A Black Family In 6th Century England Eating Sandwiches, Other Media Absurdities & Typos

I started watching the first episode of NBC's Merlin last night and turned it off in disgust within minutes. This miserable excuse for a historical television drama is a great example of how our entire culture is now paying the price for disregarding education and devaluing intelligence through equating it with pocket protector, horn rimmed glasses wearing nerds whose only purpose for existence is to get beat up for the lolz.

Within a couple of minutes of the opening credits, there was a scene with a black family. Ok... a black family? In England? In the 6th century? That was centuries before the Moorish conquests and even then, there would never be a fully black family in England since no black women ever accompanied the Moor forces! But the best part was when the daughter fixed the father "a sandwich." This, of course, was 12 centuries before the Earl of Sandwich was born and lent his name to his invention of a hunk of meat between two slices of bread! Let's not even talk about the Norman architecture they were shooting in which had no choice but to have been built after 1066 which was the date of the Norman Conquest!

I had to try hard not to puke.

However, after due reflection, I realized that I should be more sad than nauseous. The art form once mastered by The Editor has been replaced by the rapid fire ignorance of the countless under-educated and unintelligent pseudo-writers of this obtuse age. Let's check out some of their highlights (or lowlights) in the news media:

Firefighters to deal with not just the fire with people in the middle of the road ejaculating - KABC-TV

Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day - Reuters

Missippi's literacy program shows improvement - Associated Press

Student excited dad got head - Daily Kansan

Crack Found In Man's Buttocks - Fox 5 Baltimore

One armed man applauds the kindness of strangers - Tulsa World

Tiger Woods Plays With His Own Balls - Associated Press

Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison - Salt Lake Tribune

Although the Toronto Argonauts CFL football team were on the road, the stadium was filled with blue shits - CityNews

Sex Eduction Works To Delay Intercourse - Fox News

Swine Fule - The Times Of India

On pubic display - CTV News

An election in which John F. Kerry narrowly defeated Richard Nixon - Washington Post

The Reverend stated "you never know what the impact of your semon is going to be." - Lockhart Post Register

DOE to do NEPA's EIS on BNFL's AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protest - Idaho Mountain Express

Sen. Robert Creedon will leave the Legislature to seek the cunty clerk of courts job - Quincy Patriot Ledger

Marshall McLuhan's "The Medium Is The Massage." - New York Times Magazine

Night To Remember For Team Titantic - New York Post

Rebecca Romijnlandsinaprime-timecomedy. - Newsweek

Sentenced to 5 Years, 10 Months for Frau. - ABC News

The New York State Departmentportationion and Finance - New York Times

Gen. Robert E. Lee was one of the great hores of American history - Lockhart Post Register

... in a New York hospital with hepatitis C, a collapsed lung and a heart infection and suffering a collapsed lung. - E! Online

...voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties. - New York Times

The folks down in Atlanta at the CNN center must have been spending a bit too much time in that city's superlative bars, as they are worthy of a series of Hubs just to highlight their stupidity alone!

Access to untelligence

Barack Osama

Where's Obama Bin Laden?

Rains likely in WA and OR. Dry in the Pacific Northwest.

Clashes, strike shit down Greece airport

Bush pledges "we're going to come" this economic crisis

He claimed to have met Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan after joining anal Qaeda group

Suger Bowl

Bush speaks on terroism

Jackson's ex-wide

Mandona performs on a cross at London's Wembly Arena

Nuclear plant saftey

The Digial Camera Fights For Life

Bisops warn against witchcraft

and one that's on the CNN home page as I write this:

Bascilica bones belong to apostle St. Paul

Then, of course, we have some great examples from Jay Leno's phenomenal Headlines segment:

22 NFL Quarterbacks Have Felt His Sack

Autumn: Chilly Hummers & Noisy Peckers

Boneless, Skinless Amish Breasts

Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support

Dogs & Cats On Menu At Shelter Adoption Luau

Dr. Joel Kaplan's Penis Pumps: Gain 103 Inches

Fried Chicken Cooked in Microwave Wins Trip

Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty

Lovely Home at 10741 Pig Turd Alley

Police to Probe Barton's Backside

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

The Needle In The Gay Stack

TV Ads Boost Eating of Obese Children By 130%

Woman Improving After Fatal Crash

The winner has to be the New Hampshire & Vermont Valley News which really takes the cake, as it misspelled its own name on the front page!

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Comments 22 comments

pvrust profile image

pvrust 7 years ago from Carlsbad, Ca

Hal, your insight on this is rather hilarious. These obvious mistakes of ignorance are like having a bowl of fresh pasta served to you on a hot dog bun, rather obvious but most people would probably scarf it down.

In todays society and looking like it dates back a few years, who needs to make sense? People seem to have too much on their minds to pay attention.

I guess its too bad the journalistic art form is some how being watered down and the end product is what you have clearly pointed out here.

keep up the great work

Gary Rust -Pura Vida!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Thanks for the kind words! Much appreciated! What astounds me is that at a time when many newspapers are folding and broadcast news departments are shrinking at an unprecedented pace, that there aren't more than enough over-qualified journalists taking over the jobs of these complete and utter illiterates! :(


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina

The editors need editors!

dori


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Today's editors mostly need long jail sentences! :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

he-he :D Thanks for the giggles :)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I'd love to go through and find some famous Pravda typos from the Bad Old Days. Now those would be fun! :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL They had quite a few of those, and this was a kind of a gasp of a fresh air when people laughed over them :)

Even better were slogans that were palced in a lot of spaces on the streets, etc. One of the finest ones probably being "Our target is Communism" - put on a shooting ground. :D


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Hey, Misha! You're in DC! Why don't you go set up one of those "targets" on the White House lawn? I'll be glad to pay ya! :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL I am not that desperate for money Hal. :D


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

There are so many such anachronisms in television shows that I play a game -- each one I notice, I eat a piece of candy. I'm rather overweight. Apart from that, I try to ignore them and focus on character development, etc. The dialogue in Merlin is very modern; I suspect the makers deliberately "updated" the whole thing to entice younger viewers. I long ago (working with directors who wanted to do something different with Shakespeare than what was on the page) gave up trying for perfection. I'll leave that to the academics. Pass the chocolate, please?


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina

Misha what part of DC do you live in?


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Misha: Come on, dude. It will be fun! Imagine the press coverage that we'd get. We'd even post clearly on the target itself: Misha & Hal Licino - HubPages.com! That's got to be worth a million page views easy! :)

Teresa McGurk: If I adopted your eat a piece of candy rule, I'd go from morbidly obese to "Float Me Over The SuperBowl." :)


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

So funny. You should host your own TV show!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Gypsy, by all means, feel free to contact the major broadcast and cable networks. If you can sell the HAL LICINO COMEDY HOUR, you can be my official agent and collect 15% of my earnings for the rest of my life.

BTW, did you know that Col. Tom Parker (who really was Andreas Cornelis van Kuijk and was as much of a Colonel as I am) collected 50% of Elvis' lifetime earnings? GASP!


Alexander Mark profile image

Alexander Mark 7 years ago from beautiful, rainy, green Portland, Oregon

What? a Dutchman changed his name to an American name? That's seriously wrong - we normally don't care what people think of us. (Of course, Alexander Mark is not my real name either :-) )

Hal, there is so much ridiculous pc stuff out there, I really think that there is some kind of leftist conspiracy to shove bad history down our throats to homogenize everyone. But I guess it's all about mixing and matching to get ratings. Looking at a future show, it still drives me nuts that in the recent version of Battlestar Galactica, they had Hummers, diesel too. I can suspend reality to watch a show, but at least they should be clever about it. And you would think that when they produce a show that takes place in the time of wooden tables and once a year showers, they would get some minor details like sandwiches and correct racial representation right.

On the flip side, I haven't seen all the Star Trek Voyagers, but I remember getting mad because they had a black Vulcan. They were all white, why suddenly pc? But he was the best darn Vulcan since Nimoy, and he grew on me quickly. It's a fantasy, I can take it.


Wanderlust profile image

Wanderlust 7 years ago from New York City

You have an absolutely great and very intelligent sense of humor. And maybe indeed you should host a TV show, we definitely have a lack of intelligence on TV....


Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider 7 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

Love your sense of humor. Grat article.


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 7 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

Amusing but true


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Alexander Mark: Col. Tom Parker was really a piece of work. He was a lifelong illegal alien in the USA and couldn't leave the country as he'd never be let back in. Somehow he managed to get into the US Army when he was 20 and he took on the name of his own Base Captain, Tom Parker! Not even his own brother in the Netherlands knew where he was until he finally recognized him in a publicity photo with Elvis! As for the incredibly stupid PC-ness of placing an African family in 6th century England, why don't we go all the way and include North American First Nations and Australian aboriginals too!?Just think, we could watch a show about King Arthur's Camelot that would include a Green Corn Busk ceremony to the music of didgeridoos! OMG... I either gotta stop watching TV or I have to be hired as a studio screenwriter! :)

BTW, I thought that Tim Russ was the best Vulcan since Nimoy as well! Actually better than Quinto who chose (or was directed) to play an emotional Spock as he was portrayed in The Cage.

Wanderlust: Thanks! Gypsy Willow wants me to have my own show too! I'm all for it! Convince a network honcho and I'll be on the next flight to L.A. Hell, I couldn't possibly be worse than Conan or... gag... Jimmy Fallon... puke...

Sandyspider: Thanks! I appreciate it!

ethel smith: I just don't understand why they have to be so friggin' ILLITERATE! GRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

Good eye, Hal. I agree with the suggestion you get your own TV show pointing out anachronisms such as the Merlin bit above. Thanks.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I have a great idea! Let's form a Hub group and pitch all the studios!!!! The Hal Show! I'll kick Jon Stewart's butt all over the dial! :)

Actually I'd love nothing better than to be able to expand my Hub writing to another medium. I'm MORE than open to ideas! :)


IRE 5 years ago

There was a significant black population in Roman Britain. Other details are definitely inaccurate, however, not the fact that there were black people in the scene.

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