Awkward Situations

What ya got over there?
What ya got over there?

Awkward situations are always fun to watch.  Yet, They are really horrible to be in.  We've all been through it or seen it.  When we're in it we wish a bell rings and we escape from the trouble we were about to get in to with Mr. Belding (reference to Saved By The Bell).

(Fonz Voice) - "Ayyyee!"
(Fonz Voice) - "Ayyyee!"

If we are watching the awkward situation.  We want popcorn, call our friends over to see it, and perhaps even call a friend and tell them the awkward situation that just happened.  It's like a Youtube clip of a guy on crutches falling and not being able to get up.  So wrong to watch and laugh at, but boy is it gratifying!  Here are my awkward situations I wanted to point out.

Example of facial reaction.
Example of facial reaction.

THE AWKWARD SITUATIONS:

Finding out your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you with their gender and telling your friends

If this situation ever happens or happened to you.  I am sorry.  How does it feel?  Is it like a Twilight Zone episode directed by Andy Warhol and Tim Burton.  It's not so gawky of a situation to you.  You're just pissed that she likes to "diddle on her skittle"  with someone of her sex and he likes the Village People?  You must think, "Is it me?"  So,  that's not awkward.  What's awkward is you telling your friends why you guys broke up because their facial reaction and long pause plus some stuttering to give you conciliation will show you put them in an awkward pickle.

Erections at the wrong time

For real! My penis (every guys penis) has a mind of it's own. We guys say it all the time because we really mean it! First thing in the morning I have morning wood, it's the first scenario I have to deal with in the morning. Every morning. Now, imagine when I sleep over a buddy's house after a night of drunk festivities and his roommate/girlfriend is in the kitchen and I have to pee. Correct, awkward! Fifth period senior year of high school I don't know why, but I had a boner in that class all the time. No idea just did. Sometimes at Barnes and Noble or at the food court in the mall I look at a girl and 3 seconds of me just thinking, "the things I do to her.". Boom! Boner and now I have to pretend I'm texting someone until "The Truth" calms down and turns into the "Sort of". (Fun Fact: Ladies if a guy says he wants to hang out, but then he tells you he can't later on the day. It's because he masturbated. Our buddy REALLY does have a mind of his own.).

Asking someone how their boyfriend/girlfriend is and they just recently broke up

I just don't know what to say. I feel like my little niece punched me in the nuts. If you ask a guy he'll act cool about it as if it doesn't phase him, but on the car ride home he'll cry and cry himself to sleep. Ask a girl. She will have no problem talking about the break up making it not awkward anymore, but making you stuck in a conversation. Having you even think,"I'm going to start a fire. Maybe then she'll stop talking.".

Sample of awkward break up convo:

Steve- "So how's Jackie? Haven't seen her in a while? (stupid last thing to say)"

Broken Heart- "We just broke up."

Steve- "Oh...man. Gosh, sorry." ( Long awkward pause until I pretend something exciting happened on T.V..)

Somebody invites themselves somewhere you're going

This one gets me a little bit more angry then awkward, but my initial reaction is awkward because the first thoughts that come to my head are, "Did he just invite himself?", "He's got some balls.", and "I can't tell him he CAN'T come." After, I can't say no to the person, so I say, "Um, ya. Sure I guess." (Yet with that response they still don't get it.).

Your parents showing sexual attraction

Dude! I am eating! I just like to think the only time you guys touched was when you had me. It seriously gives me chills down the spine. It's like being in elementary school and my friend Jimmy goes down the chalkboard with his nails (to this day I still don't know how he did it). It just bugs me. I'd rather watch a fat couple make out. No offense fat couples. I think love is a beautiful think, but it looks like the Jaba the hut and the Marsh mellow man are making out.

Being in a car full of people after a couple just argued

Honestly, what should I do? Can I put the music on? Is it OK to talk? The tension in my car is killing me. Frank, don't even think about looking at me and smiling. I will die laughing making me look like the asshole!

When you talk to a friend about a party thinking he/she is going, but they never got invited

When this happens to me I put the host of the party under the train. "Oh, I thought he invited you. Man, that's pretty surprising!" sure think I'm the dick, but it's his party. It should be his awkward situation as well. How am I supposed to know he/she didn't get invited!? We all hang out together...OK! He does have an angst towards the person, but damn not invite him to the party when everyone else is going. Rough.

Farting in the elevator alone and someone walks in last second

I've had this happen to me a few times. The two of you alone. I just look up at the ceiling as if something interesting is going on, but no. Just a piece elevator ceiling breaking off. I hear the guy cough a little and I start to sweat as if I'm getting interrogated. The longest elevator ride ever. I swear. One time a girl ( 1 out of 10 she was a 7.) came in and I had just farted. It wasn't so brutal, but I straight up told her, "Ya, that was me.". She laughed (awkwardly) and the rest of the elevator ride was full of awkward silence and ass smell.

Pooping in someone's house and it doesn't go down

That moment will be forever in people's minds for the rest of their lives.  If it's at a guy's house.  It's cool, call the guy friends over.  "Check this shit out!" (literally).  "ahh, gross!!".  Then, you fix the problem.  NOW!  If it's at a girlfriends parents house.  What do I do!?  It's not going down!  Even worse scenario...her parents house after her grandma passed away.  Great job taking the thunder away from Nana!

Guy coming to the urinal right next to you when there are urinals open

Why? Sincerely...why?  There are free urinals all against this wall.  When this happens to me I feel like the guy is right behind me, breathing heavily on my neck, and trying to be between my legs.  Don't do that.  You can only do that if you're Ace Ventura and you're trying to see if I have the missing diamond on my Super Bowl ring (I love you Jim Carey).




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