Bachelor Brad Second Chance ep 5: Racing To The Finish

The gang headed to Las Vegas for a week where the remaining 11 women squeezed into one pimped-out suite.  Isn’t that classified as a brothel?  At least it’s legal in Nevada!

Shawntel received the first date card which read, “Let’s end tonight with a bang.”  Inappropriate!  First Brad took her on a shopping spree--everything about the episode walked the prostitution line (hello, Pretty Woman references)….maybe that’s just me.  Shawntel returned to the suite to get ready for dinner, and the other girls were super jealous.  All eyes were focused on the shopping bags, instead of worrying if Brad had been sucking on Shawntel’s tongue.  All these girls are here for romance not riches, right?

Shawntel finally told Brad about her life as a funeral director, which made for some graphic dinner conversation.  For some reason, Brad kept asking more questions, even though he clearly did not want to know the answers.  If I were her, I would have stopped describing my job duties when my date started gagging, but I’m a little old fashion.

Brad took eight of the ladies to the motor speedway for a Nascar-style date, which would have been fine if Emily was not along for the ride.  Seriously how jacked up are these producers?  It’s not like they don’t know about Emily’s fiancée.  It is one thing to have to face your fear of heights on the top of a stupid building, but quite another to be subjected to reliving the worst memory of your life when all you’re trying to do is move forward.  Poor form, Bachelor producers.

Brad was having a good time, until he noticed Emily failing to conceal her bubbling emotions.  She’s super classy and polite and didn’t want to take away from anyone else’s good time (especially Brad’s), but there’s only so much one person can hold in, and her smile looked completely forced.  Poor Brad felt like a jerk for bringing her on this date, even though he was clueless about the whole situation.   Luckily for him, Emily put on her big-girl britches, climbed in the car, and had her own little therapy session while driving around the track.    

Jackie seemed genuinely concerned for Emily, but a couple of the others were jealous of the extra attention she was receiving.  It wasn’t like she was flagging Brad down and demanding that he cry with her.  Sheesh.

Meanwhile, the rest of the girls were having a great time.  Chantal raced around the track like Danica Patrick, and Britt looked like she was going to throw up before climbing into the car and speeding away.

At the after party, Alli was the most vocal about her jealousy over Emily.  She said, “Just because someone comes in with the worst story, they get the most attention?”  Then she spent her alone time with Brad crying over not feeling special.  That’s one way to score a man… 

Chantal claimed that she liked Brad more because he was compassionate to Emily’s situation.  She dropped the L-Bomb on Brad <accidentally?> and then dissolved into a puddle of tears.  How does Brad have the energy for all these sniveling messes?

Michelle pulled her typical crap.  She dragged Brad away, talked smack about the other girls then mauled his face like a starving cheetah.  Boooooring!

Brad pulled Emily aside AGAIN to give her the date rose, even though all the other girls were seething.  He gave her a really good speech about how he likes her for her present not her past.  He seems so sincere with her and like he values her as a classy lady.  Also, he’s not always shoving his tongue down her throat or trying to feel her up like teenagers in the back of a movie theater.  It’s easy to see, if nothing else, he absolutely respects her.

Chris Harrison called it the “dreaded” two-on-one date, but it’s my FAVORITE part of the show.  This time, the 2 Ashleys had a showdown for Brad’s affection.  Even though they both seem like frontrunners, he said he had serious doubts about both of them as well. 

For their date, they participated in the Elvis Cirque du Soleil.  Ashley S got into her own head and was basically a raincloud the entire time, while Crazy Ashley H got into it and had fun.  Unfortunately for my eyes, the rehearsal involved Brad being hoisted by his gentleman parts to fly around the air like Peter Pan, thus revealing entirely too much man-thigh for my gag reflexes.  Icky.

At dinner, Brad gave each Ashley a lovely little speech about what he liked about them.  There wasn’t any real alone time on this date, which kind of made it feel like a rushed decision.  In the end, Crazy H prevailed and Ashley S got proverbially “punched in the stomach and the heart.”   It’s a shame that Brad hasn’t noticed Ashley H’s invisible straight jacket yet, or he may have made a different decision. The messed up part was “Are You Lonesome Tonight” playing over Ashley S’s limo tears.  Reality TV can be so cruel (to a heart that’s true…too much Elvis!).

Brad had his weekly therapy session with Jamie, this time via telephone.  More advice about being open and listening to the ladies--nothing too revolutionary, except I noticed Jamie’s accent for the first time.  He’s not American, someone check his papers!    

Brad had an interesting one-on-one session with Chantal.  He thought she had been overly dramatic on the group date, and didn’t really seem that into her.  She even turned to being super cutesy, and he did not respond to her the way he usually does.  What’s going on with all my frontrunners?

Since Alli had a meltdown earlier, Brad went out of his way to make her feel special.  I bet she gets a one-on-one next week.  I just hope she quits whining so much.

Michelle clubbed Brad on the head and dragged him to a back room like a cavewoman.  He looked super uncomfortable as she pinned him to a chair and molested his mouth.  She was borderline violent and overly psychotic and gave him some nonsensical speech which made me physically cringe.  I’m not sure how much more of her garbage I can handle.  She’s terrifying.

Emily

Chantal

“There’s a chance it could be the worst date Brad’s been on.”—Michelle (It wasn’t!)

“I think you’re the hottest funeral director I’ve ever met”-- Brad

“Brad is a MAN babysitting a bunch of little girls.”--Michelle

“Don’t think you’re safe or special just because you had a one-on-one with him.”--Marissa

Shawntel

Emily

Ashley H

Michelle

Alli

Britt

Jackie

Chantal