All My Children -- June 10, 2013

Billy Clyde is a boob man

Once again, Billy Clyde Tuggle stole the show without even having to try. I could watch and enjoy an entire episode of just Billy Clyde's antics. I would love to see the look on Christine Baranski's face when she sees the scene where her husband is squeezing the actress who plays his head hooker and confidantes melon's. I had to replay the scene, because I thought for a second he'd stuck his hand down the woman's bra. And the hilarious thing is there wasn't anything sexual or romantic about the scene.

But first, Billy Clyde was sniffing a flower [for some reason he suddenly reminds me of an older Josh Holloway from LOST when Sawyer gave Juliet the flower when he was masquerading as LaFleur in the Dharma Initiative.] when lo and behold he beholds his Dixie Bird. I think that's what he used to call her. Needless to say Dixie Bird was not thrilled to see her kidnapper and the man that nearly killed Tad when he knocked him off the Lockport Bridge, thus beginning her downfall as the biggest hooch in Pine Valley. Sexing up Teen Brian Hayley's boyfriend was the low point in that part of her life, then Tad returned and they had their sleazy affair when the idiot married Brooke, but all that is forgotten now their both paragons of virtue.

All Billy Clyde did was say hello to her and she slapped him. Then she ran off to Jessie demanding he arrest Billy Clyde. For some reason she seems to think Jessie is her own private policeman. She did the same thing with David popped up in town. Only this time, Jessie tells her no can do, as the statute of limitations have run out. The truly ironic thing is Dixie Bird is the one who could be arrested after her encounter with Billy Clyde. All he did was say hello, she's the one who slapped him. Wouldn't that be a hoot if he pressed assault charges against her?

I really hope she isn't aware of Cassandra's kidnapping, because she really came off as an insensitive cow acting all huffy because Jessie gave her no satisfaction. She was also leaving some message for Angie on her phone, earlier. She's been after Angie since her precious baby boy came out of his coma, so I'd bet it was about JR.

Speaking of JR, in the last encounter between him and David it was JR - 1 and David - 0. Sometimes David is so arrogant he's dumb. He kept putting JR down in front of AJ to the point the kid basically told him to lay-off. Then JR fell, which garnered him even more sympathy from AJ. After AJ left, David kept digging JR about how weak he was. In the previews for Wednesday's show JR is asking Cara about steroids. Just like I thought, I bet he's going to start popping steroids to regain his strength. Well, better him than AJ.

One thing I'd like to mention is JR declaring that Babe was the love of his life. And what was Marissa? Dog food? Personally, I don't think JR has yet experienced a great love of his life. Baby screwed him over so many ways it isn't funny. She destroyed his relationship with Jamie. She made him think Miranda was his baby. Babe was a perfect name for her, since she behaved like a pig to JR.

Opal is like a hydra snake. You never know which head she's going to present you with. Celia returned all the clothes Pete bought her, and Opal was nice to her, but she didn't try to play matchmaker between Celia and her baby boy, this time. She did, however, reconfirm Celia's opinion of Pete as a player.

Pete doesn't have a clue why Celia wants nothing to do with him. Come on, Petey, put it together. It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the blonde leech that's attached herself to you like a second skin, would it? Maybe if he sees a record on his cell of all his calls and sees Celia called and he didn't answer, he'll figure it out.

I've seen some people comparing Pete and Celia to Nina and Cliff and there are parallels. Only Cliff was a clean cut all American boy who didn't have a potty mouth like Pete. Although I do believe he got through one episode today without turning the air blue around him. The controlling father vs. the controlling guardian. It's actually ironic and the sins of the father visiting on the son, since Palmer's son is suffering at the hands of some wannabe Palmer Cortlandt. With Colby added to the mix, we now also have our own new age Sybil Thorne, as well.

Speaking of Colby, she's just arrived and I wish she'd go away, already. The character is just such an annoying leech. There's not one interesting thing about her. I doubt the gold digger would even be interested in Pete if he didn't have money. When her credit card got rejected [that's what happens when you max it out and don't make any payments, expecting Daddy to pick up the bill for you.] David cuts her a big check. Why? Probably because she's JR's sister. She doesn't care as long as she has money. The pathetic thing is Brooke offered her a job where she could make her own money, and she's just such a lazy pathetic leech she was insulted by the offer. Gasp! Me have to work for a living! Why! I'd never! No, she'd rather just lay on her backside and spend the hard-earned money her father made hand over fist. Imagine if this POS had to grow-up in a shack in Pigeon Hollow like Adam did. I bet a lot of people would love to be offered a cushy joy she's not even qualified to do. I doubt they'd be insulted. She's just a worthless piece of crap.

There was a little piece of info Uri neglected to impart to Jessie when they made their devil's bargain. The little fact that Zach would be framed for murdering Uri. A letter opener used to kill the poor unfortunate that's being used as Uri's body double was stabbed and killed with it. Uri's latest demand before releasing Cassandra is that Jessie must arrest Zach for murder. Given a choice between his daughter and friend, Jessie arrests Zach. I wonder if that nincompoop Agent Lea will buy this set-up or will she finally grow a brain and see Zach has been framed.

Does anyone think Uri will keep making more and more demands and not release Cassandra? Maybe his next demand will be he'll release Cassandra after Zach is convicted and goes to prison for killing Uri. Jessie doing what he's done already has given Uri plenty of ammo to hold over Jessie's head.

AJ and Miranda are having a party. Miranda's partying done with the kids who snubbed her at the Coffeehouse. Yeah, she's not the brightest bulb in the package. If someone disses you like that, you don't still hang with them. Anyway, nasty little Hunter sends her and Heather a text with a Photoshop picture of them embracing. But of course this pathetic loser won't get in any trouble for it, only someone who gives this punk what he deserves will. Maybe the punk's daddy is the principal of the school or something.

Miranda makes Heather promise not to show anyone, like AJ, the pic. Then Heather asks if Miranda and AJ are together and she declares they're just friends. So she's basically given Heather the green light to make a play for AJ. Something tells me it's something she'll live to regret.

Finally Brooke answers the door to someone she's surprised to see. I'm not reading spoilers so I didn't know who it was. I thought maybe it might be Tad or Jackson. Someone who does read spoilers spoiled it for everyone. I'm actually enjoying these online soaps without knowing what's going to happen next. More people should try it. They might like it.

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