Ali The Bachelorette ep 8: Hometown Heroes And Zeroes
Meeting The Parents In Florida
Roberto was the first one to have a hometown date with Ali. They wandered around his old campus at the University of Tampa, and spent some time on the baseball field where he was the big time college stud.
Roberto gave Ali one of his old jerseys, and then donned a full uniform much to Ali’s delight. Some girls dig that. Personally, I think most grown men in baseball uniforms look like they’re playing dress up in kid’s clothes. Unless the grown man is Derek Jeter.
After some free batting lessons, where Roberto took the opportunity to feel Ali up from behind, they had a champagne picnic. Who paid for that? Do the dudes actually have to fork out cash on their hometown dates? Is that why so many just play in the dirt then go to mama’s house for grub?
Roberto gave Ali one of his baseball cards and she squealed like a piglet. They headed to his house and it was revealed that everyone in Roberto’s family is named Roberto or Olga—that could get confusing. Mama Olga looks like she’s 25! There were also a few parts where I thought her microphone was malfunctioning, or she’s a level-5 mumbler.
A big deal was made about Roberto’s dad being tough, but it was adorable when he said “You’re a big prize in my mind” to his son. Tough, shmough. Pops went on to interview Ali about her personal goals. He seemed unimpressed, but ultimately gave Roberto his blessing.
The dated ended with a salsa dance party in the living room. It was definitely a good date, but it didn’t seem like anything spectacular to me. Good thing Roberto is so good looking, or I could have seen her sending him home.
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Living The Normal Life
Next up, Ali went to spend some time in Cape Cod with Chris L and his dog. When they were hanging out on the beach, they looked like something out of an LL Bean catalog. They played in the rain, and I wasn’t sure that Ali’s boots were exactly beach friendly. I was waiting for a big fall—blooper reel, perhaps?
They went to Chris’s house to meet his dad, brothers and sisters-in-law. His house is full of pictures of his mother, and I got teary AGAIN when he was talking about her. Chris’s dad, Ed, has the same voice as Chris. It was really strange to hear it coming out of a different person.
Ali presented the family with the wine they bought in Portugal. Chris said, “If you get Meagan and Sarah bombed, they’ll love you”—that’s the kind of family I want to join! Besides, how can you hate on a family whose motto is “Love is the only reality”? If you can, then you’re obviously Satan and nobody wants to be your friend anyway.
Meagan noticed that Ali was wearing the Dennis bracelet (is that what they call it?) that Chris gave her. That’s a really big deal in the family, since Meagan (or Sarah, I can’t tell the difference) has the one Chris’s mother used to wear. That shows how serious Chris is about Ali and his sisters-in-law kinda freaked after and wanted to get down to the nitty gritty of this relationship. They think Chris deserves the perfect girl, and I tend to agree—it would be sort of odd if a guy like him found his match on a show like this.
Ali talked to Ed alone and he brought up how Ali left her job to take care of her grandmother, just like Chris did with his mother. She’d never thought of that (neither did I, and I’m such an astute observer). Ed is just the sweetest dude ever.
After they left his family, they spent some alone time in a tower of some sort. She loves when he kisses her neck, but I’m not sure she likes him kissing her mouth. There’s still something a little friend-y about them. Plus, it’s hard to ignore the fact that it looks like he’s chewing her face when they kiss. Yipes!
I think that if she chose Chris L, they’d have such a normal life and have a way better chance of actually staying together.
Who Doesn't Love Dead Animals?
Ali was concerned about meeting Kirk’s family because his parents don’t speak at all. That turned out to be the least of her worries. First, she met his dad, Pete, his stepmother and “adopted” sister Nika. I have no idea why he pointed that out about his sister. Seems a little rude—made me think of that lady who sent her kid back on the plane to Russia when he wouldn’t eat his peas or whatever.
Kirk doesn’t seem like he’s from Wisconsin. There’s something a little California about him, so it was weird to see him sitting on the hunting-themed couch. Then we were introduced to his dad’s “workshop” and my entire opinion changed. Ali was led downstairs to his father’s den of dead animals. Talk about sexy!
Ali had the worst poker face, and pure terror was radiating from her. The worst part was that Kirk’s dad keeps frozen dead animals in a freezer right next to their popsicles and TV dinners. Not to be rude, but everything about that house reminded me of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
This family was a lot less romantic than the previous two. Pete (who uses the word “gal” on a regular basis) told Kirk, “Before you get married, go through the logics.” His stepmother warned Ali to use both her head as well as her heart when making her decision. If she were using her head, I don’t think she would have signed up for a reality TV dating show.
Next, they had a home cooked dinner with the ladiez in Kirk’s life: his mother, grandmother, and sister. Ali got along well with all of them. You could kinda tell that Mama dukes got spruced up for the event, with her makeup, and her hair. She told Ali the story of her Livestrong bracelet that she wore when Kirk was going through his illness. It broke the morning he left for LA to be on the show. I really thought she was going to give it Ali to guilt her into keeping Kirk around, but no such luck.
What was the hand gesture that Kirk made when he said “I’ve been falling for this girl and now I’ve fallen”? It looked like a face mask call at a football game.
Frank Freaks Out
Finally, Ali hit up Chi-Town for her most anticipated date. She was by far most excited to see Frank, even though he’s moodier than a 15-year old Emo kid. Meeting his parents was the first time she thought, “I could be meeting my future in-laws today.”
Frank was having a bit of a panic attack on their romantic boat ride over the seriousness of the moment. He always thinks he’s gonna get sent home next. This process is “like a mind game” to him and he overanalyzes everything. The sad part is he’d probably win with no problem if he’d just float along with the ride.
They met Frank’s father, mother, sister, and disappearing brother-in-law (he’d be in the room for one scene and then vanish for the next). Frank’s family is funny and sarcastic and they were all joking so it wasn’t awkward or overly emotional. So why is Frank such a freak?
Ali and Mama Dukes had a little chat about how easily Ali fits into the family and how it seems like she and Frank have been dating for a year. She needs to give that speech to her son.
In the end, Frank said Ali could be the one for him. He has so many spazz outs before always returning to the same conclusion.
In summary: Roberto is the fairy tale guy. Chris is more than she ever imagined, and she could definitely picture herself in that family. Kirk has a great grasp on love, but isn’t sure he what’s best for her. Frank’s insecurities may f-things up for him. Ali feels stronger about some of these guys now than she did about Jake at her hometown date last season.
When it was time to hand out roses, she cried from the get-go and looked like she was going to throw up. She made the disclaimer that it had nothing to do with families before she sent Kirk packin’. No more make out fests.
Kirk said, “You’ve been my first real shot at doing this”--does that mean he’ll be The Bachelor? He finally had his heart broken, like Ali said he needed. Too bad because he planned on asking her to marry him. That’s uncomfortable.
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Quotes of the Week
“I’m like a proud wife”-Ali (Not a proud girlfriend?)
“Roberto, you are smoking hot”-Ali
“I just want to run around in circles when she’s around”-Chris L
“The best thing about her is that she likes me for me”-Kirk (Wow, that’s deep.)
Top 3 Analyzed
Frank—She likes him the most, but he messes it all up next week according to the previews
Roberto—Still has the hotness card, but her insecurities might make her reject him before he can reject her
Chris L—I think he’s the smart choice, but their relationship might be too “normal” for her expectations
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