Why Can't Average Guys Be Male Models?

LOOK AT THE SEXY, SULTRY LOOK ON THIS MALE MODEL'S FACE. I COULD DO THAT. EASILY. I JUST THINK OF EATING DINNER WITH JESSICA ALBA AND THEN I AM SULTRY.
LOOK AT THE SEXY, SULTRY LOOK ON THIS MALE MODEL'S FACE. I COULD DO THAT. EASILY. I JUST THINK OF EATING DINNER WITH JESSICA ALBA AND THEN I AM SULTRY.

I COULD DO THIS

be a male model. No problem. No sweat, well except in those high-end photo shoots for Vogue, GQ and Sports Illustrated. I could do all of that. Standing on my head. And this, being a male model, would be another dream realized. My two previous lifetime dreams of being an all-night DJ in an FM rock station and being a Pulitzer Prize winner for humorous stories, has vanished like the proverbial magician's rabbit in the hat, so now, I set my sights on being a male model.

Just tell me so I can get my head around it, what is so hard about standing still, looking distant as cameras click and flash, pursing my lips, squinting my eyes, and getting paid? I tell you. I can do this. Today. And all without an agent, press manager, or entourage. All on my own. I even have a name picked out for me: "Lone Wolf," male model. Nice, huh?

See this guy to the right? What has he got that I haven't? Looks? I got looks. Well, he has hair, and I have 'some' hair. And his shape is better than mine, but since I would only pose for from chest-up, I haven't a problem. Just imagine 'me' in this guy's place--looking sexy, hot, sultry. Not too much, ladies. I don't want a full-blown riot on my hands. But all in all, I do not see what the fuss is about to be a successful, highly-paid male model.

SEE THIS GUY'S BODY? HEY, WITH A LITTLE WORKING-OUT ON A CHUCK NORRIS HOME GYM, I COULD GET IN JUST ENOUGH SHAPE TO POSE LIKE THIS.
SEE THIS GUY'S BODY? HEY, WITH A LITTLE WORKING-OUT ON A CHUCK NORRIS HOME GYM, I COULD GET IN JUST ENOUGH SHAPE TO POSE LIKE THIS.

LOOK AT THIS GUY

What do you see? A shirtless man with some beads and necklaces things around his neck. So what's the hold-up? Why can't I, with the help of a Chuck Norris home gym, (for 4 easy payments of $39.95), work out just enough to be in shape for a photo spread in GQ magazine? Huh? And this guy doesn't even have a flashy name like, "Lone Wolf," like I do. You see. I am already on the fast-track of becoming the South's Next Famous Male Model.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH THIS GUY? GELLED HAIR? I CAN AFFORD GEL AT MY LOCAL WALMART SUPERCENTER.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH THIS GUY? GELLED HAIR? I CAN AFFORD GEL AT MY LOCAL WALMART SUPERCENTER.

HAIR? IS THAT ALL THE FANFARE IS ABOUT?

Hair? What a joke. I admit freely that I do not have the hair of a young man. Old man. Or common domestic beast, but hey, I hear that Bosley Hair Clinics, that I see on television, can do wonders for men like me with little or no hair. And when they fix me up with a head full of ravishing hair that pretty girls love to run their fingers though, I will well be on my way of being a famous male male model, "Lone Wolf," known by magazine editors, photogs, and writers here and abroad. And the cost of my hair can easily be traded-out by me agreeing to wear a Bosley Hair Clinic t-shirt all the time in and out of photo shoots. And even that, wearing a Bosley Hair Clinic t-shirt, would start a fashion craze. "Hey, if 'Lone Wolf' wears it, it has to be good," millions of adoring fans will say.

OKAY. NOW I NEED A TOUGH-LOOKING TATTOO ON MY ARM TO BE A MALE MODEL. NO PROBLEM. I HAVE A NEPHEW WHO IS A TATTOO ARTIST. NEXT PROBLEM.
OKAY. NOW I NEED A TOUGH-LOOKING TATTOO ON MY ARM TO BE A MALE MODEL. NO PROBLEM. I HAVE A NEPHEW WHO IS A TATTOO ARTIST. NEXT PROBLEM.

ALLOW ME TO HOLD UP MY ARM

for the tough-looking tattoo that some male models sport to get attention. "Lone Wolf," is no different. I need attention. All the helpful-attention I can get for my easy-climb to the top of the male modeling game. And if all that stands between me and a lucrative career as a male model is a tattoo, well, friends, I have a grand nephew, Greg Pannel, who is a tattoo artist. He makes a good bale or two of money each week tattooing the arms of guys and girls in his hometown, so one call from me telling Greg my plans and suddenly, I am sporting a rough, manly-looking tattoo of a rattlesnake, a Canadian moose, or maybe a sexy Carnation to excite the female fans who will clamor for my attention.

MALE MODELS MODEL FINE CLOTHES. I CAN NOT ONLY MODEL, BUT OWN FINE CLOTHES WITH MY MODELING CAREER. EVEN UNDERWEAR TOO.
MALE MODELS MODEL FINE CLOTHES. I CAN NOT ONLY MODEL, BUT OWN FINE CLOTHES WITH MY MODELING CAREER. EVEN UNDERWEAR TOO.

HERE WE GO WITH FINE CLOTHING

so what? With the paychecks I will have as "Lone Wolf," male model, I can purchase a suit, pants, shirt, shoes, and underwear for every day of the year. Hey, I might even buy out the entire stock of men's fine clothing from Brooks Bros. suits, Joseph A. Banks, or Men's Warehouse, "you'll look good. I guarantee it," and strut my stuff around big Southern towns such as: Atlanta, Birmingham, Baton Rouge, Panama City even in Hamilton, Alabama, my hometown. But as you well know, male models' fine clothing, when they use clothing, is all furnished by the fashion client, so what's the worry about me not being the next famous male model?

If I Cannot Be A Successful Male Model, I Want To Be A Celebrity Like These Guys . . .

SULTRY ALEC BALDWIN EVERY GIRL'S FANTASY.
SULTRY ALEC BALDWIN EVERY GIRL'S FANTASY.
WET GEORGE CLOONEY MALE CELEBRITY OF CELEBRITIES.
WET GEORGE CLOONEY MALE CELEBRITY OF CELEBRITIES.
JON HAMM EVERY LADY IN AMERICA IS 'MAD' ABOUT THIS MAN.
JON HAMM EVERY LADY IN AMERICA IS 'MAD' ABOUT THIS MAN.
MATT DAMON I HAVE ANOTHER NEPHEW, JUSTIN SPANN, FROM WINFIELD, ALABAMA, WHO LOOKS LIKE DAMON.
MATT DAMON I HAVE ANOTHER NEPHEW, JUSTIN SPANN, FROM WINFIELD, ALABAMA, WHO LOOKS LIKE DAMON.

THINK ABOUT IT AVERAGE GUYS, LIKE ME

are you weary of your day job? Tired of just 'getting by'? Well if we pool our resources, think this thing through, then we all stand a chance, (but me first, since I didn think of this), to be successful male models. I know for a fact that all men born and bred in the South, are real guys. Manly, tough, rough, not afraid of death itself, and I feel that you would be willing to to lay down your macho bravado if it meant making enough money to not only pay off your Ford 250 Super Duty 4x4, but buy the entire lot. Right? Sure you would. I am so willing to reinvent myself that if someone from a famous magazine, say Vogue, Gentlemen's Quarterly, were to call me NOW, I would stop this story and be on the next Greyhound bus out of town. I am that serious.

And what I'm talking is . ..

  • a certain amount of sacrifice
  • a willing attitude to get in shape
  • a desire to be dedicated to the job even when buddies make fun of us
  • an honest heart that will not change once fame is achieved

Simple. How simple it can be. And I hear the current male models on A&E network whining about how they had to 'work their hinnies off,' in low-paying modeling jobs before they were discovered. Maybe so. That does not have to apply to us.

Here are just a few of the simple, free things we can do to have a head start on our male modelilng careers . . .

  • borrow a few fancy suits, shirts, pants, shoes, and stand out in the public on sidewalks--posing like the models seen in this story with our pouty looks, gelled hair and our eyes squinted. I guarantee someone WILL talk about us. And sooner or later, 'that' one key person who works for a male modeling agency will contact us.
  • start a jogging, running, exercise regiment by running up hills, around the block, doing 100 push-ups, and get our abs in shape to be photographed by the world's best photographers. And look at the money we will save on gym fees and personal trainers.
  • invite ourselves on the local television afternoon talk shows telling the producers that 'we' ol' Southern boys, have 'the' inside scoop on being a male model. Local television is always searching for news, so there you go. We are on a good roll.
  • get someone to donate a 1,000 8x10 glossy photos of ourselves and we simply post them in laundry mats, anywhere they have community bulletin boards, and our names will soon be the talk of the town. Word of mouth, my friends, helped Ron Poepeil, the CEO of RONCO, become wealthy and famous.
  • get some cheap-but-quality business cards printed up telling potential clothing clients that 'we' are freelance Southern male models and will negotiate our own contracts. No agents or lawyers to pay. What an genius idea.

Who's with me?

Don't let me be like John "Blutarski" Belushi, in Animal House where he rallied the Delta's into getting even with the elite fratmen at Ferber College. Let's not just sit here. Let's go.


Why Do "I" Want To Be A Male Model?

  1. I can't be a female model
  2. I want to be respected
  3. I want to be loved by everyone
  4. I want to be envied by men
  5. I want to be on the cover of Vogue
  6. I want photos taken of me--everywhere
  7. I want my name to be a household word
  8. I need some cash
  9. I love new clothes, when I get them
  10. I have the time

NEED MORE INCENTIVE, GUYS?

More by this Author


Comments 22 comments

HikeGuy profile image

HikeGuy 5 years ago from Northern California Coast

Kenneth "Lone Wolf" -- This is great. I'm going to keep this short so you can get out on the sidewalk and be discovered! You have such a way with words -- what fun. Glad you included underwear -- that's crucial.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL! HikeGuy! That was very NICE of you to comment on this hub. It took forever to "load" when I hit Publish Now...thought it wasn't online...but thanks to you, friend, I feel better. I should have stated modeling Boxer Shorts....on the sidewalk during Black Friday...that way, WE WOULD be noticed. Thanks for all of your words and generous friendship. Kenneth


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 5 years ago from Close to Heaven

LOL This is great and hilarious. Real good looks come from within. Thanks Kenneth for your great hubs!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/24/2011, 12:12 a.m./cst

Hello, Dear carolinemd21, "Thank YOU so MUCH for the encouraging words, that I do NOT take lightly. And although YOU are most-welcome, it is "I" who needs to be thanking YOU for your support and kindness. Take care and have yourself a Great Thanksgiving. With peace, Kenneth


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

LOL!! You've done it again Lone Wolf Kenneth! Wonderful hub!

And just for the record I think you would make an excellent male model! As to the guy with the necklaces and that drooping around his neck - yuck! I always did have a real problem with a guy who wears more jewelry than his girlfriend, it's a bit unbalanced for my liking! And also, give me your ordinary everyday guy every time - they're the real salt of the earth! I don't want some hunk with 2 watts for a brain, spending more time in front of the mirror than me!!!

A great read + voted up!!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Wow! Fantastic comment, Seeker7! I am stunned by your sweet words. Honest. I do not know what to say except, "THANK YOU, SINCERELY" and for the votes. I am appreciative of your support and I have missed you of late. Guess you have been busy with your own projects. Hey, visit when you can stay longer and have a Happy Thaksgiving, Seeker7. Fondly, Kenneth


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth

Work it Lone Wolf, Work it! Woo hoo!

I am not into tatoos but being a Canadian, I would go with the Canadian Moose. lol

My eyes were playing tricks on me because at first I thought sexy carnation was sexy Canadian. I have been in front of the computer too long.

Thank you for ending my day with a smile.

Voted up, up and away!

Sweet dreams Kenneth. :-)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Susan,

here at 11:21 p.m./cst/on 11-24-2011

A Heart-felt THANK YOU for this LOVELY and touching commment. My day has been made. By YOU! And I do wish I had 'the goods' to walk the walk and look the look. With all the loot I would make, I would take my Entire List of Followers out For an Expensive Dinner, give each a new car, and a Paid Week's vacation! I am serious. And I am thankful too, for YOUR votes. And a Sweet Dreams back at ya, Susan! Fondly, Kenneth


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

Lone Wolf,

When does that Bosley t-shirt arrive? :-) I hope you keep us updated on your progress... wait you won't have to! Seeing you in magazines soon will be all the update we'll need!

Don't forget us little people when you hit the big time LW... O.o


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, and LOL, Lapse! What a great comment! The Bosley "tee" will arrive ASAP when I get my first huge check. I promise. And yes, Outdoors Weekly is the place where you will see my photos modeling the latest in scarecrow fashions for 2013. Yes, fashions for the discerning scarecrow. The scarecrow about town--successful, smug, popular. And I promise that, Lapse, I WILL NOT forget YOU. Sincerely, Lone Wolf/Kenneth


seriousnuts profile image

seriousnuts 5 years ago from Philippines

Wow Kenneth, what an inspiring hub, especially to those aspiring male models! LOL. I know someone with the same dream as you, he should read this! Good luck on your dream, I hope you get discovered soon.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

seriousnuts...THANK YOU, DEAR FRIEND. If I were to make it in male modeling, I see no problem of just standing, squinting, pouting, and looking hot to the audience, but as long as I can keep my face hidden, I will have a good chance. Thanks for your comment and visit. God bless you.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 5 years ago from North Carolina

Wow.. That is the funniest hub I have read on hubpages thus far.. I love it. Please let me know when you will be standing out on the sidewalk. I don't want to miss it. Thanks for being you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/28

Hi, Tammy, sure will! My southern buds and I are already gearing up to turn the male modeling business on its, uh, "ear," with our non-traditional male modeling ways such as: Keeping our eyes closed while cameras shoot our pictures for eyeglasses ads; our eyes will always be 'red' from no sleep thanks to us watching The Victoria's Secret models on TV, to get pointers and GAINING weight to sell bulldozers in Caterpillar photo ads for magazines...caption: "Caterpillar: big enough to move these men. Big enough for your job." Thanks, Tammy for your sweet comments. I wish you were a follower.


carolyn a. ridge profile image

carolyn a. ridge 4 years ago

Kenneth, you do have a dream ... you do have a face ... you do have a body ... you do have an endorsement (Bosley) ... you do have a tatoo-relative ... you do have knowledge of men's suits ... you do have a plan. !! So, whut u waitin' on? Or, r u jus' SORRY ??!! great hub; voted up. You are one busy body!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, what a nice and uplifting remark, carolyn. That is so sweet and I admit it. You are correct. I do have the tools, including my dream, so I guess I am 'sorry' that I didn't start my career as "Lone Wolf," male model, for John Deere tractors, sooner. Hey, that sounds pretty lucrative. Thanks too for your votes, carolyn. YOU are much-appreciated.


Leptirela profile image

Leptirela 4 years ago from I don't know half the time

I mysefl, like a real man.

heheh not one who waxes his chest and does his eyebrows

like some I know :)

Your really really great with words ` you have

an x factor about you hahah :)

amazing hub Ken


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU, DEAR Leptirela! Your comments made MY DAY. Im who I am. Hair and all. NO wax for me. Or eyebrow jobs. Not any facials. Eye shadow. Im from the 'old school,' I live and try to let live. Without any judgement. Just do NOT try to get me to change into a female-male-man...I cannot be that open-minded. LOL. Thanks for All of your sweet comments. I love them.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 4 years ago from In my world

Lone Wolf I salute you for not liking wax, eyeb row jobs or facials. That is just not what us girls want in our men, I mean put it this way....there would be no fun whatsoever $6 in a man who had more creams and potions than us. Also I have never taken to the "If I was chocolate I would eat myself look" these men seem to have thin lips, which is always an alarm bell for me I can tell you. I like Quirky, Different, Fun, with ooodles of personality...those are the people that should model... Now I am just off for me legs waxin xxx


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU, dotty! That was nice. Honest. And a sweet comment. I am overjoyed to know that GIRLS like YOU still exist. Glad to meet you on Hubs. I am but wha I am. Rough-hewn. In need of polishing. That's me. And I cannot be paid to wear silk underwear, and I hate wearing lotions that women like. Im too old fashioned to fit into today's social scene. I know that. But Im happy with ME.

Thanks, dotty. You are a SWEET girl.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 4 years ago from In my world

Oooo who likes silk undies any way??? Rough-hewn is good in my book. And I must say I am most pleased to be called 'sweet' hehehe, Love it and you are simply wonderful Mr Rough-Hewn


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Wow, what a great comment, dotty! Thank YOU so MUCH. That makes my night even BETTER, a warm comment coming from you, girl. And yes, you are VERY SWEET. I do mean all of this with respect and sincerity. And a big thank YOU for your super-comments about this work

Your Friend, Kenneth..aka/MRH

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working