"Bone Daddy" Movie Review

Starring Rutger Hauer, Barbara Williams, R.H. Thomson, and Joseph Kell

5 points right off the bat for the serial killer's gimmick -- he abucts people, right, and then he removes their bones and mails them to the cops. BUT he leaves his victims alive! You have to admit, that's pretty clever and evil.

Unfortunately, the rest of the movie can't live up to the promise of this wonderful plot device. This is a lifeless, by-the-books investigatory thriller, and frankly it bored me to tears. Except for the gross parts, which were REALLY gross! (And I don't mean that in a nice way, capital G gross -- just plain gross gross.)

5 points for the girl who trips and does a face-plant into a boneless corpse.

5 points promptly subtracted for the lengthy autopsy scene in which breasts (complete with erect nipples) are prominently displayed. I'm sorry, that's just disgusting! A girl's gotta draw the line SOMEWHERE, you know?

5 points also subtracted for the numerous mispronunciations which apparently slipped past everyone involved -- the one that annoyed me enough to write it down was the guy who actually pronounced the H in "homage". I mean, come ON!

10 points awarded for a brief but memorable appearance by the man who plays Turnbull on Due South -- aww, lookit him! He's being all tough and angry! It was SO cute!

And while we're on the topic... it's a cop movie, it's set in Chicago, half the lead actors had Canadian accents... why not throw in a Mountie, eh? It definitely would've improved the final score, I guarantee you THAT much!

Final score: 10 points

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