Blondepoets Mad Mesmerising Memoirs

So You Thought You Were Mad


Scandals ! Bloopers ! Sensations ! Catastrophe's !


Indeed, there are many. Well in my life there has been. By public demand I have been asked to share some of these stories with you. I can vouch, yes, they are all actual events, and not mere fictional tales to tantalise your taste-buds. As bizarre as some may appear, they did indeed happen to me. For those who already think me mad, be prepared to declare me 'psycho' well and truly before the conclusion of this article. I actually don't mind being labelled 'eccentric', it shows that I am different. I bluntly refuse to become a Mrs Jones, Mrs Brown, spending my days cooking, cleaning, gardening, cooking, cleaning, gardening, cooking, cleaning, gardening.There is nothing wrong with performing those tasks, but that is not all I want to do. I don't seek material items either. My life may be a tar odd, prone to disaster or two, a total mad-cap, but at least it defies the laws of monotony.

'Those who know my past, will know that my life is a celebration indeed.'



Wax on, wax off....ho ho
Wax on, wax off....ho ho

The Scandal Of The One Missing Eyebrow


Why does it always have to happen to me?


I was only two months into my Hair-dressing Apprenticeship when my boss demanded that it was time I performed an eye-brow wax on a client. Instantly my legs began to tremble at the thought, I mean I had never actually performed one before, and I had hardly practised at all.

My upper-class well dressed client was becoming impatient so I began to apply the hot wax to her brows. My hands were violently shaking by now....I ripped the sturdy cloth in one direction, my legs giving way beneath me.

'OH ALAS AND ALACK I HAVE TAKEN OFF THE WHOLE EYEBROW'

What does one do in a situation such as this. As I threw the furry evidence clean in the bin beside me I thought of three options.

1.Charge her half price for one missing brow.

2.Pencil one in real quick

3. Run.

I chose number two, and forfeited showing her in the mirror.

I do not make a habit of lopping off body parts
I do not make a habit of lopping off body parts

The Catastrophe Of A Missing Earlobe


Speak up I can't 'ear ya


One night while cutting a friend's hair in my own place, I found myself growing agitated as he would not sit still. I did not know him that well actually, but I knew him well enough to know what a pain in the ass he was. Ringing me night and day, trying to persuade me to go out with him.

I told him quite plainly that I was now trimming around his ears could he please sit still. Just as I went to take a big snip, he swung around , and plop......went his ear-lobe on the floor. The funny thing is that he just went on talking, he had not felt a thing. Indeed I was in turmoil on this one. Just before passing out, I told him of my minor mishap, and in panic he grabbed the lobe and ran. I heard that the hospital managed to reconnect it, so that made me feel better. I never saw him again though, I guess that's one way of shaking off a man.

Believe me this was a one off incident, I don't make a habit of lopping of body parts. If he hadn't of moved, no-one of it would have happened.

'Oh God no-one will trust me with a hair-cut now '


The Disaster Of The Ski Slope Haircut


My first haircut was also a disaster.


The poor girl only asked for the split ends tidied up. Somehow one side just kept looking longer than the other so I kept trimming it and trimming it. Oh look, I really don't know what went wrong, but the final product was not a pretty sight. The left side sat just above the shoulder blade, ascending down like a ski slope to the right side, approx 16inches longer.Most surprising this girl never returned to complain, perhaps she enjoyed my own unique asymmetrical hair-cut.

'Blindness may also be another possibility'




My Hairdressing career had a few minor hiccups before my great skills set in.
My Hairdressing career had a few minor hiccups before my great skills set in.
Woooooooooooooooooot
Woooooooooooooooooot
There was more than smoke streaming from beneath my front wooden door
There was more than smoke streaming from beneath my front wooden door
"Help Fire"
"Help Fire"
Oooooooo
Oooooooo
Forever breaking headsets
Forever breaking headsets

Bloopers


I can't believe I reported MM's and CW's Hubs has having no sound. LMAO I discovered 10min later my sound was on mute'.



BROKEN HEADSETS: I have broken three headsets in eight weeks. The first pair were demolished beyond recognition. I was in such a hurry to get up from my PC one day that I forgot they were on my head, and as I tore myself away, so did all the wiring on my new headsets. Desperate to keep using them I sticky taped all the wiring together, but I still had the problem of the head-piece dangling in my cleavage. Two weeks later, equipped with a brand new pair, I accidentally sat on the wee things. The third set I am still using, however, they are a little out of shape, nothing a bit of a twist and bend can't fix.

'I pray on a daily basis for their welfare'

LOSING ITEMS :I am always losing items. Continually. I lose my sunglasses often only to discover they are still on my head. The most losable item I lose are keys. I am tired of being locked out from my home. One doomed afternoon upon arriving home I realised yet again, I had left the keys inside. However, I noticed a window was ajar on the second level, lo and behold it was my lucky day. It was then I spotted the huge extend-able ladder beckoning me to fetch it from beneath the house. I dragged it out and somehow propped it up to rest on the ledge of the open window. Nervously I began to climb. I only had two steps to go, when suddenly It collapsed beneath me. Down, down, down I travelled. Aghhhhhhhhhhh!!

'Believe it or not I lived through the experience, my worst injury... a fractured ankle'

CARTWHEELING OVER A FENCE : A few years ago I was staying with a friend close to the city, desperately trying to avoid a certain someone. One particular day I heard the sound of a familiar car, so in my panic I scooted over the six foot back fence. Not acustomed to climbing fences I actually lost my footing as I went over and I landed in the Oasis Beauty Salon next door. The women there were adamant I lay still, while they called an ambulance, much to all my protests.

In http://hubpages.com/hub/AEvans-And-Blondepoets-World-Adventures you will recall reading that I accidentally set fire to our Glasgow cabin. This indeed was based on a real life event.

PLAYING WITH MATCHES : I was grilling chunky hamburger patties and accidentally left the grill on, while I went out about my business. After seeing black smoke wafting through the front door, I screamed for my neighbour to help me. At first he did not believe me. He was so used to hearing me rehearsing lines for my upcoming plays, he swore I was only acting. Thank goodness he finally knew I was telling the truth, as I was just in the process of putting an oil fire out with a hose.

"Noooooooooooo", he hollered "Don't put water on oil"




Jaws impacted me so much that I was hesitant to bath for a few days
Jaws impacted me so much that I was hesitant to bath for a few days
Horror In The Shower
Horror In The Shower

The Catastrophe Of Falling Asleep In The Shower


Always choose the appropriate place to sleep


About three years ago I moved into a brand new, two story, brick townhouse. I had been out that night arriving home at approx 5.00am in the morning. Heading upstairs I decided to take a shower to try and wake myself up for work. It was far too tiring standing, so I decided to lay down on the shower floor, far too drained to even hold a bar of soap. Within seconds I was asleep. Little did I know my buttocks were covering the plug hole and water was beginning to flood the bathroom floor.

'WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

I was abruptly awoken by the sound of wailing fire alarms and smashing glass. The water had flooded out through the bathroom door onto the hallway. Water had seeped though the floor, and many chandeliers on the ground floor exploded as a consequence.

'I learnt an extremely valuable lesson from this experience. Never ever fall asleep in the bathroom, your buttocks sure do cost you a small fortune in light fixture repairs and carpet cleaners'


Use the most of what is at hand
Use the most of what is at hand
I starred as Anna Papadopulus which brought the whole house down in a standing ovation.
I starred as Anna Papadopulus which brought the whole house down in a standing ovation.

The Scandal Of Acting Sensation Anna Papadopillus


A breakaway from the stereo-type


A few years back I was given the wonderful opportunity to direct and produce Roma's Mayor's Command Performance. I used this chance to write a segment for myself and a fellow actor, in the hope to break away from the stereotype of constantly playing the 'Blonde Bimbo'. I invented a bungling hideous character whom I named Anna Papadopillus, the perfect woman for me to portray.
To become this domineering new Australian woman I donned a short auburn wig, blackened my front teeth, padded my clothes with heaps of cushioning and found myself a hideous floral frock.To get into character, I door-knocked my local neighbourhood, posing as a Jehovah Witness, in the hope to fool my friends.The staggering amount of doors that closed in my face proved to me my success.


'They say our act was the most hilarious and creative segment of the evening. Indeed I proved that I was more than a Blonde. I even made the front page of the 'Western Star Newspaper', with a dazzling picture of Anna, which I hope to add to this page in the very near future.'


The kitchen became my worst nightmare
The kitchen became my worst nightmare

The Catastrophe Of The Marble Cake


Always follow the recipe


I remember at the age of thirteen I was adamant I was going to bake my father a Marble Cake, to prove my creative skills I had accumulated in the kitchen.The recipe called for half cup of plain flour, which I soon realised I did not have in stock. Instead I substituted Bi-Carbonate Soda (also known as Baking Soda)...............................

Oh dear Lord it didn't turn out like a cake at all, in fact I had to serve it to my father in a soup bowl with a spoon.


'My Father was too polite to tell me how horrendous it was. I watched his face turn green as he took a few sips'


I addressed the gathering crowds
I addressed the gathering crowds

The Scandal Of The Fake Firefighter


Dress Ups whilst tiddly.


For someone who does not drink a lot, I did on this particular night. I had consumed an entire bottle of Passion Pop wine with a straw, depressed from a recent breakup.

A good friend of mine, an avid fire-fighter, who had just finished fighting a large bushfire happened to be over. He had to pop back briefly to the fire scene, so he suggested I don a fire-fighter uniform and come for a drive in an attempt to cheer me up. With my party clothes and stilettos beneath, I donned the uniform and slumped in the fire-truck. Upon arriving on the scene, I grew tired of waiting for his return, so I stumbled out the vehicle, unable to even walk a straight line. Some of the crowd who had gathered to view the bush fires suddenly noticed me and began to head in my direction. Before I knew it I had at least 30 people before me, asking me questions relating to the fires. Ooooo an audience......open the curtains...spotlights please....

This is wonderful I thought as I addressed the waiting crowds hungry for my professional words ."Yes", I muttered, "the fire is covering a radius of approx 19kms......blah blah"


I think I may be in the men's toilet
I think I may be in the men's toilet
"Oh dear my heel is broken,how shall I get home.
"Oh dear my heel is broken,how shall I get home.

Quickies


Wrapping up this madness:


I rang the law enforcement in the wee hours one morning to remove a stalking plumber calling to me from the bushes outside. If this man did as much plumbing as he did stalking, he might be a lot better at adjusting his nuts.

Upon arriving in my current city my first acting job was as a giant daisy, 'Dazz Daisy' who entertained the multitudes. Thank God I was totally unrecognisable in my greenery.

I rode a shopping trolley home once as I broke a heel. I didn't know we would crash into a neighbour's garden

I detested the guy who once took me to the drive-in to see a movie. He soon asked, "Would you like to hop in the back." I played dumb. "No", I replied, "I would rather sit in the front with you."

Invited to a church service one evening I accidentally walked into the men's toilets on recess. It did not occur to me until I hit the cubicles that I had just walked past 6 men at the urinals....."Look calm,,,don't panic", I muttered to myself....I strutted out so casually, in the hope they would think I may be an angel....descending from above. I fainted once outside.

Copyright © 2009 Blondepoet

Haha How Silly Is She

Life Has Always Had It's Fair Share Of Tangles For Me

Please Feel Free To Leave A Comment 135 comments

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

a hoot and a half -- thank you, I needed a good laugh. Now my face hurts. . .


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey there Teresa,lol, I am so glad you had a laugh. It is a little different in style to the prefessional touch you add to your hubs, but that's show biz LMAO


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Amazing. It's a wonder you survived, poor dear. Hilarious!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey Tom, I am so glad you enjoyed reading all of my misfortunes and dilemmas. Yes I have survived so far....still a way to go yet LMAO


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL Thank you Deb! One brow! Can't stop giggling :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Neither could I Misha when I thought about it the next day haha. Thanks so much for stopping by. :)


dagny roth profile image

dagny roth 7 years ago from Neverland

Sooooo Funny! I always thought the whole Blonde thing was just a cliche'! Who knew??!!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey dagny roth LMAO I bet a lot of people did too. I wonder how people will take me seriously now that they know I truly do these things.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

These are great. That lopped off earlobe thing had me grabbing for my ear, making sure it was still there. Ouch!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Lol Gwendymom I still can't believe he didn't feel it.I don't think he was all there LMAO. I take such care around the ears now.....


saltymick profile image

saltymick 7 years ago

Bloody hell, how come you aren't FAMOUS yet?!


Magic Bus profile image

Magic Bus 7 years ago from Norfolk, UK

I was going for a hair cut tomorrow. I think I'll leave it for a while now.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

hey saltymick that is the question I keep asking myself. Sixtyorso wants me to do a KillBill film, ...sniff sniff.....noone has signed me up yet lol.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

haha Magic Bus I will do it for you.How would you like it..short back at the sides??


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

One Brow and a snip of the ear, your not blonde you are just bubbly.... :) If the one eyebrow manages to disappear again, wax off the other as it will then be a matching set. Whoopi doesn't have eyebrows either..:):):Lol :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hell yea AE I like that motto take them both off, low maintenance, pencil on a new set each day. When you are having an angry day join them up in the middle of your nose, a Pamela day, make them nice and artificially thin, an offset day, make them lopsided. Be like Whoopi I say. Here... here..Well now you know where our adventure came from. More from personal experience than imagination perhaps haha.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Well yer just like my wife. she's always cutting me when giving me a haircut. And I am motionless. She's supposed to be a cosmetologist, but she ain't no barber. Gawd this was funny girl. That blond is dumb, but she's cute as hell. Now you'e heard Teresa use my word, a hoot. haha now go see my new hub my masteress Deb


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

very Hilarious good hub


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Just like your wife haha, hey I only cut someone once. Give a girl a break. This blonde may do dumb things but hey there is a hell of a lot of smartness in there as well, as you know ....... I shall read your hub with pleasure.

Thanks very much Lgali for stopping by


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

You live a charming, if not exactly charmed, life. These little scenarios are ... don't even know what word to apply here! Adorable, quaint, funny, embarrassing, extraordinary, silly, outrageous... or all of the above! Thanks for showing us the bumbling side of our very talented blondepoet! MM


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

never a boring moment with you around BP, you're a trip, and I don't care, you can cut my hair any day, even if I might lose a lobe.


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

Get in line Toad!!! Ears ??? who needs 'em?


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

neither one of us listen anyways


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

LOL!!! Good point Toad...BP you may as well trim around the the weasle ... I don't use it either...Nuts??? who need 'em?


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Yipes, I think she might use the wax technique in that instance, still Yipes!


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

Wax on wax OFF!!!! Imagine a nut hanging from a wax strip??? Sounds like BP has had that kind of "luck"


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Whoa! You're more dangerous than I thought? But I guess those clients of yours deserved a to lose more than they asked for!

And how could six guys not notice you in the mens room? That reminds me, some drummer guy from a band showed up to our church. He was about to use the girls restroom which has no sign like the mens room. I hollared at him, excuse me sir, that's the ladies room! He turned around and answered in anger, I'm a girl! ..... 0_0 I told my youth minister about that and she laughed her head off and warns all the youth girl to not hit on the hot looking drummer boy...errr girl.

BTW, love the blonde youtube vid.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

A new horror story. Did you check out the pipe in the photos, that how I used to smoke in high school


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Could you imagine no eyebrows and a new set everyday??? To think if we wanted to look like Brooke Shields we just line them on heavier, if we wanted to look like a martian we could do the unibrow look, wonder what the guys would think??/ Unibrow, Bush Brow and when you are making love all of a sudden no brows,......Scarrryyyyy Lollolololol :):):):):


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Hi, Blondepoet: I would still let you cut my hair (but I'd be very, very still...and nervous.) You're so funny. You need a keeper - someone just to go with you every where to keep you out of trouble and protect you...and everyone around you!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

OMG it is true then???  Blondes have more fun...Loved it sugar...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Peace


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

BP - you're hilarious! I guess fun things just happen to some people and you're one of them :D Think of all the stories you can tell the family many years from now - bet none of them will have memories like these to compare!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

they should make a movie about you! :D


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I think you are going to do my friend you are at "99" I hope you do it!!! Hey where is my frog ????? I know where you are...hehehehehe lolo:)


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

I had so much fun reading this. I love how you tell stories. I just get lost in them. I've seen that dumb blond video and it's truly hard to believe. Funny to put that in there. Can't wait to see the picture you promiced us!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Thanks heaps Mighty Mom I too, do not know what to call them either. Believe me life is not like that all the time. I guess I just exposed the bumbling side of it. Believe me if those things were to happen to me all the time I would be a total goner.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Omg I just arrived back, and I am bowled over by the multitude of wonderful comments. Ohhh. "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears...." I am truly stoked here, I am glad I still have my wonderful fellow and feline hubber's support after confessing so much of myself to you all.

Aww GT, bless your little cotton picking socks. I would be honoured to cut your hair, I would even polish my blades in preparation.I truly am a master at my art now lol. I will even show you the back in a mirror when I am finished, it's a done deal.

Hey Pest, yahoo, it's lovely to see you, I am hoping your net has been fixed. You are willing to sacrifice your ears, oh you are a man of such sacrifice, I am speechless....... Just tricking, the only time I am speechless is while watching, "The Biggest Loser", at 7.00pm each night. Yes GT is spot on, the err...bikini area is done with hot wax. You may want to consider this carefully first, if there were to be any accidents you may end up talking high notes like a soprano haha.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hi Mayhmong, oh yes those six men noticed me, it was I who took longer to notice them you see. Haha your story is hilarious, I can just imagine how you felt. Oh boy to hear this has suddenly made me feel much more blended in here. If you think of anything else please don't hesitate to add it here, a good belly laugh is the greatest thing.

LMAO A.Evans see it is a very marketable idea when you think about it, so open to expansion on the eye-brow market. Do you ever see guys with lots of hair in the centre of their nose which joins the brows together, much like a long railway track spanning across the top half of the face.When I see that I get such a desire to reach for my wax stick.


Amy G 7 years ago

Funny! I wish I could have been there for the earlobe thing! lol! Thanks for the laughs!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey Christoph oh please don't be nervous isn't it better I have told you in advance of the severed lobe, and not while cutting your hair.By the time I trim your hair the memory will have faded into oblivion. You probably are right about a keeper, how much you charge LMAO. Thank you so much for popping in to read this madness.:)

Hiii G-Ma oh they do indeed lol. Fun or madness whatever way you see it. Believe me it is not as dramatic all the time only every second day. (Hugs an kisses G-ma)

Shalini you are a sweet little rose. Yes there will many to tell the upcoming generations, and many more added by then as well. Thank you so much for swinging by. Keep harvesting that bhang LMAO. You have my permission to tell your relatives too, around the family camp fire


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Oh Cris A you are the man. I have been trying to tell them for ages they should do this. Oh may their eyes be open from the blindness that has stopped them realising there would be big dollars to be made here. I second that motion. :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Oh Cris A you are the man. I have been trying to tell them for ages they should do this. Oh may their eyes be open from the blindness that has stopped them realising there would be big dollars to be made here. I second that motion. :)

GT I was going to mention that in the picture capsule but I was not sure if it would all go up in smoke around me.You handled it like a professional...indeed lol.

AE I be your friend even beyond this life, we will dance around with many lost lobes and brows up there together.I bought you a show bag it's on its way...express delivery for you

Frieda I am so glad you enjoyed it. I could have written page upon page but I condensed it the best I could. Hugs and kisses for stopping by.

Amy G I wish you were there too.You could have rung an ambulance for him as well as one for me. LMAO. I could have used with an extra set of hands, although short of one lobe. I would have liked to have seen my face .I'm sure it was green with shock. Hugss.xx


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Dear, you know you're funny, you really are and we all love you so. If you never make it to moviedom you'll always be a shining star on these pages. I just love your little foibles, they're endearing and make you real to us all. You are an Amazonian talent too. luv now


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Aww C.C I really appreciate what you said. I have a huge smile on my dial. We love you too, you are so unique on HP, and we would be lost without you.Keep on rolling C.C......you are the rain that waters that waters many a desert.Hugsssxxxx


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

Hi BP

You're a funny lady. I'm still grinning at your Vincent Van Gogh moment with the ear lobe. The video clip is hilarious too. Where do they find these people? But then I guess Sarah Palin thought Africa was a country, so perhaps there's a lot of it about! LOL!


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

that's funny, so blondepoety.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hi Amanda yes I felt there was a little Van Goph there too. You are indeed sharp to see it LMAO. Don't they say all great artists are a tar eccentric. I was smarter than Vincent however, I did not lop off my own ear. I wish I could go back in time to tell him there is another option available.

Hi to my favourite doctor in the house Benson. Thank you for making a house visit here. Hope your new site is pulling down houses for you. I need to run a marathon myself to keep up with you..:)


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Hey, I dropped my dack. check yer mail


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hahaha I will go check now C.C. Oh you make me laugh.

I am on Facebook too at the moment wondering what gun I will blast you with today


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hahahahahahaha Oh C.C that one hit in the face literally. Thanks million for that, I have to run to the ladies now. Hahahah


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Is it really that funny? now i'm hurt, woe is I. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of it and had to go pee. haha


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

no C.C the actual thing is not funny but it is funny as it came out of the blue. I have recovered now and am appreciating the fine art work indeed. (Hugs)


raiderfan profile image

raiderfan 7 years ago from Arizona

hell yeah you're funny! and hot!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Thankyou raiderfan you are welcome here anytime LMAO. You say the nicest things.


The Captain profile image

The Captain 7 years ago from The Carribean

Arrrrgggghhhhh!  Methinks you'd look extra fine in a pair of knee high leather pirate boots!  Like I wear, only I don't look quite as good as you!  Arrrrrggghhh! I was told by a couple of mystics to seek out the initials B P. Could it be you I have been seeking?


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Ahoy there you good looking ole Captain you are indeed . Thanks to you indeed. You make me shiver in your white sailor shirt. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr....shiver.....shiver.......Seeking out B.P, Ahoy you have come to the right place......Have you come to rescue me and take me across those rough choppy seas to a land of green.


Shady Lady profile image

Shady Lady 7 years ago from here and there

I think we have all had some moments like this! I remember, way back when I was in school, a friend and I accidentally walked right into the guy's locker room, right after they had finished football practice. This makes me want to write about some of the stranger, funnier things that have happened to me, or that I have done!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey Shady lady haha oh that would have been an experience I wish I was there with you to err experience that one. Right on I say....thanks so much for stopping by


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Hi BP, great pics in this!

I have troubling news, there was another complaint about Naked Hubbers. Maddie was very cool, looked it over and said yours and Mighty Mom's were "borderline," which we know is true. So I had to remove them. I'll get you guys acceptable replacements ASAP.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Oh noooooooooooooo I loved my pic.Grrrrrrrrrrr who are these square pants that keep doing this oh constant that is terrible............well at least you still have your Hub


2C's 7 years ago

Hey you. I'm back


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey C.C yahoooooo. SO good to hear and hey good luck with your book we cheering for you.Damn I been really busy lately...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Ooooh so priceless! We must grill chunky burgers together sometime! :D

I clearly see the moral here...when one makes a blunder, pretend as if you've done it on purpose...

"What? You don't like having one penciled in eyebrow? It's all the rage in Paris!! The nerve!"

"Yes, I'm in the men's urinal, and I did it because I wanted to see what the fuss was about."

Very funny hub BP! :D


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

There was a long queue on this hub I had to wait my turn! Great anecdotes. I have a very short haircut, so the worst you could do is nick my ear with the shaver. but I'll take that chance. If I were one of the 6 guys I would have stared at you and wet my shoes, the wall and the roof in the process as not only my eyes would have followed you!

Great funny hub!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey Pam LMAO I will grill chunky burgers with you any-day providing you are up to it. Just don't go distracting me when I am about to turn the grill off. That means no bull riding next door, nude sprints across my lawn, don't allow my phone to ring. Yessss you have picked up the plot exactly haha. "Oh I hope you don't mind your little asymmetrical hair-cut , everyone will want one now" Hey Pam we are thinking the same wave lengths here. Maybe we are related somehow and we don't know it.

Hey sixtyorso how did you know I just put the kettle on. So glad you waited in that queue. Milk, sugar.....a bit of Marble cake with a spoon. Haha wet the walls and floors that is soooo funny. I always appreciate everything here you have to say. I will cut your hair anyday sounds like I can't go too wrong there..


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

I Look forward to tea but I am sure we can do better than that.

One tequila

two tequila

Three tequila more

Four tequila

five tequila

six tequila floor!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hell yes Sixtyorso was only saying the kettle to be polite hahaha


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Ha! I'm always saying "It's all fun and games until someone loses an earlobe." Thanks for making my point!

I wouldn't feel to badly about the guy's ear. Some people can't take a hint, and you just need to take a more direct approach.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hey B.T Evilpants oh you are just wicked, love it. Oh you are so right you know. Believe me I have learnt much from that experience. Now instead of a lobe approach I hold a cross in front of them and I say, "Away away with you". You have to admit that is quite direct of me. It works too, they run a mile. Haha


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Hey when are you going to view your art on my new hub?


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Haha believe it or not C.C I was just going to click on you about right now.


Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

Thanks for making me laugh so hard!!! HAhahaha!

I thought I was endowed with the gift to break things.

The earlobe is my favorite story. :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hi Raven King LMAO breakage is my speciality. Haha the earlobe story,I tend to tell that one to everyone I meet in life, I just can't help myself. Thanks so much for coming by.


JPSO138 profile image

JPSO138 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines, International

Very entertaining hub!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Thanks JPS)138, I have valued all your input,yes there are some adventures here lol


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Aww thanks BC. Maybe like pure destruction LMAO.....(hugs)


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia

U r a crazy one, but cute..


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Haha men are dorks I totally agree with the word crazy. Oh it can only happen to me :)


Curious Traveller profile image

Curious Traveller 7 years ago from United Kingdom

You seem somewhat accident prone but I love this Hub. It is interesting and hilarious at the same time. I love the toilet and the shower curtain - I will keep the designs in mind.

As regards the episode with the earlobe, I had a great-aunt who was a gents' barber and she did exactly the same thing the first time she cut a man's hair - I wonder how common an occurence this is?


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Haha Curious traveller I am so thrilled you like some of my designs, it may very well compliment the decor in your bathroom.Oh another ear lopper yahooo I knew deep inside that I was not alone.Thanks million for your comments.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Goodness, this really all happened to you Deb? Hahahaha Thank God, it didn't happened to one person, I'd faint knowing all that is left is half of me! LOL Hugs... :-) Thanks for the laugh!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Hahaha hi ripplemaker wow it is great to see you. I can vouch...sigh...yes..this all has actually happened LMAO.There is far worse of course but I did not add anything or it may have been too much for people to take in looool.(hugs to you too)


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

Wow 212 fans...you and cindy getting them all...congrats.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Poor blonde!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Aww thanks RBlue oh the fame hurts LMAO

Cindy lol why am I poor can you elaborate there.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Yes I am glad to be back. We didn't have work yesterday so I was in the computer and did a lot of hubbing...and even convinced myself to finally write a new hub. LOL Well, glad to know you survive all that to tell the tale. And you better be careful now.. It would be interesting to having a haircut from you. Promise not to cut my ears? I will sit still. LOL


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Well, surely you can't make much money from those hair designs lol


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

LMAO Ripplemaker I would never sever those delicate ear lobes of yours. As I have said I have perfected my art since then(touch wood) lol. I will check out your story it has been ages since you have written one, so that will be super.

Haha Cindy those hair designs are simply art.You just wait til I give yours a makeover lool.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

ROFL, I am sure I am in good hands (knock on wood too.) Hahaha My hair is so limp Deb..it is usually a challenge! But I'm sure I'll look good afterwards. Sigh..I wish you weren't so far away, I would have made an appointment and subject myself to your beauty care. LOL Yes, do visit and read my hubs...I'll see you in my page soon. You take care...


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Sigh I know RP I wish all of us here were much closer together, wouldn't it be fun to be in walking distance. I checked out your hub RP darn you are such an inspiration to us all.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I'm walking ... I'm walking to you... LOL Okay, okay... let me rephrase that... I'm walking on sunshine woh woh and it feels so good! LOL Coz I'm doing it all with you. You are all my inspiration too. :-) Have a beautiful weekend...


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Ohhhhhhh noooo dear little RP you will get callouses on those dainty little toes of yours. Do not fear, I shall send forth my private jet to collect you, keep watch through the night, for the sound of a BP engine.

You have a great weekend too RP xoxox


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 7 years ago

You really put a lot of energy into this one. No wonder you have so many fans.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Ohhh thanks so much Deb I strive to do my best. It hurts to be so famous LMAO.x0x


eaasi3574 7 years ago

Fantastic hub... I will be using some of your advice.

-Nicki B.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

LMAO eaasi3574 oh please do, it may get you in trouble though, be prepared. :)


Moonmaiden profile image

Moonmaiden 7 years ago from Lucerne Valley, CA

The photos were so funny I had to go back and read the rest of it.


isis_dreams2002 7 years ago

oh blonde it is so nice to know there are people out there that go through the same things as me I for one was always told dont put your foot into your mouth or dont go feet first but i do . lol thanks for the laughs it reminds me of what i have done in the past.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Lol hi moonmaiden it is so nice to see you, I am thrilled you liked my pictures. What would this story be without rock hard proof. Have a great day.

Hi there isis, are you serious it happens to you too? Boy you are the first one who has admitted to it. Good on you isis I knew we shared a common bond LMAO. (hugs)


EYEAM4ANARCHY profile image

EYEAM4ANARCHY 7 years ago from Las Vegas, NV.

That's good stuff Blondie. If I haden't given up haircuts for lent about 9 years ago, I would let you cut my hair.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Oh EM what a honour. I would do a darn good job indeed, am past the missing earlobe thing ROFL.


Larry Ivey profile image

Larry Ivey 7 years ago from South Florida

A very funny and entertaining hub! I think you could do very well on YouTube. With your skills, you could make excellent videos. You would surely become what they call a partner. People would subscribe to your channel and make comments. And, you get a share of the revenue. Check it out. If you do start your own channel, post the news on HubPages to let everyone know.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Wow Larry how would I go about that, wow that sounds right up my alley.


NetBiz Nick profile image

NetBiz Nick 7 years ago

Hey Lady,

Fabulously entertaining.. Varied content, your photo's are wierd and wonderful too. Thanks for sharing.

Regards, Nick


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia Author

Lol thanks Nick and you know what is the funniest thing all these things are true and were experienced by muah!!! Have a great day.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 7 years ago

My, my, my. You are one fine mess. It's a wonderful mess. This is great humor. Thanks for stopping by my hub. I seem to run out of time doing all there is to do but it is a great vacation to wander over here in Blondepoet Land!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

hey there Mickey haha one fine mess indeed, couldnt agree more. For a minute I thought you were coming to Oz for a vacation you are always welcome, I will show you a few tricks or too.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I came back to read this again. I do love the "classics".


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Oh wow Mickey that's awesome you came back. It can only happen to me truly!!!! Your welcome anytime. :) :)


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 6 years ago from Illinois

blonde,

I learned a lot about the two of you. Those pics really showed off your writing talent. Your writing was centered properly, the margins really were nice, the head shots (well), your paragraphs were well proportioned and the proper things were highlighted. Excellent; was there any writing?


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Haaaaa Harvey gawd how blonde am I? On the first read of your comment it didn't click what you were saying til I read it again. What a classic comment loved it. :))


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

Hahahahaha your off your nut, but in a good way, stalking plummers, drunken dressed firefighters, buttocks covering plug holes will ye stop it goes on, killing me, hilarious stuff, I've tons a storeys like this been a former(dormant) wild lad but I still wouldn't have the balls to put the stories on the net, great stuff, cracked me up, Stephen.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Haha Sherbet and these are my only mild moments. Oh I would love to read about yours if your game one day. I mean after all I have showed you mine your turn to show me yours ROFL.


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

Hahahhaha the only problem is I might expect a knock on the door by authorities if I do haha, I will say in 2001 I was throwing out of australia lol and I'm meant to be going back next year for a funeral, oh sorry I mean a wedding, same to me lol and I have to see if my ban is up :-/ hmmm, i will have to see.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Don't worry Sherbet I will smuggle you in. Haha you confused a wedding with a funeral. You remind me of Hugh Grant, remember Four Weddings And A Funeral.Oh god hopefully it is not your wedding, might make picking you up on the back of a roo difficult with such a heavy load.


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

hmmmmmm Hugh Grant, hmm compliment or insult haha and its I always call weddings funerals due to my fear and hatred of the word "wedding" arrrrhh ooo the shivers lol


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Oh great it is all settled Hugh (sherbet) will be there to pick you up. We have something in common I do not have the term wedding in my vocabulary either, oooooooo, shudder, shake, faint lol.


Mikel G Roberts profile image

Mikel G Roberts 6 years ago from The Heartland

Oh BP you are such a talented hubber! I don't leave you many comments cause my finger gets tired scrolling down to the bottom of your comments section... I need a nap...

Mikel


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Aww thanks Mikel and you are a spunk LMAO xo


Super Chef profile image

Super Chef 6 years ago from Around the world

i was in a fit of hysterics after reading this well written BP keep up the good work


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Lol Super Chef am tickled pink you liked it. Love to see people have a good laugh. x0


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

blondepoet, I was in med school when my baby sister was killed by a drunk driver, I dropped out of med school and went to live upstate with my coke lovin cousin. We went to Cosmetology school,got my license, got top score on my state exam... I had a similar situation with a guy, we (friend and I) were geared up to go out one night and he showed up begging me to give him a quick trim, I relented, was in a hurry and angry, rushing I cut the top of my middle finger knuckle almost off, just hanging, you know how bad it hurts...I wish I had thought to cut his ear off instead... LOL great hub, Peace :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Oh dear Katie so sorry to hear about your baby sister but wonderful to see you are back on top of the mountain. Oh dang why???? You hurt your poor finger and not his ear. Please keep this trick up your sleeve next time you have a whining customer LMAO!! :) :)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...why isn't it obvious by now - you are the hottest woman on the face of this planet - and not just because you look so good in that nurse's uniform - but your sense of humor is so rich

that those of us who laugh with you are the wealthiest people in the world!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Good morning Epic may I say you are looking quite dandy this morning. How bout I go and whip you up some of my special recipe, stacked flapjacks lol. Did you read my hub Spice Up Your Sex Life I have a nice nurse snap in that lol. Oh you are a sweetheart, thank-you so much for your support. xo


@MagicBoy profile image

@MagicBoy 6 years ago from Qatar

I utterly enjoyed this post and had a broad smile on my face all the way through..a very witty and thoughtfully written hub..such are the posts which makes a person’s day, you have made my month though...thanks:-)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

LMAO MagicBoy so now you know I am a total mad-cap. I swear to God these things just keep happening to me. As long as I put a smile on your face after wifting through all this madness then I am happy too. Have a wonderful day my dear friend.


evvy_09 profile image

evvy_09 6 years ago from Athens, AL

I feel for you. I've manage to lock my keys in my car, with the car on and the gas light had been on for awhile. It took me awhile to find someone to bring me the spare keys and was one of the few times I hated having manual locks. I end up doing crazy things at work so often I don't even get a raised eyebrow anymore.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia Author

Hi there evvy LMAO great to hear I am not alone. Oh I am with you 100%, I hardly raise an eyebrow myself when I do something ridiculous, I mean I do it everyday lol.


markbennis 5 years ago

This is a fantastic hub really got me laughing such a good read, I was amazed at the fantastic images you have here they are top class like yourself, all the best, mark.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 5 years ago from australia Author

So sorry mark it has taken me so long to get back. Ooooo just as well I am not wearing a hat, my head would explode with your flattery, thank you sooo much


klarawieck 5 years ago

Blonde! We miss you in the forums! It's just not the same without your humor!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 5 years ago from australia Author

Oh dear buddy of mine I miss you too. I promise I will be back when I get my head together and work through my grief. You betya xxx


@MagicBoy profile image

@MagicBoy 5 years ago from Qatar

Oh Dear, thanks for making my morning..this was a witty ride..Keep hubbing, coz we enjoy it a lot..Cheers


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 4 years ago from australia Author

Aww thanks Magic Boy you are magic did you know :)

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