Ashley The Bachelorette: Bentley Greatest Hits

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Love To Hate Him


Love him or hate him, Bentley became a legendary villain on Ashley’s season of The Bachelorette. Despite warnings from another former Bachelor contestant, Ashley fell hard for the a-hole with pretty hair, and would not give up on their imaginary romance even long after his self-elimination. As annoying and pathetic as her obsession with him is, Bentley delivered some of the most hilariously evil lines in the show’s history. Call me heartless, but I cannot feel sorry for Ashley. There were many things he said directly to her face that she chose to ignore. Silly girls always fall for the biggest jerk in the room, even though there were at least 10 other nice guys begging her for a date.

You may hate him, but I found him endlessly entertaining. Ever since his departure, the show has turned into one big whine fest, without the sinister comedy from the world’s biggest jackleg. Here are just a few of my favorite lines from the monster known as Bentley.

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On His Love For Ashley


“I’m not overly attracted to her.”

“I would literally rather be swimming in pee than try to plan a wedding with her.”

“I came in thinking Ashley was not attractive at all.”

“I talked to her like a girl I’m really interested in. The only difference is, I’m not interested in her.”

“I knew for a fact that I wasn’t going to fall in love with her.”

“She’s so into me.”

His Thoughts on Romance


“Do I need to force this kiss? Do I need to ram my tongue down her throat?”

“Having her tickle my pickle would be amazing.”

“It started out good, but then it sucked toward the end.” (about kissing Ashley)

Ashley asked him, “Do you think you’re Prince Charming?” Bentley’s response: “No.”

“I’m not trying to sweep you off your feet, just trying to lift you.”

“A lot of hugging, a lot of tears, a lot of kissing. I kissed her neck a lot, trying to turn her on.”

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His Sensitivity Toward Emotional Women


“I found her crying by herself. I’m not going to pass up an opportunity to mess with her head.”

“I hate it when people cry. It’s not attractive at all.”

“It’s annoying to hold a girl who’s just like crying and crying and crying. I was like already checked out, ya know?”

“A lot of crying.”

“I’m gonna make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks ok.”

About The Other Guys


“Out of 25 guys, at least 24 of them were really excited that it was you.”

“These fools, these freaking idiots believe me.”

“I just want her to know that I’m better than every other guy here.”

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His One True Love


“Emily is so breathtakingly beautiful that Ashley kind of looked like an ugly duckling to me.”

“Looking back, things could have turned out differently if the bachelorette was Emily.”

Just For Fun


“It’s a trip, dude. It’s freakin’ in my head. I need to go poop it out.”

“I wish the end was like, tomorrow.”

“She wrapped her legs around me and I was like, we’re in a great position to start something good right now. Because she was like, straddling me and licking my face.”

“Even if I’m not coming back, I still want to keep the dot dot dot there.” (Masterful mind game!)

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Comments 2 comments

Anne 5 years ago

"I'm gonna make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks good." that is my favorite. But I agree, several entertaining ones!


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Megavitamin 5 years ago Author

Hey Anne, I love that he'd rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with her. They are all pretty ridiculous though. Thanks for the comment :0)

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