town like Hamilton, Ala., where I really live.

5.) Another dramatic surprise occurs just when I think I can head home. Larry's Blue Collar Comedy friends, Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White and Bill Engvall pay Larry a surprise visit. Sweat is now pouring from my body at all of these real celebrities hanging with Larry. So far none of them have asked me where I live and I think I have it made. That is until Jeff Foxworthy is his nasal tone says, "Larry, who's this bum?" Everyone laughs. Larry explains that I was just there to talk with him. Everyone laughs. And it goes that way for two hours. They ask something about me. Everyone laughs. Fact is, I am being used for a free concert in Larry's home. Not fun.

4.) Then another fearful encounter: Dinner time. Being served is Larry's favorites: Seared goat ribs, Prairie Chicken Skewered; Groundhog neck bones and other delicacies. Then I have a sudden attack of stomach virus. Nice way to get out of eating these foreign grub.

3.) Now it's very late in the evening. Larry asks me to read a few lines with him of his new movie project. Finally. I am being respected and liked. My part in his new film is "Bobo," the talking sheepdog. The shameful thing is, "Bobo" only uses barking to talk to Larry. The entire room laughs at my barking until they get sick to their stomachs.

2.) Bill Engvall suggests a daring dart game with me as the target. Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy, and Larry quickly agree. I am stood on the further wall with a sheet over my head and these guys take turns seeing who can get the closest to my ears. Just another clever excuse for them to have something to laugh at.

1.) Now that the evening is over, out of respect, I shake Larry The Cable Guy's hands along with his wife and his comedian friends who are still laughing at me.

But one thing's for sure. Larry The Cable Guy has successfully put his redneck image behind him and is fitting into Hollywood's "wild life" with ease.