Carl the Critic: Reviews "Babes in Toyland"

"Babes in Toyland"

This was the only one that I could find for this movie, everything else was either the Disney version or inappropriate pictures of actual "babes" in "Toyland".
This was the only one that I could find for this movie, everything else was either the Disney version or inappropriate pictures of actual "babes" in "Toyland". | Source

A TV ad for "Babes in Toyland"

"Babes in Toyland"

"Hey Carl, great twilight lol. have you heard of 'Babe's in Toyland'?..."_Some Unknown Fan

Thanks Some Unknown Fan, I do have a "great twilight" (I'm assuming you actually mean the review), and I have heard of "Babe's in Toyland" too. It was a movie with Drew Barrymore, and Keanu Reeves that was just so bad it was hilarious.
Yes I'm well aware that The Nostalgia Critic (from That Guy With The Glasses dot com) did a review of it, and I'm sure that those who read my reviews also see his work (if you don't I highly recommend checking it out.)
BUT you aren't here to listen to a much better movie critic's opinion of a film, you are here to read mine. After asking people what "bad movies" I should review I was happy to see that 12 people requested this one. And because I haven't seen it in so long I decided to watch the Nostalgia Critic's review of it so I can remember how bad it was. Nostalgia Critic did indeed point out the highlights of the movies badness but I think it is my duty to my Fans who are Unknown (and possibly are Somebody) to share my opinion about this classic.

Story: Based on an operetta by Glen MacDonough, "Babe's in Toyland" the film is about a girl named Lisa who after learning that there's a blizzard goes to tell her big sister to come home. On the way home with Keanu Reeves and some fat guy, Lisa falls out of the car (because get this, the trunk wasn't closed all the way, she isn't wearing a seat belt, and SHE IS SITTING ON A GOD DAMN SLED), falls down a hill, and hits her head against a tree. Then for some reason she flies to a half-assed version of Munchkin Land where everyone is wearing a costume. We then meet Georgie Porgie (an unusual fellow who has the hots for Lisa, and HIDES COOKIES IN HIS HAT! No one is going to want to eat a cookie with hair on it you moron!) who lets us in that there is an unhappy wedding going on because some old ugly nut, named Barnaby Barnicle who lives in bowling ball (I'm serious) is marring Mary Contrary, but it's sad because Mary Contrary loves Jack Nimble... As you can kinda see, Toyland is full of Mother Goose characters... But because Lisa, in the most adorably corny way, says that Mary doesn't love Barnaby but that she loves Jack. Barnaby then reenacts the Wicked Witch of the West routine to Lisa:

Barnaby: Who are you?
Lisa Piper: I'm Lisa Piper and I'm from Cincinnati.
Barnaby: Cinci-whatski?
Lisa Piper: I'm not scared of you, Mr. Barnicle, let go of me.
Barnaby: Well, whoever you are, you will regret the day you ever set foot in Toyland.
Lisa Piper: Oh, no, I won't. Except for you this looks like a wonderful place, and I'm glad I got here on the day Mary Contrary didn't marry!

Oh don't worry my dear reader, there's a lot of cheesy dialogue like this through out the movie. So the main focus of the story as you can guess has to do with Lisa, Georgy, Mary, and Jack trying to stop Barnaby and his henchmen (whom I am assuming he found at Tim Burton's Cirque du Soleil) from taking over Toyland.

All in all it's a worse version of the Wizard of Oz. A girl gets head trauma, goes to a "magical place", meets characters whom resemble people she knows in the real world, makes an enemy who vows revenge, there's a person of great power (in the Wizard of Oz there was that one guy, and in this movie there's "the Toymaster") who doesn't do anything, and in the end our main character returns home to her family while learning a valuable lesson. In "Babes in Toyland" our main character learns... To be a child forever... And believe in toys... Especially toy soldiers... Who carry real guns and ammo... Let's critique the film shawl we.

Critique: I better take this opportunity to say some of the classic quotes from the movie that the Nostalgia Critic didn't put into his review:

  • Jack Nimble: What do you say to a big kiss?
    Mary Contrary: Hello, big kiss.
  • Jack Nimble: He's got trolls! Hundreds of trolls, who ate all the cookies!
  • Barnaby: Jack be Nimble. Jack be DEAD.[BEST LINE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!]
  • Jack Nimble: You look so beautiful.
    Mary Contrary: For you.
  • Lisa Piper: I was in this town filled with talking toys and Mother Goose people, and horrible monsters tried to eat me alive!
    Mrs. Piper: Well, of course they did, honey. Oh, that reminds me, I must call the pest control people.

There's a number of things I can point out about this movie, like how the dialogue above is really corny, how bad the costumes and set designs are, how bad the audio is (as pointed out by the Nostalgia Critic there is a point when Keanu Reeves says "Over my dead BODY!", but the audio peaks, and cuts off so all we hear is "Over my dead BUTT!"), how the acting is cartoonish, and the character of Lisa is very poorly developed but you know I actually legitimately like this movie a lot. It's a movie that is so bad it's good, a guilty pleasure, something that I don't mind watching over and over again just to make fun of it. You can tell that the film makers just didn't care about the movie and were like "you know what? Only kids will watch this crap so lets put no effort into it at all." This isn't really a good thing, but the characters are so serious about the silly scenarios that they are in that it makes the movie more enjoyable.

Overall: Watch this movie (possibly with a friend), expect it to be bad, and just turn your brain off (trust me making logical sense of this movie makes your head hurt). If you don't like it, I completely understand, because it's a bad movie, but I for one found it fun to watch. I gave it an overall rating of 5.9 out of 10.

Click here to watch the Nostalgia Critic's review of "Babes in Toyland" on That Guy With The Glasses dot com if you want a second opinion.

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Comments 14 comments

FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 5 years ago from The Garden State

That's Keanu Reeves? I thought it was Scott Baio when I first looked at the picture. Haha.

...anyway, I think I can safely skip this one. I've already got "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" for when I need a bad Christmas-movie fix.

...I have vague memories of seeing a film called "Toys in Babeland" but I think that might be a whole'nother kind of movie, if you catch my drift... :D

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

...Eww! lol "Santa Conquers the Martians"? Never heard of that one, but sounds like its a bad/good movie. I guess I can't really force anyone to watch this movie, like I've said it's really bad, but fun. Thanks for stopping by FatFreddysCat, always good to hear from ya :)

FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 5 years ago from The Garden State

Here's everything you need to know about "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"

Available on DVD at a dollar store near you, no bad movie collection is truly complete without it!

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

Hmm... "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a 1964 science fiction film that regularly appears on lists of the worst films ever made."... Sounds Hub-worthy :) thanks for stopping by FatFreddysCat, again always good to hear from ya.

FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 5 years ago from The Garden State

Put it to you this way: I bought "S.C.C.T.M." on DVD last year, thinking my kids might get a laugh out of it (and also out of my own morbid curiosity cuz I've read/heard so much about how bad it is)... after watching it myself one fateful night, I decided not to bother showing it to my kids cuz it might be considered child abuse. Haha.

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

Hahaha Now I "REALLY" want to see it :)

Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

I saw this once a long time ago and forgot all about it until this reminded me that it existed. It's very forgettable.

I'll stikc with Stan and Ollie in "march of the Wooden Soldiers".

And "Santa Claus conquers the Martians" is one of my favorite bad movies.


CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

Boy oh boy I really need to see this movie. I've researched it and it looks bad. Thanks for the comment Rob, and yes I agree, "Babes in Toyland" is very forgettable, but it's fun when you watch it :) Thanks again for stopping by, always good to hear from ya.

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

This was a fun movie and review! My daughters loved this movie and watched it year-round! I'm going to remind them about, thanks Carl!

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

LOL Thanks for the comment Sunshine625:)

bethperry profile image

bethperry 5 years ago from Tennesee

Hmm. Well it sounds tempting just for the cheese aspects. And I always like Reeves, so I just might give this one a shot. It is a very balanced review, too, so giving it a Vote up.

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 5 years ago Author

Thanks for the vote and comment bethperry, much appreciated :)

Bedbugabscond profile image

Bedbugabscond 4 years ago from United States

I have to say that I love Babes in Toy Land. Maybe I am biased because I have fond memories of watching it every Christmas when I would stay with my aunt! Either way, it is a classic to me! Nice job, voted up!

CarltheCritic1291 profile image

CarltheCritic1291 4 years ago Author

lol thank you very much Bedbugabscond. I'm glad you like the film and my review :)

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