Be Your Own Dentist: Self-Dentistry For Dummies Book

Introduction

Looking for a quick way to stop that aching pain from your wisdom teeth? Need a cavity filling re-done but can't afford to see a professional? Well, you're in luck - I've recently authored a new book called "Self-Dentistry for Dummies" that teaches you how to do all that and more! And don't let the tittle fool you, it goes past the topic of self-dentistry and covers the basics needed to open your own dental operation - all without the rigorous and costly four years of schooling and additional training usually required!

Level 1 Brief

Believe it or not, most of you are already skilled and knowledgeable enough to obtain a Level One Dentistry Certificate! All you'd have to do to obtain one is take a very simple test. How simple? Well it's only five questions, and I'm fairly certain even a mentally impaired dog could pass it... though perhaps not with flying colors.

Answers

sǝıʇıʌɐɔ ʇuǝʌǝɹd oʇ ˙5

oʍʇ ˙4

ǝnɹʇ ˙3

ǝʇsɐdɥʇooʇ ˙2

ɯooɹɥʇɐq ǝɥʇ ˙1

Level 1 Test

  1. In what room do you generally keep your toothbrush?
  2. What kind of paste do you put on a toothbrush?
  3. True or False: Brushing your teeth twice a day reduces the risk of getting a cavity by 50% or more.
  4. How many times do you need to brush your teeth a day?
  5. What is the importance of brushing your teeth?

Now compare your answers with the ones to the right. Did you get at least 3 out of 5 correct? Congratulations, you've passed! You're qualified to floss, brush, and spit (after you pay me the $50 licensing fee, of course). Now you're ready to move on to level 2.

Level 2

If you want to obtain a level 2 certificate, you better like power tools. In order to become proficient enough to obtain a Level 2 Self-Dentistry Certificate, you will learn how to do things like:

  • Grinding your teeth with a Dremel Tool
  • Making sedatives from ingredients in your medicine cabinet
  • The many uses of a mini jack hammer
  • Filling Cavities with a glue gun
  • And much much more!

Sample Questions From the Level 2 Test

  1. In thirty seconds or less, name five emergency uses for dental floss.
  2. What are three benefits of using an electric toothbrush over a manual?
  3. A small inquisitive being, of which you were in a position of authority over, desires to shove a toothbrush through it's ear canal. What might you do in order to persuade it otherwise? Would you persuade it otherwise?
  4. Which five power tools are must haves for self-dentistry? Why?

Embracing Level 3

Here we go! I was not originally going to include this precious information, but I knew it would increase the value of the book ten-fold. I'm not going to give too much away, but it basically covers just about everything you need to know about safely operating on other people's teeth and starting your own practice. You start to learn about how to use the real tools, rather than being handy with common power tools, and where/how to get them. It also offers some good suggestions for being able to keep your practice open for the longest amount of time possible while avoiding authority figures who might misunderstand you. For instance, it hooks you up with some connections so that you can rent an RV dental office and collect a large variety of ID's and license plates. Such expenses are costly but, if you play your cards right, you should earn the money back very quickly! Don't think this is all that's covered but, again... I don't want to give too much away.

Samples Level 3 Test Questions

  1. If you had to skip country, what flight carrier would be your safest option?
  2. You're being chased by a cop car while in a 38-foot rig. What are your best options?
  3. You're on your way home from Mexico with some anesthesia, a wireless dental drill, and some probes when a US Customs officer stops you and requests to see your ID. You realize that you must have left it somewhere. He is alone and you notice that one distant security camera is the only witness around. What do you do?

Available now at select bookstores in Detroit, Memphis, and Miami.  Rumor has it that a few copies have made their into NYC as well, but expect to pay a premium rate (or bring cocaine!).
Available now at select bookstores in Detroit, Memphis, and Miami. Rumor has it that a few copies have made their into NYC as well, but expect to pay a premium rate (or bring cocaine!).

More by this Author


Comments 30 comments

Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

This took me way too long to finish... I hope somebody gets a kick out of it.


zach7036 6 years ago

I really liked the questions! They were funny and made me really think.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

I was checking out the competition. I must admit, this was very funny. I like the upside down answers to the questions and the book cover is awesome. I'm really afraid now that you might win the blizzard and fry. Maybe I should go and slit my wrists now. Just kidding. You did a great job.


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Thank you! Glad you like it.


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

Damn you, I just paid $500 to have a tooth pulled. If you have written this just one week sooner I would have saved a pile of money.

Loved the Hub

LOL


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

Timstown - this was really great...The book cover sent it over the top for me. I'm assembling a panel of three judges and will probably let the contest go for another couple of weeks. You'll hear back from us soon. Thanks for playing along!


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

@Steveo - See how overpriced such simple procedures are? Learn these techniques and, in addition to saving a load of money yourself, offer your services to friends and family and.. brace yourself for a nice little side-income!

@Stan - Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it and looking forward to seeing how I rank.


colonial82 profile image

colonial82 6 years ago from Ohio

Congrats on another great hub, my dad is dentist and I bet he would think this is funny :)

Have a great day and keep up the great work :)


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Gracias, senor c82.


Dawn71 profile image

Dawn71 6 years ago from UK

Love it Tim! Like your angle ;) Worth all the effort, it's great, did mine in a very short time & it shows! You've put me to shame...well done, great job!


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Danke, Dawn.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 6 years ago from North America

This is all pretty funny! Congratulations!


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Vielen Dank, Patty, schatze ich es!


Jo Deslaurier profile image

Jo Deslaurier 6 years ago

I love the level 3 section!


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Hola, Tim-may. Konishiwa. Tatanka. (Trying to get in the multi-lingual spirit.)

I'm fired up to start my own practice, but I wondered if you plan a supplement which will cover the critically important topic of double-billing.

Nice hub.

L.T.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Hah, good stuff here. I got a real kick out of "avoiding authority who might misunderstand you." I can just see it now, the indignation of your readers who, upon completing this book, having to deal with intractable law enforcement who want to quibble over whose certificate is valid more than someone else's. It's just like authority to do that sort of thing. :)

(Psst, I noticed that, with a little bit of test-taking skills, a savvy testee can actually glean the answers to the last three from the ones above. I was actually able to get 4 out of 5. I'm pretty stoked.)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago

Good stuff Tim and I too like your book cover - very inventive :)


lisa.bom 6 years ago

So funny, I could have used this a few weeks ago. Just spent $700.00 and I had to tell him what the problem was.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Hello?

As one of the three judges of this here competition may I just say that I consider this Hub to be a likely candidate for first prize? A candidate, mind you, not a cert.

May I also casually mention that we have formed a new charity, coincidentally called “The Three Judges Charity” and any contribution you may care to make to it shall be given the consideration it deserves?

Furthermore, I wish to give the lie to inaccurately spurious and dastardly rumours spread by a person who shall remain nameless (let’s call him Stan for argument’s sake) that we shall be happy with bribes of only chocolates and flowers? Naturally we live for literature and are doing this for the good of humanity, but any poor chump who thinks that he or she will have a chance in hell of winning this competition with a bunch of flowers, has another thing coming. ;-)


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Hey?

So how're we doing this? Paypal? I'll need the email address... and be sure to let me know what others have contributed so that I can top it.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Filling your cavity with a glue gun? Eeewwww! LOL Congratulations on your Hubnuggets nomination. Do bring this book and follow the links posted here and there....it's wonderful luck to follow the trail and see where it will lead you. :) http://bit.ly/ayOBXG


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

That drill made me go crazy - yikes. I guess I'd rather have someone else do it for me. Seems you enjoy torturing yourself.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

LOL! This hub is a winner, had me chuckling! BTW, Ripplemaker is a dentist by training turned educator, so I can imagine her chuckles at your "techniques". LOL.


Inspired to write profile image

Inspired to write 6 years ago from Wales UK

Great hub really enjoyed your humorous style.

Regards Dale


Dark_ Angel profile image

Dark_ Angel 6 years ago from Florida

Lol what's sad is someone will think this is serous and try to drill there own teeth.


Kosmo profile image

Kosmo 6 years ago from California

As expensive as modern dentistry is, we really need an alternative to going to the dentist. I wouldn't blame some people for trying your "techniques," er, uh, perhaps torture would be a better way of discribing them. Anyway, I've written four hubs on dentistry you may want to check out. At any rate, I'll create a link to this one. Later!


Kerry43 6 years ago

Haha, too funny. I saw this on your profile and just had to make an extra stop to read it. My friend pulled his own teeth (against my advice, and probably not with good tools)so I am sending him this link now.

What a scary little man you are LOL. Level 3, I assume?

Kez:)


Timstown profile image

Timstown 6 years ago from New Jersey Author

Thanks for all your positive comments!

@Kerry - No, level 5 (which goes a little beyond dentistry). I can do Botox injections and cosmetic surgery in record time. And, well... let's just say I'm especially handy with office supplies.


bogerk profile image

bogerk 5 years ago from Midwest

Trips to the dentist are painful enough when left to the professionals - I think I'll stick to my regular 6 month visits!

Great Hub!


IamReiRan 3 years ago

hahahaha...this is so funny!!!

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