A Cat Food Diet for Humans: Pros and Cons

In these times of belt-tightening and making ends meet, it sometimes comes down to doing without something.  You may have to go without that satellite TV service,  replacement Swiffer pads, a cell phone, a DVD featuring Adam Sandler, and who knows what else.

Still, we all have to eat…there’s no getting around that.  If you’re on a budget, it becomes a bit of a challenge to come up with healthy meals every day.  It sometimes seems that most of the stuff at the supermarket is just too darned expensive.  Why not opt for the next best thing: a cat food diet.

Photo: by timorous
Photo: by timorous

The Pros:

I know what you’re thinking. This sounds nuts…but just because it’s intended for your little ‘Sunshine’, don’t go around wondering if you’ve lost your marbles. Well..ok, just a wee bit. But hey..a cat food diet’s got a few things going for it:

  • The salmon is rich in Omega 3
  • It keeps your brain alert for dangerous situations
  • You’ll learn to speak a new language: Catanese
  • You get smaller portions, keeping that waistline down
  • You’ll save a bundle on packaged foods and soft drinks and coffee
  • People may show more affection towards you, stroking your hair and such
  • You’ll develop an even closer bond with your own cat


On a more serious note…

You might be thinking…oh, if I’m gonna eat like a cat, I’m gonna need some milk. This is a popular misconception. Actually, most adult cats are lactose intolerant, even though they’ll happily lap it up. Only to have a runny event later in the litter box. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to experience the same thing yourself. Ok..back to the nonsense…

Despite the fact that your food cupboards will start to look just like the supermarket shelves, you’ll know there’s real value in your purchases. While this might seem like a limited array of choices, it’s all a matter of degree. You’ll be getting various kinds of meat and meat by-products, various kind of fish, mineral ash etc. In other words, nothing you wouldn’t find in a normal, everyday hot dog, for instance. You can probably turn off the fridge too, since you won’t need to keep anything refrigerated.

Don't Try This at Home...

Cons: The Downside to a Cat Food Diet

You’re probably also thinking to yourself..hey timorous, there must be a downside to a cat food diet, and you’d be right. A healthy human diet requires a wider variety of stuff than you’d get just from cat food. You might also miss those treats like cookies, and pizza and soft drinks. You may also find your behaviour becoming a little strange:

  • Licking your hands and other parts of your body
  • Becoming terrified of vacuum cleaners
  • Sitting at the window, staring at the outside world for hours on end
  • Yowling at your own image in the mirror (…maybe not so different for you)
  • Picking at the sides of chairs and sofas with your fingernails
  • Chasing imaginary creatures around the house
  • Sore knees, from trying to lap up water from a bowl on the floor
  • Sleeping half the day


Ok, maybe a cat food diet is not for you…

There are other food ideas you may not have considered, but others have, apparently. Many people have some strange food fetishes. You’ve probably tried some weird food combinations in your childhood, just to see what might go together. Like celery and peanut butter, eating pizza and chocolate at the same time…or drinking the juice from tinned peas. Some people even like tapioca, or…maybe fish eggs.

Yep..one person’s gross is another person’s delight. Go figure.


Here’s some food ideas from http://chowhound.chow.com:

“ finally got my fix for deep fried shrimp heads recently. But it seems that my friends and family do not share this seemingly obscure taste of mine for the feelers, eyeballs, antennae, head and carapace of an amaebi (sweet) shrimp.”

by elmomonster


“But I don't know anyone who actually eats the whole lobster head. I suck on the antennae and dig around inside but I don't eat the eyes or the shells. With shrimp you do eat the whole thing, shells, eyes and all.”

by foodiex2


“I recall being at a local festival and the person cooking the crawfish was a well known local cardiologist. Most people eat them like lobster - just the tail. He showed me how to suck the head. (no laughing!) You literally suck the brains out. Well, maybe they don't have brains, just head innards. I can't say it was addicting, but it was OK. I think crispy fried would be good. Like salt shrimp - shell and all. yum.”

by Sweet Pea


Then there’s food fashion…

Designers are always coming up with original ideas, some of them quite bizarre. Food fashion is starting to gain some weight. I’m sure you’ve either seen or heard of the meat dress worn by Lady Gaga. I won’t reproduce a photo of it here...you can easily find it on the internet.

However, here’s an interesting idea.

photo by Ted Sabarese via Behance Network
photo by Ted Sabarese via Behance Network

This artichoke gown was designed by Daniel Feld and Wesley Nault of Project Runway fame. It took over 6 hours to finish (the model stood the entire time while they attached each, individual leaf).

Have a look at more of these food garments.


Well…I seem to have gone off-topic a bit…

My apologies. So it’s time to get back to some cat nonsense. Here’s one my favorite Monty Python sketches, entitled “Confuse-a-Cat

One final note

This article is intended strictly as humor. So don’t take these recommendations seriously (except the cat/milk issue).

Although you could eat cat food, it’s not recommended to do so more than occasionally, and for very short periods. Just stick to a proper diet..ok?

This article ©2011 by timorous+


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Please feel free to comment... 11 comments

Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

Timorous - you're firing on all cylinders here. This hub deserves a big audience. After reading the first part, you had convinced me that the cat food diet was worthy of consideration.......and then I watched the video and changed my mind. The Monty Python vid was hysterical as well! The whole thing was very entertaining. Loved it!


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You Author

Hey thanks Stan. I wasn't sure about the last half (apart from Python). If I come up with something more relevant and just as silly, I'll substitute. Until then...enjoy, everyone.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Hilarious timorous. Just can't wait to chow down on the cans of salmon bits from Friskies. Catfood is not just for cats anymore. This Hub could be the catalyst for a new dining trend. Categorically; the cat's meow.


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You Author

Hey sligobay..nice to see you. I'll bet you would follow the example of the chap in the video. Just don't make a habit of it huh? Thanks for enjoying the meal, and a good laugh without choking.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

One can per meal for me timorous. No sense eating like a pig. LOL


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Great laugh! I prefer "Kibbles N Bits" myself. LOL


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You Author

So..you're a closet feline, coming out of the closet. Oh Susan..you're so naughty. I'm so glad you enjoyed the meal..meow.


danielleantosz profile image

danielleantosz 5 years ago from Florida

awesome! Reminds me of when I was a child and my older brothers tried to get me to eat doggie Milkbones. They both tried them in an effort to convince me. lol


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You Author

Oh no..I tried a milkbone once. Yuk. Thanks for stopping by and getting your amusement fix for the day, danielleantosz.


Thundermama profile image

Thundermama 3 years ago from Canada

Oh I needed a good laugh and this did the trick. Tempted to give it a try, the pros seemed pretty good. Great fun!


timorous profile image

timorous 3 years ago from Me to You Author

Haha. Glad you enjoyed a good laugh. They seem to be in short supply these days. I would think 2wice about the cat diet though.

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