100 Funny, Insulting, and Philosophical Bumper Sticker Quotes

Best bumper stickers galore!
Best bumper stickers galore! | Source

Actually, there are more than 100. Lucky you.

Did You Know…?

You can make up your own car and bike bumper stickers and buy small quantities of them at amazingly low prices. And of course you can do one-of-a-kind orders as well.

Perfect for the school environment. Perfect for sports. Perfect for politics. Perfect for causes. Perfect for charities. Perfect for entrepreneurs. Perfect for fun.

The 100+ bumper stickers listed here are for your amusement and to maybe give you some ideas.

Top 100 best car and bike bumper sticker quotes. Humor, insults, jokes, politics, religion, philosophy, funny sayings.

Quotes List One

  • The best proof there is Intelligent Life in outer space is the fact it hasn’t come here.
  • You looking at ME?
  • I’d stalk you, but it’s been a long day.
  • The Tribbles are coming!
  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • You have delusions of adequacy.
  • I love you more today than tomorrow.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, the hell with it.
  • People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.
  • Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.
  • Churches only worship the prophet margin.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  • We are all lab rats.
  • If you don’t like the way I drive, then stay off the sidewalk.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • My feminine side is lesbian.
  • Just say NO to negativity.
  • I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
  • My dog is smarter than your honor student.
  • The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
  • When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
  • Never get into a fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose.
  • I never thought I'd miss Nixon.
  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  • I love animals. They're delicious.
  • Never argue with gravity,

Quotes List Two

  • Time and Space. Can't live with it. Can't live without it.
  • Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
  • Black holes are where God divides by zero.
  • You are obviously a fine human being in your own right. And I mean that.
  • If you observe this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, please try to think of it as one more anomaly in the cosmic order.
  • So many stupid people. So few asteroids.
  • I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life either.
  • You are a total waste of protein.
  • Excess is never too much in moderation.
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Honk if you want to learn sign-language.

  • Bricks and Rainbows, otherwise known as Life.
  • My Dad was just like me.
  • Let’s debate your existence. You take the negative.
  • Never believe generalizations.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
  • The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
  • Proof evolution CAN go in reverse.
  • I don't think, therefore I am not.
  • You’re a mess. But that’s ok.
  • Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
  • Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

Quotes List Three

  • I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.
  • Person of Interest.
  • Life’s favorite chew-toy.
  • The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
  • Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
  • Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
  • People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
  • So many cats. So few recipes.
  • Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

  • On your mark, get set, go away!
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
  • I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
  • To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
  • Liberal Arts major: Will think for food.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  • Adjure obfuscation.
  • If you can read this, I've lost the trailer.
  • What we need is a patch for stupidity.
  • Procrastinate now.
  • My dog can lick anyone.

Quotes List Four

  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • The trouble with life is there's no background music.
  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
  • You - Off my planet.
  • If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
  • I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service I provide.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
  • I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
  • I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
  • You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
  • Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • Getting on your feet means getting off your butt.
  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Quotes List Five

  • In dog years, I'm dead!
  • Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
  • Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
  • First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
  • Old age comes at a bad time.
  • I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
  • In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
  • Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • I'm an old person. Cut me some slack.

  • Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
  • I’m tall, but I’m worth the climb.
  • I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
  • The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • Life would be easier if I had the source code.
  • Hang up and drive.
  • Polar bears club baby seals.
  • God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Quotes List Six

  • Too tall for my blood supply.
  • I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
  • I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a learner's permit.
  • Keep honking while I reload.
  • I bring joy whenever I leave the room.
  • A couple di-lithium crystals short of a warp core.

  • Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either.
  • EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
  • My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).
  • Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
  • Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
  • If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
  • Driver carries no cash. He's married.
  • All I ask is the chance to prove money can't make me happy.
  • Watch out for the idiot behind me.
  • He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.
  • Entropy happens.

Quotes List Seven

  • With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
  • Honk if you hate peace and quiet.
  • I have the body of a god. Buddha.
  • Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
  • I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
  • Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
  • Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
  • Thank God I'm an atheist.
  • Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
  • Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.

  • Driveway doesn't go all the way to the road…
  • In a battle of wits I’m unarmed.
  • If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • If you're happy and you know it, see a shrink.
  • Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
  • One-celled organisms out score me in IQ tests.
  • What!?! Am I here?
  • I don’t have ulcers, but I’m a carrier.
  • No Way Out.
  • Lost in America.
  • Worry. God knows all about you.

Quotes List Eight

  • Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!
  • Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking!
  • Squirrels: Nature's speed bumps.
  • If a man states an opinion and there is no woman to hear it, is he still wrong?
  • An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
  • I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
  • Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  • Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.
  • Trapped in “your city name here”.
  • Trapped in “your state name here”.
  • “your noun/verb here” suck(s).
  • “your noun/verb here” s*ck(s).
  • “your noun/verb here” sux.
  • Even my dog knows html.
  • Even my dog knows to reboot before calling tech support.
  • Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed by my incredible perfection.
  • LOL
  • OMG
  • WTF (In some states this one might be a no-no.)
  • FML (In some states this one might be a no-no.)
  • The Police Are Your Friend (for known speed traps, no guarantees though...)
  • π

  • 404

I misspelled my bumper sticker.
I misspelled my bumper sticker.

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Comments 12 comments

Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 6 years ago from SE MA

Yeah, it is great. I needed just five bumper stickers - I think I paid $20 or less. Ridiculous on a per sticker basis, but still, it was a lousy $20 so how can I complain?


sarovai profile image

sarovai 6 years ago

Thank u for sharing about bumper stickers. I used to use some pictures , but I like to read others who use.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

These are all hilarious! I love the one The trouble with life is there's no background music. Here's one I wanted to see while commuting in Dallas:

The closer you get, the slower I'll drive and

I brake for the Halibut.


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

My favorite one is not on your list....I looked and couldn't find it. Maybe because it contains a couple of words that you shouldn't say. I hate to tell it here and ruin your clean approach. You know the sh word? Well.......

"If you didn't cause no sh.., there wouldn't be no sh.., B!" Maybe that ain't funny, but I love it anyways.


DoorMattnomore 6 years ago

"Does anal retentive have a hyphen?"

haahhhahaaaa I almost googled it to find out. No..wait..maybe I still will..it looks wrong? hmmm

awesome qoutes and I had no idea you could get bumper stickers made. Man!! My x-mas shopping is about done now!! Thanks!!


Teylina profile image

Teylina 5 years ago

Loved these! Didn't see couple of my faves and I'm thrilled to find out I can have them made and even sell if I want. I gotta add 'em here: from JRR Tolkien: "Not all who wander are lost" (one most notice and asked about when parked). Next: one my daddy gave me years ago: fits me to a t: "love dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures!" and, finally, one a tribute to truckers who all too often get blames because they hit some idiot who doesn't realize the interstate system was originally designed to ship goods, not create traffic jams and see if 18-wheelers could stop on a dime if you got too close and decide to crawl along: "If you have it, a trucker brought it." If I missed any of those--all too sorry. Loved your list!


betweencracks 5 years ago

Enjoyed this hub. some lovely ones.

One of my favourites

"Im a canadian - that's like an American,without the gun"

here's a follow up

"in Arizona you can but a gun a quick as you can buy a hamburger"

and here's one about Charlie Sheen, not by Charlie Sheen.

"Charlie's not crazy - he's just colorful with words"


seanorjohn profile image

seanorjohn 5 years ago

I love the 10 binary gag. The only one I don't get is the FML one. It's obviously rude so no need to spell it out. I will try and figure it out. Great collection and voted up.


aslanlight profile image

aslanlight 5 years ago from England

Brilliantly funny! If I'd known I was coming to your hub I would've brought peanuts, chocked on one and died laughing.


Ravi 5 years ago

Brilliant collection. Laughed uncontrollably for a few of them. 'Honk if you want to learn sign language' ... ha ha :-)


innerspin profile image

innerspin 4 years ago from uk

A fun real, thanks. I liked one that said," Normal people scare me." And I'd love to be a lert.


Claudia Mathews profile image

Claudia Mathews 21 months ago

I'm Canadian, this is my favorite one....

I'm Canadian, it's like being American, but without the gun.

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