Truth or Dare

What's that? Another gray hair? Break out the Lady Clairol!
What's that? Another gray hair? Break out the Lady Clairol!


I turned 51 last month. I’m getting to be an old broad, and I'm confronted with it daily.

My mental calculus has changed: it reminds me of that game I used to play as a kid – Truth or Dare.


Truth: My hair is going gray.

Dare: Am I vain enough to drench my scalp in toxic hair dye? Tune in later to see if I’ve grown a second head.


Truth: I think I’m developing jowls.

Dare: Will this visit from The Hag Fairy drive me into the arms of the plastic surgeon? Not yet, but only because he wants my firstborn child. Now there’s a thought


Truth: I lost a tooth this year and need a bridge.

Dare: I grind the teeth I have left when I think of my dentist running down a beach in Aruba, cackling and flinging my money to scantily-clad beach bunnies.


Truth: Clerks and shop girls call me “ma’am” and use assumptive sales phrases like “your grandchildren will love this.”

Dare: Working out where I’ll hide the body wastes time I could be spending earning money for a facelift.


Truth: Facelift isn’t a dirty word anymore. An acquaintance once said that she’d never have a facelift because “you don’t look like yourself anymore.”

Dare: Do I have the nerve to say: I thought that was the whole point?


When I checked my Facebook birthday messages last year, one of them jumped out at me. It was from a high school classmate and read, “Congratulations! You have joined The Special Club.” I know it was meant kindly, but I beat my head against the keyboard for 30 minutes.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not a member of The Greatest Generation. I’m vain, selfish and shallow, just like millions of other Boomers. And having to cope with the fact that everything’s starting to sag, wag and drag. The fact that I am not alone doesn’t comfort me at all.

Let the big picture grab you – millions of us, reaching the Prozac threshold all at once. Brings chill bumps, doesn’t it?


Truth: I am now receiving invitations to join the AARP. I just got my first senior discount at the grocery store.

Dare: Can I come up with a plausible story to convince others this is a ridiculous mistake? Believe me, I’m trying.


Truth: My computer has been hacked. It no longer advertises dating sites or makeup. Some evil basement dweller thinks it’s funny to show me B-52 wigs and Russian undergarments.

Dare: I wish I knew where he lived.


Truth: I am beginning to get phone calls from teenage boys who tell me that they are employees of my bank. They warn me that I am in danger of identity theft and promise to help me.

Dare: Actually, these calls are a lot of fun.


I don’t think I’m going to beat myself up too much over my lack of -- um -- maturity. It’s never been my generation’s strong suit. But think about the looming tsunami we represent. Sure, everybody in the world wants to sell insurance and mutual funds to Boomers, but so far nobody’s given a thought to the Millennial retirement home workers who are going to be spending big bucks on therapy and medication when we drive them right around the bend.

As my uncle once said: “I can’t wait ‘til I’m senile. Everything may be going crazy, but I’ll just roll my head back, look up at the younguns, and grinnnnn!”


Truth: I have never acted my age.

Dare: I’m not about to start now.


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Comments 32 comments

mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 3 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, Cris, for the read and the share!


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

Awesome! And, yes indeed you are not alone Mary. Me too, have never acted my age sometimes. Ok, actually most of the times. Lol! But who cares? I believe it's just a number. As far as I'm concerned, I'm only past my legal age--period-!

Here's to aging graciously! Live, laugh, love!

Up and sharing.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 3 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, Maria! I appreciate your kindness and the read. :)


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Truth: we are the same age!

Dare: anyone to tell us we are not awesome...

This is wonderful and so are you...Hugs, Maria


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Lol Hyph!! You could write a "Truth or Dare" of your own -- you're a comedy writer!

Yes, we need to save our pennies and have some work done. Maybe we could end up looking like the "human Barbie" in the news these days. Or maybe, her mother? :-)


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

hehehe. I can relate so well. I will be 57 next month. Things sag, those jowls are here and let's not even mention the turkey neck that I sometimes see in the mirror. When I exercise I have to hold ":the girls" so they don't bruise my kneecaps. Oh and on my 55th birthday, I got one of those "Prepay your funeral and save your family some grief" letters. Now that was really fun. Let's go to a fat farm, lose weight, get a face lift, body lift and emerge looking like a desperate aging Barbie!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Thanks for looking in, Anil! I appreciate your kind comments.


Anil and Honey profile image

Anil and Honey 4 years ago from Kerala

You are young, You are growing up any way nice hub thanks for sharing.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Hi Gypsy! Thanks for visiting! And I agree. I was blessed with very "young" elders growing up as a child. They were all 20somethings at heart, and I hope some of that vitality rubbed off on me. At any rate, I don't think I'm quite a grownup yet! Maybe I'm already into my second childhood ;-)


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Eddy, thank you for looking in, and for your wisdom! Yes, there's sometimes a big disconnect. My 84-year-old mother often tells me there's a 24-year-old inside her yelling to get out ;-) That sort of mindset must work, because she's amazingly spry. We'll have to see how far it takes us. Hope your weekend is lovely!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Don't worry Molly. You are not old if you think young. I'm 55, feel 25 and some days think I can't be older than a teenager. You see it all sort of evens out. So walk the walk, talk the talk and show them who's the boss. Keep saying to yourself like I do if they want an old lady they'll have to go to the nearest senior citizen home. Passing this on.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh yes I am sure many can relate to this one. I can honestly say that in my mind I feel younger than I did 20 years ago but my body sometimes tell me otherwise.

I do dye my hair and will continue to do so;I am not growing old gracefully and anyway I am nowhere near old!!

I am happy there is so much out there that I am determined to do!!I am 54 but as I said I feel younger today than I did when I was in my thirties.

Thank you for this great read which left much food for thought .

Have a

wonderful weekend.

Eddy.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Always, thanks for looking in! And remember, 50 is the new 25...just with more advanced cosmetics. ;-)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHa, I love this. I reveived mail from AARP this morning, wanting me to join, it even had a card with my name on it. I threw it in the trash. I refuse to act my age..Hee.Cheers


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Hi GT! Thanks for dropping by! Oh good heavens -- you know it just hit me -- this must be my midlife crisis. Now I'll have to go buy a ridiculous car. Can you skip your midlife crisis and go straight to your second childhood?


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Great hub! I started covering my gray quite some time ago. Sadly clerks still call me ma'am and every once in a while refer to my daughter as my granddaughter. Ugh...that one hurts. But like you, I'll never act my age, much to the mock embarrassment of my family.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Teaches, thank you...I appreciate the kind wishes and your support.

And I like your attitude. Rock on!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, La, for the read and the vote! I'm glad you got a charge out of it. My mother is 84 years old, and often says that there's a 24-year-old inside her yelling to get out. XD


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

LOL, this is a wonderful and hilarious hub! I like your truth and dare game...... Must keep this for several more years, and take it out when I reach that age! Thanks for the laugh, and for sharing it...... Take care, voting up and awesome!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

Molly, hope your birthday was a great one. Looks like you and I have a lot in common. Hilarious look on the truth of aging -- we are only getting better!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, drbj! And Happy Thanksgiving!

God love you for those magic words, "you are just a baby." I suppose women never get over their own appearance. I was part of a focus group once and we were discussing lipstick. The moderator happened to be a man, and we told him he just did not understand...that when we were dead and in our coffins, *someone* would take pity on us and come over and fix us up with some lipstick. It's a girl thing.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Happy belated birthday, Molly. Compared to me you are just a baby. I was born when the earth was still cooling. But as long as you retain your sense of humor as evidenced by this funny hub, you will be all right. Trust me.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, Mazzy! And I'm with you. My dream man used to be blonde and ripped. Now he's blind and rotund! XD


Mazzy Bolero profile image

Mazzy Bolero 4 years ago from the U.K.

Molly, if young men still stare at you, you are not yet over the threshold - when you really are old, you become completely invisible. I must admit that all that high-minded stuff most of us spout when we are young about growing old naturally flies right out the window the day we see middle age in the mirror. If I had the cash, I think I'd be hot-footing it to the plastic surgeon. Since I haven't, I'm looking for a very near-sighted guy so I can hide his glasses. Thanks for an entertaining read.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Hi, Irish -- thank you, and Happy Thanksgiving!! Yes, I'm already trying to figure out how I can use all this to my advantage. I actually dressed up once in a wig and glasses and a polyester pantsuit (no lie, it was an experiment). I went into a very expensive restaurant to see if I could get a senior discount. I didn't know whether to be pleased or enraged when IT WORKED.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Thank you, Bill! Happy Thanksgiving to you and Bev and Tyler!


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Well let me just send the most sincere "Happy Birthday" to you. This is one hell of a hub! Very very funny, very honest and very much so enjoyed by this reader.

Great twist on truth or dare.

P.S. Just think of the things you can now get a way with and blame it in old age! Had to tease a bit!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

I think HP is having technical difficulties...sorry, friends! I wrote a reply to Bill's comment and now I don't see it, plus Faith's comment disappeared. The joint's haunted!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Where did my comment go? LOL


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire Author

Faith, you're a treasure. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for using the phrase "you are a baby." I think I can live on it at least until Christmas, when I hope to get a jar of anti-aging cream for my jowls. XD


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

LOL Molly

Truth: ALL OF THE ABOVE. . .

Dare: i have two years up on you . . . so you are a baby to me LOL

(noticed i typed this part in small letters . . . )

Yes, that AARP is just a "lovely" gift to receive on the exact date of your birth, and I do not know how they plan that to the tee.

God bless. Happy Thanksgiving . . . Dentists @@@@ but have to have them LOL

The funny thing is, I feel younger now than I did in my late 20's and 30's. I guess just having joy and love in one's heart makes all the difference on the outlook of life and aging.

In His Love, Faith Reaper


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Maturity is highly overrated my friend. I'm sixty-four and I refuse to grow up. As for AARP, I have one word for them......*&%#

Great, fun hub!

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