We Don't Like to Discuss it at Dinner, but we've All Vomited.
Vomiting is a Normal, Healthy Function
If you’re reading this, you’re here to learn everything there is to know about vomit, or the act of vomiting. If you believe your stomach can handle it, let’s get started.
What is Vomit?
Vomiting is something each one of us has done at least a couple of times in our lives. (Some more than others.) Vomit is a mixture of soft stomach solids and dark bile from the digestive system. It also contains a good portion of the macaroni and cheese you ate for dinner and the bottle of cheap red wine you washed it down with. Vomiting is the purging (or emptying) of a substance in our stomachs that our body decides is not good for us. If you didn’t vomit when you ate or drank something that was toxic to your system (such as bad food or a poison), you’d most-likely die. Vomiting is a good thing. Sometimes it’s our body’s way of letting you know you've had too good a time.
What is Nausea?
Nausea usually happens before (and in-between) vomiting episodes. Look at nausea as the coming attractions of a good vomiting session. Nausea is the warning sign from the body to get the hell to the bathroom before you decorate your Nikes. Nausea can appear without a vomiting episode following. Sometimes you’ll experience nausea if you are susceptible to motion sickness. You may experience bouts (or waves) of nausea during a plane ride, on a boat, in a car or at the amusement park. People who become nervous, experience a dizzy spell, are having a heart attack or who have undergone anesthesia for a surgical procedure can experience nausea. Expectant moms experience morning sickness during the first couple of months of pregnancy. Migraine headache sufferers can experience severe nausea (leading to vomiting) during a headache. Nausea is no walk in the park. It’s a feeling absolutely no one enjoys. Have you ever heard anyone say, “Gee I wish I felt nauseous right now? Of course not. There is absolutely no joy to be found in nausea. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Top Vomit Fails
There's Nothing Worse Than Dry Heaves
As great as the human body is at taking care of us, sometimes it doesn’t know when to stop us after we’ve completed vomiting. When there is absolutely nothing left in our stomach, (and the body is still in hyper-vomit mode), we may experience the fun of the dry heaves. The dry heaves are worse than regular vomiting, because the dry heaves can cause chest and stomach pain, neck or mouth pain, the cold sweats and more. The best way to avoid the dry heaves is to take a couple of deep breaths of fresh air and try to control your gag reflex. Relax. A good heaving episode is extremely tiring. Try and lay down (preferably near a toilet), should a second round of gagging be in your immediate future) and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. This should take care of the dry heaves after several minutes.
Foods That May Cause Nausea or Vomiting
Food poisoning is a horrid experience to go through. Some people who have eaten a toxic substance may become so sick that hospitalization is required. If you suspect food poisoning, don’t waste time. Either contact your physician as quickly as possible, or go to the hospital emergency room. Food poisoning is serious business and you may die unless you’re treated immediately.
Here are a few foods that can make you severely ill if they have turned rancid.
*Mom’s Potato Salad-It’s been sitting in the sun for 4 hours, Throw it out. (Just don’t let her see you do it.)
*Tuna, lobster or ham salad that has been made with expired mayonnaise or salad dressings. (Or these items sitting away from refrigeration too long)
*Not so fresh seafood. Be extremely careful of seafood. Smell it and inspect it before cooking.
*Not so fresh chicken, beef or pork. Also be careful of undercooked chicken or pork. Undercooked items may also require you spend the night kneeling at the toilet.
Guest Vomits On Live TV
Other Causes of Vomiting
Drinks that May Cause Nausea or Vomiting.
Many people associate vomiting with the consumption of alcohol. True, alcohol (especially lots of it) will most definitely end your night with you on your knees in a nightclub parking lot with your friends kicking your “raised in the air” ass really hard while you puke in your baseball cap. (As was done to me after my bachelor party.) But I digress. Alcohol is not the only culprit.
1) Milk or other dairy/ice cream drinks. Have you ever gotten a good whiff of turned milk? Just the smell of expired milk can nauseate me. A drink of it would sit me down for the evening (hopefully not at your house) in an vomiting episode that would make Caligula gag.
2) Children’s fruit juices or sweet sodas. I remember my nephew (who was about 5 or 6 at the time) at a family picnic. He had spent the whole day drinking one orange soda after another. It was only a matter of time that mixed with the hot dogs, fries, potato chips and whatever else he had eaten that day it would have to find a way out of that small belly of his. It did. The aftermath had a pleasant orange glow about it. I have not taken a sip of orange soda since watching my nephew blow it all out that afternoon. That was probably 12 years ago.
3) Desserts, such as milkshakes, puddings, certain moist and cream filled cakes and even pies can make make you reject what your poor grandmother spent hours slaving over a hot stove all morning. Shame on you for hurting her feelings and throwing up on her new outfit..
The granddaddy of them all when it comes to throwing up. Alcohol vomiting usually boils down to two main reasons. The first is too much of a good thing and the second is the mixing of several different alcohols into one sensitive stomach. I learned firsthand for example, that if you’ve been drinking Kahlua and vodka, you may not want to follow it up with several shots of Peppermint Schnapps before going home for the evening. Trust me on that one. Also, as much as I enjoy a shot ( or two) of Tequila every now and then, it is NEVER to be mixed with Southern Comfort. If you’ve been considering the combination, please refrain. These are the things you learn as a teenager and young adult. I may not only be saving your stomach, but possibly your life.
Migraine headaches run in my family. If you’ve never experienced them, consider yourself fortunate because they can be debilitating. Some of the “triggers” that have set off my migraine headaches in the past have been smells. I have to be really careful, because I will ALWAYS puke during a migraine attack. Some of the smells that set me off are:
Perfumes and colognes: Drakar and Obsession by Calvin Klein never fail to make me puke. Any vanilla scented perfume will make me vomit, as well. Some scented deodorants and soaps will do it for me as well. Scented laundry detergents give me a headache (especially after the fact) and then make me puke. I basically live in an unscented world. Unscented soaps, shampoos, detergents, cleaning products, etc. are all you will find in my house. It takes a bit of getting used to, I admit. We don’t go to the movies often. Some people, (as you know) pile it on. On the other hand, body odor (if I’m exposed to it more than a couple of minutes) will cause my stomach to become angry and seek revenge. I used to work with a guy at a supermarket who had terrible body odor (the type that would linger long after the person left the area) and I never failed to show my appreciation by puking at the first opportunity.
Tequila is Evil: Warning: This is Gross
We Can't Just Call It Puking, Can We?
Synonyms for Vomiting
Vomiting is a disgusting name for a gross bodily function. It’s a medically preferred term. There are many various names for the act of vomiting. Here are a few of my favorite civilian names.
-Yak or Yakking
-Ralph or Ralphing
-Serving a Blue Plate Special
-The Technicolor yawn
-honk or honking
-spill or spilling
-barf or barfing
-upchuck or chucking out
-heave (and sometimes heave ho), etc
There are several (maybe several hundred) more terms for vomit OR the act of vomiting. Have fun researching them online.
WARNING: Only watch this if you're certain you can handle it.
Own Your Own Puke
My Personal Favorite Puking Moments
My Top 5 Vomiting Episodes:
1.) I was 4 or 5 years old and I indulged in a covert 6 am ice cream pig out. Chocolate Chip. I’ll never forget it. I puked chocolate chip ice cream for hours. I haven’t touched it since.
2.) Sardines: I was 9 or 10 and purchased a package of sardines at the corner store that had probably been hanging around since the second world war. I paid for it dearly. I have never even looked at a sardine since that day.
3.) Red Wine: Ugh! I can’t even talk about this one. I was 16. There’s been no red wine in my life since and there never will be.
4.) Sausage and Onions: I was cooking because my wife and I were having company over and she had to work. The sausage and onions were to go into the spaghetti sauce with the meatballs. It never made it. The smell of them cooking, gave me a migraine which set off a vomiting reaction that lasted a good portion of the afternoon. We canceled dinner, by the way.
5.) Vodka Screwdrivers were my drink of choice at my bachelor party. I didn’t think a little OJ and vodka would set me off, which was probably true. A lot of vodka and OJ, however set me off on a two day (yes, two whole days) vomi-thon. My wife (then my fiancé) stayed with me through the whole thing holding my head over the toilet for 48 hours. How could I not love and marry that woman? I didn’t drink orange juice for well over a year. I haven’t consumed the two together since that evening and I never will.
So, did you learn enough about vomit to last you the rest of your life? I hope so. Please feel free to leave your vomit stories below. Thanks for reading!
Not going to have a good day!
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