Bachelor Brad Second Chance ep 6: I Hope You Get Eaten By Monkeys

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Zip-Lining With Chanty

What was up with Brad’s hotel-gift-shop shirts this week?  He took those brightly-colored silk polos straight to Pit Stain City.  Yipes. 

Michelle’s obsession with Chantal grew as ol’ Chanty got her second one-on-one date (much to the chagrin of the no-date havin’ Britt & Alli). Michelle ranted about Chantal’s overconfidence.  Hello pot, meet kettle.

Brad and Chantal hurled themselves 600 feet down into the jungle hanging only by their heads.  How romantic.  When it started to rain, Brad seemed to be baiting Chantal into backing out.  He asked a lot of dumb questions about the effects of rain on such an activity, but she was not biting.  She passed his silly test by proving she’s still the “confident woman he fell for.”

Chantal called this the perfect date because it’s like what they’d do in “real” life.  Rainforest zip-lining is commonplace in Austin, Texas…where does it say that in the brochure?  Brad claimed he could hang out with Chantal everyday for the rest of his life (unless she takes the train into Dramaville again, then all bets are off).

Things got interesting when the rain forced them into Brad’s suite.  Ever the gentleman, he offered her some dry clothes (more like a dry cloth), in the form of a shirt but forgot to hand the poor girl some pants.  Instead, he proceeded to give her one of the most extreme sex looks I’ve witnessed in a good many years, and went to change into his best v-neck shirt.  If that weren’t enough, Chantal declared in her best soap-opera voice, “I want to be with you.”  It made me feel like I had accidentally changed the channel to Skin-a-max!   Creepy.

Love Springs Eternal

For the group date, Brad took a gaggle of women to a waterfall for some old fashion repelling.   Jackie was on the verge of tears, but gave her best “do or die” attitude...more like “do and die” I’d say.

Michelle had a hissy fit because Brad promised to never repel (down a building, if I remember specifically) without her.  Her tantrum involved hitting him like a child.  Seriously, how is she still around?  The entire fiasco created bigger headaches for Brad by releasing the jealousy monster in the other girls. 

One of the funniest scenes in Bachelor history was when Alli threw a glass at Chantal for bringing a bug near her.  If that weren’t enough, they cut to Brad sitting in the hot tub with Michelle and overhearing the blood-curdling scream.  He made a face like Dug from Up (Squirrel!), and then continued with his conversation.  Good thing it wasn’t anything serious because Brad quit worrying pretty quickly.

Brad got really annoyed when Michelle attacked his decision to keep Chantal.  I think she could tell that he was not havin’ this conversation because she went to her go-to move and slobbered on his face.

After all that, he didn’t give out a date rose because the lunacy was just too much for him.

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Alli Gets Sacrificed

All three dates this week involved helmets—I think that says it all.  Brad took Alli to a cave to hang out with some bats.  Was this a date or an advertisement for Sanctum?   Just like a Jim Cameron movie, the date lacked any semblance of substance.  After a trip to Boresville, USA Brad sent Alli packing.   

The one thing I did learn during this date (and it was when they’d flash back to the other women) was that the girls passed their time in Costa Rica by braiding (their/each other’s) hair.  They were all walking around like they were at a giant slumber party.

A Nightmare Comes A Knockin’

Poor Brad was attacked by a desperate woman in the middle of the night.  So sad.  He was visibly terrified when Michelle showed up on his doorstep wanting some lovin’.  He kept asking her “no, seriously, what are you doing here?”  I feel like he makes out with her so she won’t stab him.  Safety first!

Michelle spent her stolen time with Brad discussing the other ladiez.  She trashed Chantal then told Brad her order-of-elimination predictions:  Britt, Jackie, Shawntel/Chantal, Emily, Ashley before riding off into the sunset with Michelle.  All she does is play games and I wish he’d just send her home already before someone else ends up with a black eye. 

I Love Him, And I Don't Care What You Think

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Everybody’s Fair Game

Chantal was so confident after receiving the rose that she wore a dress from Wilma Flintstone’s personal collection.  Donned in her best cruise attire, she did her best impression of Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire—spouting “I love you” as many times as she could squeeze into 30 seconds.

Emily went back to Brad to retract previous comments about sabotaging relationships, which was perfect of her (as usual) because he was going to ask her about it anyway.  They both seem terrified of each other because their relationship has the most potential.    

Poor Jackie got sent home. Brad seemed pretty upset, but mostly because he hurt a nice girl’s feelings. 

Side note:  I want to vomit every time a girl asks “what’s wrong with me?” in The Bachelor limo.  Gross.

Frontrunners

Emily

Chantal

Quotes of the Week AKA Stupid Crap Michelle Said

 “This is the hottest I’ve ever seen you.”—Brad to a pants-less Chantal

“You think you’re a big shot because you live in a big city, but really you’re no one”—Alli

“Seeing Brad without his shirt on makes you want to go home and… (CENSOR)…there’s no other way of saying it”—Michelle

“I don’t know if I’m crazy…”—Michelle

“I’m just trying to keep it real”—Michelle.  Not so much.

“Hi friends”—Michelle

“Don’t tell me I just want to have a sexy date in Costa Rica with Chantal”-Brad 

“What makes you think that you know me well enough that you can say who I belong with?”—Brad

Roses

Chantal

Ashley

Emily

Britt

Shawntel

Michelle

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