25 Great Ways to Mess With People at Your Work
Let's admit it. Work can be rather... boring? It sure can! We've all suffered the doldrums of cubicle hell, but I present to you here a sure-fire list of things you can do to "liven up" your place of employment. (Delaney Boling accepts no responsibility in the event of termination, physically being removed from the premises or incarceration.)
- #1) Show up to work in a beekeeper's outfit: Suits and ties can be so boring so change things up by donning your favorite beekeeper's helmet and gloves. When you're called into the bosses office, and he asks you why you're wearing a beekeeper's outfit, simply say "So I won't get stung."
- #2) Drool excessively: Also known as driveling, ptyalism and sialorrhea, drooling is a medical condition that's recognized by the American Medical Association, therefore falling under the Americans With Disabilities Act. In simple English, drool like crazy and there's nothing your boss can legally do to punish or stop you from doing so. Just think of how much more fun you can make those board (bored) meetings simply by letting loose a river of saliva. Take care not to spit - just mouth-breathe your way into a flood.
- #3) Announce false birthdays at random: Every week, choose someone at random and send out an inner-office memo that tomorrow is his/her birthday. Watch as said employee is shocked when the boss buys a cake and gathers everyone to sing "Happy Birthday." Make sure you use a dummy-email address and send the memo from someone else's computer Then stand back and watch as the confusion continues to grow.
- #4) Staple all of your papers in the middle: Instead of putting that single staple in the traditional left hand corner, make it stand out by putting it smack-dab in the middle of the document! You'll probably only be able to do this a few times before management calls you in for a little chat...
- #5) No-Doz in the watercooler: Simply dissolve a a few packages of No-Doz tablets and sneak them into the water cooler. Stand back and watch as your fellow employees run around all hopped-up the rest of the day.
- #6) Unisom in the water cooler: The very next day, do the same thing - only subsitute with Unisom. Give it about an hour and your fellow employees will start dropping off like flies at their desks. Repeat #5 and #6 as desired but don't get caught!
- #7) Hire a clown: Every day, hire a clown to come in and entertain you during your 15 minute mid-morning break. At first, your fellow employees will be amused and may ask you what the occasion is. Simply tell them you like clowns. After about a week of this, your employees will start to fear for their lives while around you. The clown probably will as well...
- #8) Put gelatin in the water cooler: Even MORE water cooler fun! Roughly one cup of clear unflavored gelatin is enough to turn the contents of the water cooler into something that resembles hair-gel. Even if the employee doesn't notice how slowly the "water" pours into his/her cup (if it even pours at all), they're in for a shock when they take a sip of this undrinkable substance.
- #9) Switch cubicles: When the person in the next cubicle over goes to lunch, switch everything in their cubicle (furniture, papers, phone, plants... EVERYTHING) with yours. Make sure to put everything exactly as they had it - only one cubicle over. When they get back from lunch, try to keep a straight face as they try to figure it out.
- #10) Wrap the stapler in bubble-wrap: And be sure to use a lot of it! When someone asks you where the stapler is, point to the big bundle of bubble-wrap and boxing tape. When they ask the obvious question of "Why is the stapler wrapped in bubble-wrap?", tell them that it's so they won't hurt themselves.
- #11) Answer the phone with an accent: But only if you give them the name of a fellow worker. For example, use a thick British accent and tell them they'll have to call back in ten minutes. Make sure to have them ask for you by name (give the name of a fellow employee). When they call back, they'll be directed to a very confused employee who's wondering why the person on the phone is asking where their accent went.
- #12) Dimes in the telephone receiver: If you unscrew the mouth-piece of most phones, you'll find that the handle is hollow. Starting with only a few dimes, start to fill up a co-worker's phone over the course of a few weeks. Make sure not to fill the phone too fast because you don't want them to be able to tell that their phone's getting heavier. Then, one day remove all of the dimes and watch your co-worker smack themselves in the head when they answer the now very light phone.
- #13) Jalapeno juice on the phone receiver: Using gloves, rub fresh jalapeno slices on a co-worker's phone receiver. The next time they make a call or answer the phone, they'll get the juice on their hand and on the side of their face causing a burning irritation. When they try to rub their face (with their jalapeno covered hand), they'll only make it worse. "F*&%!!! Why is my face on fire?!"
- #14) Send roses to a fellow employee... from ANOTHER fellow employee: This works best if one or both of the employees are married, and it's also very funny to have a guy employee get roses for another guy employee. "Um, Bob? Thanks for the roses and all but..." Just remember to pay cash when ordering the roses so that they won't be able to find out it was you.
- #15) Pledge allegience to the flag: Well, not actually a flag... but a co-worker. Choose one co-worker who walks past your cubicle or desk at least five times a day, and every time they do, stand up and say the Pledge of Allegience. After a few days of this odd habit, the co-worker will most likely stop coming by to see your clown during the mid-morning break.
- #16) Have your name legally changed to your boss's name: Go to the courthouse and have your name legally changed to your boss's name and demand to be called it by your boss. This works the best if you actually change your full name, including any suffixes such as 'junior'. Next, start dressing just like your boss. If your hair color is different than your boss's, die it the same color.
- #17) Write all of your documents in 48 point type: Everything from emails to presentations. Make sure to include at least one 48 point type memo that discusses "going green."
- #18) Cover their phone's mouthpiece with clear glue: The object here is to make the phone receiver appear normal. When they get a phone call, they'll be able to hear what the other person's saying but the person on the other end will only get silence. Eventually, the employee will request a new phone, and then you can do it again!
- #19) Using make-up, create life-like boils, open sores and rashes: Any good costume or magic store has stage make-up, and with a few extra minutes, you can really freak out your co-workers. Start out small with just a convincing rash, but by the end of the week you should be covered in open sores. Make them look really infected, and make sure to get some of the "goo" on various documents, furniture and other office items. Spend a lot of time by the water cooler and make sure to be the first one to grab a donut in the morning.
- #20) Leave a "surprise" in the office toilet bowl: All you'll need for this one is an old toupe, some softened chocolate bars and some dry ice. Simply mash the toupe into the chocolate and shape it into a turd. Place in the toilet along with the dry ice to create a bubbling fog. Other things you should consider putting into the turd are chicken claws, denture partials, dead mice, condoms, your boss's favorite pen and photos of his/her family. Announce that some weird homeless guy made a mess of the office bathroom and watch as the office janitor runs screaming!
- #21) Develop an un-natural fear of staplers: Every time you see a stapler, let out a blood-curdling scream and run. If your nieghbor has one on his/her desk, sit there staring at it while trembling. When your nieghbor asks what's wrong, jump out of your chair and shriek like a little girl.
- #22) Glue all the pen caps on: Also, paint over all the pencil tips with clear nail polish. Call the co-worker who's writing utensils you've done this to and act like you have an urgent message to get to the boss. Watch from a distance as they scramble to find a pen or pencil that writes and watch their frustration mount. Make sure to deliver the message quickly, and include as many long numbers as possible. "Yes, hello? I need you to tell Mr. (blank) that this is his Doctor. He needs to go to the pharmacy immediately and pick up perscription #33A49672-B-B-7896A. Tell him it's important that he only take 16 grams at 9:00 a.m., and the full 18 grams at 2:00p.m., and then another 16 grams right before bed. His insurance has already paid 75% of the deductible so all he owes is $62.89. He needs to make sure this is paid no later than 12:01 p.m. on 8/14 of 2010. Are you writing this down?"
- #23) Create your own religion: And the stranger the practices, the better. Make sure to include a list of religious holidays you'll expect your Boss to pay you for and pass out printed religious pamphlets to co-workers. Wear ceremonial dress at least one day a week and practice mid-day prayers that include small fire-crackers. Finish every document or inner-office memo with the words "in accordance with the prophecy." The truly beautiful thing about this one is that your Boss has to recognize your religious practices and can not legally discriminate against you. Again, the stranger the practices, the better!
- #24) Dress up as the Grim Reaper: Find a really convincing Grim reaper costume (Hollywood quality here, folks), and using a fog machine under your robes, walk through the entire office... slowly. Make sure to stop at different co-worker's desks and study them for a few minutes. Pay special attention to the smokers and the overweight employees.
- #25) Start stealing everyone else's family photos: Start out with only a few photos (try to make them ones that won't be noticed as missing) and keep building your secret stash. Once your fellow employees start buzzing about how they're missing a photo or two, choose an employee at random and, on their lunch hour, set up all the photos on their desk. You have to be absolutely secretive about this one in order for it to work, but the resulting blame session is priceless!
- And here's a Bonus) Phones in the ceiling: This one is hard to accomplish unless you have access to the office outside of business hours. When everyone's gone, simply move the ceiling tiles over and stick the phone up there. Make sure to try to hide the phone cord as best as possible and replace the ceiling tile. Extra points if you can do this with every phone in the office - yours included. The next day when the phones start ringing, it'll sound like they're coming through the intercom, and everyone will wonder where the hell their phone went.
Could you get away with using any of these office pranks at work?
If you were to try any or all of these office pranks, would your bossSee results without voting
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