A Review of Kate Winslet's Chest

Kate Winslet
Kate Winslet

More than perhaps any other Oscar-winning actress, Kate Winslet has displayed a wonderful willingness to appear nude in her movies. In fact, she's almost nude in every movie. I say wonderful, because Kate Winslet has the body of a real woman and her figure shows women everywhere that you don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. Kate Winslet is beautiful both clothed and unclothed, adorned in rags or adorned in nothing. When she's nude, she reminds women everywhere that they need not be ashamed of their bodies or the fact that they're not perfect. Let's all remember that not all boobs are fake and perfectly round. Not all butts look like they're freshly cut watermelons. Bodies are not perfect. Kate Winslet is a role model for all women.

Kate Winslet has been nude and/or naked in the following movies:

  • Heavenly Creatures (1994)
  • Jude (1996)
  • Titanic (1997)
  • Hideous Kinky (1998)
  • Holy Smoke (1999)
  • Quills (2000)
  • Iris (2001)
  • Little Children (2006)
  • The Reader (2008)

As anyone who has seen her movies knows, Winslet has a wonderfully interesting body. Of particular interest is the chest area are Winslet's areolas, which are unusual in shape. After doing much research and image analysis, I have discovered the amazing coincidence that Winslet's right areola is shaped exactly like Switzerland.

Switzerland is the country most like Kate Winslet's right areola.
Switzerland is the country most like Kate Winslet's right areola.

If Winslet's areloa is shaped like Switzerland, that means that the nipple is located in Stans. To fully research this odd connection, I traveled to Stans, a small town of approximately 8,000 people, to ask them how they felt about being an important location on Kate Winslet's body.

Upon my arrival in Stans, I was greeted by Hans, who was the city's tourist liaison. When I asked him about his city's unique relationship with Kate Winslet, he was momentarily confused. However, after I explained that Stans was the center of Kate Winslet's areola and that Switzerland was its shape, he informed me that Stans officials had actually been aware of this fact for some time, but did not want to publicize it due to strict Swiss decency laws. He told me in confidence that when citizens viewed the Stanserhorn (their local mountain), a whopping 23% of them thought of Kate Winslet.

Hans then took me to one of Stans' local watering holes where we sat and discussed Kate Winslet's chest over some beers and Hans attempted to fondle my kneecaps, which he said reminded him of some old flatware his grandmother had willed his family. I thought this was unusual since I was wearing long pants at the time, but I let him touch me anyway.

I asked Hans what his favorite Kate Winslet movie was and he said that his favorites were the ones where she was unclothed and his least favorite ones were the ones where she was clothed. Hans said that every time he watched Winslet in a movie where she took off her clothes, he was instantly reminded of Stans and it gave him a warm feeling in his bowel. He then disappeared and went in the back for about ten minutes. I did not pursue this further.

Thus, I left Stans with an enhanced appreciation for Kate Winslet's chest, her impact on a small Swiss town, and a slightly tingly kneecap. Ms. Winslet, if you are reading this, you have an open invitation from the town of Stans to visit anytime.

Kate Winslet Quotes About Body Image

‘As a child, I never heard one woman say to me, "I love my body". Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. No one woman has ever said, "I am so proud of my body." So I make sure to say it to Mia [her daughter], because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age.’

I have a crumble baby belly, boobs are worse for wear after two kids... I'm doing all right. I'm 33. I don't look in the mirror and go, “Oh, I look fantastic!” Of course I don't. Nobody is perfect. I just don't believe in perfection. But I do believe in saying, “This is who I am and look at me not being perfect!” I'm proud of that.’

‘I believe it is important to go on insisting that normality is not what we are exposed to. Honestly, among my acquaintances there is no woman wearing XS. No, sorry, there is one: my daughter. The point is that Mia is 11 years old. It's true that you need much time to get rid of the fat girl you once were, but you know I am sincerely grateful for my buttocks.'

‘I look like people that walk down the street. I don't have perfect boobs, I don't have zero cellulite – of course I don't – and I'm curvy. If that is something that makes women feel empowered in any way, that's great.’


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Comments 4 comments

gabrielthomas72 profile image

gabrielthomas72 3 years ago from Shrewsbury, England

Fantastic! Kate would be so proud!!


BernietheMovieGuy profile image

BernietheMovieGuy 4 years ago from Syracuse, NY

Wow...and I thought MY humor was sardonic! Good work...


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

That was awesome!! I shall be following your work. Thanks for the laugh.


cooldad profile image

cooldad 5 years ago from Florida

Brilliant, well done. I will never look at her chest the same again. I will now have to think of those wonderful and neutral Swiss each time she bares for the movies.

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